you have every right to feel the way you do, he is obviously not making an effort were dd is concerned. dd is your responsibility, her welfare and care is up to you, your obviously not going to get much help from him. i let dd stay with her dad, and i let him visit on the strict grounds he does not drink through out the entire visit -which could be a few days as he lives far far away (not far enough tbh)( drinking caused alot of problems when we were together). thing is, and i dont mean to be mean here, i know this situation is hard, but i feel your being a wee bit of a walk over for this guy, i've threatened my ex with a solicitor and with court cases regarding access if he breaks any rules that have been laid out. and i'm serious too, i've been to speak to solicitor, maybe you should do same, you'll get 1/2 hour free. i know it's hard to even think of him with HER, but just think, he's welcomr to her, you've got dd, your dd's voice, you are not being unresonable, stand up for yourself and dd, start as you mean to go on. i'm sorry if i've been rude, i didn't mean to be, i'm just sick of these guys, namely our ex's thinking they can treat us like crap, you'll have to be in contact with him for the rest of your life (god, what did we do to deserve this!) so start making some ground rules, follow your gut intinct, and good luck!, we're all supporting you here.