I'm resentful

[susia]

of my brother and his wife. I know I shouldn't be but I've been a single parent since I was pregnant and had to do everything on my own without any support from his father.

My brother is my son's godfather and my son is now 5. He loves having sleepovers but never once has my brother offered to have him which means I have a VERY limited social life or opportunity to meet anyone new. I have asked him and he has always had a reason to say no. I have offered to have both their children to stay but they don't really need me to as they take it in turns to go out or away for a weekend or they stay with her mother.

I know it is not their problem that I am a single parent but I feel bitter about the lack of support (my own parents are quite old and not in good health so although they help when they can, it isn't often).

I feel so fed up with being in all the time and having no social life and can't understand why once in a blue moon my brother and his wife couldn't help. We live a 10 minute drive from them. Tomorrow we are going to my parents for lunch and my brother will be there as he is collecting his wife from the airport as she has been away with some friends.

Even when my son was very ill as a baby and I had to take him to hospital in the middle of the night and my parents were away, I asked my brother to come over and he did for about an hour. Then his wife rang and said he needed to be back to put his kids to bed. I am sorry for sounding bitter and maybe this is just me but I do feel hurt by the lack of support.

Hi.

You're not alone in this situation. It's similar to mine and I think you'll get a lot of other single parents saying the same thing.
My kids are older now, but I was divorced when they were 3 and 4, have had little contact with their father, apart from hassle, my family expected my help, but offered little in return. Friends offered to babysit but cancelled at the last minute.
As well as suffering with health problems, I found it hard, but learnt to rely on myself.
Now I'm working, have more time to myself, and am happy that my kids are healthy, doing well at school, and at last, life is looking ok. Financially it's a worry but, a lot of people are in that boat at the moment.
The only advice I can give is, it won't be forever, your child will get older, you will get more time to do things, hang in there.
Do you have any friends or neighbours to talk to?
Are there any single parent groups in your area?
Good luck, things will get better.

thankyou for your message. I do appreciate all the points you made.

aww your bro sounds mean

i am quite lucky in that my dc go away every weekend (!)so i do get a social life. But if they didnt go away, i know my mum would never offer to have them, and i would be in the same boat as you.

Do you have any friends who could bbsit?

Is there any direct way you could ask your bro for some bbsitting help, and explain how desparate you are for a little bit of a social life?

desperate

now have the major problem that my Mum is going into hospital on Wednesday for a major operation. The hospital is in London and for Thursday she will be in intensive care. I have Friday off work and want to visit her. If I catch a train straight after dropping my son off at school I can get there, see here for about an hour but wouldn't be home till about 4.30. His school is right by my brother's house and his wife picks up their two at 3.30, if I spoke to the school, he could leave at 3.45 or so so she could easily pick him up and I'd be back by 5pm.

However, I desperately want to see my Mum in hospital but am scared to ask my brother and SIL in case they say no/are difficult about it etc

poor you, it makes me really cross, when you are in desp need to ask someone for help, and you feel scared too.

why is that? Are some people totally thick/selfish/blind? I am in similar position, and get by on my own. i would faint if my dad or sister offered to have my dd for an hour. I never get a break.

Makes you angry doesn't it?

It makes me furious, I almost hate them.