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Original poster

Argh this dating lark is so emotionally exhausting!

7 replies

mybumpsaboy · 28/09/2008 12:15

hi all..hope you're good

well I went on a date yesterday. Bit of an odd situation really as I'm pregnant currently, but after the hideous way that my ex treated me & the fact he's now with the OW (or Other Girl I should say lol) he ran off with, I really felt like I needed to try & meet guys to get my confidence back a bit. Met this one on the net, was honest with him about the whole situ etc & said I'd only be looking for friends or to take things veeery slow....

anyway. He was really sweet. Spent the whole day wandering around a park, showed me his city then went for dinner. He's got great manners, is very gentlemanly & quite intelligent......but just not my ex.

trouble is, I know all the things I usually go for in men are bad things, that I really HAVE to stop going for now there's a lo involved. I like arrogance...I like guys with a bit of an 'edge' about them which usually means they're quite sarcastic & bitchy...I like men who are really forward & flirty. No wonder, really, that I always end up cheated on ...& this time a single mum!!!! Have any of you felt you have to change your 'type' now you have kids??? Should I give this guy a chance because he's sweet etc even though he's not my 'ideal' man?

Please share your experiences of dating since being single parents....is it always so hard to shake off thoughts of your ex??? Is there even any point looking, maybe I'm just not ready emotionally :s But it's hard admitting to yourself how much you actually miss & need male company!!!

xxx

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 28/09/2008 13:36

......but just not my ex

Says it really - you are not over your ex and rushing into meeting other men, sorry but take some time out and find you and concentrate on the baby - then look for a new man that is not your ex, cos he is your ex for a reason......

glitterfairy · 28/09/2008 18:19

Hiya mybump. I agree with ivykaty and think you should leave it a while.

If you are not really over your X perhaps it is time to take some time out for yourself and enjoy you pregnancy and new baby.

I know how it gets but recently finished a new relationship because I really thought I still need time alone after three years.

When someone does come along I expect they will choose me but I hope it will be someone different from my X.

Pushpinia · 28/09/2008 18:34

Oh poor thing

Have been there and got the t shirt...and the baby!

yes, I concur with your instinct and the other respondents in that you're not ready yet.

It is Horribly hard not to think about love and men - you need so much esp when pregnant, and yes it hurts badly and you'll miss the love you had before from someone.

But that's not a reason to go searching or start something else just yet.

It is pretty agonising not to but actually you'll be doing yourself a real favour by holding off. Just that the emotional bit of being ready for someone new needs to be there and then some. It's been 2 years since I had sex with someone and I have been very low for a lot of that time, just in the sense that I long to be in a close relationship and cared for etc etc. But even now I don't feel quite ready to start over with someone and actually I'm very much less needy than I was before - I can like guys but I don't feel like rushing into anything iyswim. It's when you STOP having that urgent need that you know you're getting stronger and in a position to do it all again...but hopefully better

I too am looking for someone extremely sensible and trustworthy and mature, I think you're right to go that way - but it will take your heart a while to believe your brain on that so give yourself a chance xx

Pinkchampagne · 28/09/2008 21:33

I remember feeling a little like this when I first started dating my DP. I had been with ex H for 11 years, and found it strange being with someone so very different from him in both looks & personality. I was also one to go for what I classed as slightly challenging men that would keep me on my toes a bit, and my new date was almost too nice!
I have now been with him just over a year & have never felt so strongly about anyone...I love him to pieces! So yes, it is possible to totally change your type, and I am so glad I have!

ninah · 28/09/2008 22:15

You are not ready yet. Be on your own a bit first. Then see.

citylover · 28/09/2008 22:24

see the other thread about surprised about being single.

I think I was like you a while back ie possibly a bit vulnearble and really not ready for online stuff. I almost didn't want to hear it but I did take on board what people said on here.

I am doing the online thing but taking it with a large pinch of salt so to speak ie a bit of fun - should the exceptional guy (and he would have to very exceptional indeed) turn up then great but in the meantime!

In quite a different scenario (workplace) someone once told me to wrap an invisible barrier around myself when dealing with a certain person. And I think I can successfully do it with myself now.

I also have a history of being attracted to bad guys too.

PinkChampange I do think your story is heartwarming though.

citylover · 28/09/2008 22:27

sorry some of that was very badly phrased.

vulnerable

and what I meant was I now have put a barrier around myself until mr exceptional comes along. Either way I am stronger than a few months ago.

Almost enjoying myself in some ways - tee hee!

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