feeling very depressed all of a sudden

[iLoveIceCream]

had yet another huge fall out with ds father this morning.

he just rubbed my nose in it that my son loves spending time with him and his gf and feel a bit like i could be easily replaced in his life

You need to say (out of your son's earshot)

"Yes, he's so excited to see you, he doesn't shut up about it for ages. Children this age love novelty, don't they?"

Don't ex's love to annoy you
I used to get the comments about how much fun my DCs had with their dad, (on the rare occasions he bothered to turn up).
When he told me they wanted to live with him, I was surprised, but after he'd left, they told me it was lies and he'd made them say it. They were 4 and 5 at the time.
They are now 16 and 17 and still live with me.
One of the great lines in the new film St. Trinians is 'she who hurts you, conquers you'. As I've been getting some hassle from ex recently, I keep thinking of that line and refuse to be conquered
Now that really annoys him.

That's good advice.

I just want to move on with my life, but he seems to enjoy having that little bit of control over me where he still knows how to upset me!

I'd love to know where my knight in shining armour is hiding

the thing with kids is while theyre still young and the whole 'going to see dad' thing is new to them it doesnt really matter what they do, it is just the novelty of it.
its you your ds depends on to be there for him, to be consistent no matter how you may be feeling. you have to do all th mundane day to day stuff while his dad + one just get to play at being happy families when it suits them. i'm not judging them, their feelings for your ds or their ability to care for/amuse him. its just that its you that does it full time no matter what - they get to pick up/put down when theyve had enough, then trot off and be without any responsibility.
ive seen it with my brood for years as their mum wanders in and out of their lives as its suited and the novelty to them wore off long ago. they now see her if and when it suits them. generally i'd say its had a pretty bad effect on their view of how families work tho hope they dont carry it on.
hope your ex proves to be one of the better absent parents - as much as it has you feeling unhappy - youre there to be depended on by ds, he'll still need a dad at times.

Absent parent?

That's what I've been called...even though my ex is the one who abducted my son and ensured the whole thing has been dragged through the family courts.

More than once it's been assumed I am the one who abandoned my family, when I did know such thing - and this term often reinforces it. No doubt my ex, as I type, is encouraging my son (wherever he is) to call her latest boyfriend Daddy' whilst telling people that we split up' as opposed to `I left without warning and do my best to stop my son seeing his Dad'.

lostdad, i understand you're hurt and angry, but your tirade isn't relevent to the OP

Actually, it is. I understand entirely how the OP feels...I was empathising with her as I feel like I have been replaced as a parent.

It's entirely relevant.

my ex hates being called the absent parent. He wants our ds to live with him and his girlfriend and their new baby. Over my dead body.

i do understand he hates being the "absent" one, but it was his choice to not return, and his choice to start another family.

ilove you can't be easily replaced, its maybe shiny and new for your son but eventually the novelty will wear off, children will always know who has look after them and has always been there for them.

I'd go further than that Tink, and say that as a mum you can't be replaced at all.

ILIC you son may well love spending time with his Dad and girlfriend, but you will NEVER be replaced.