Can I give you guys a message of hope? Dh had to go through the Court process to get to see dsd. Similar story to misi's - they were told a pack of lies about dh. The first CAFCASS officer believed it all and it was clear from the start that she wasn't going to give dh a fair hearing.
He just couldn't talk to his x about anything, he would either get the door slammed in his face or a torrent of abuse. At one stage we were meeting at the police station for handovers because her then partner had assaulted dh (and she stood and laughed while holding dsd's hand).
She wouldn't answer the phone if he rang. She told him that dsd was nothing to do with him when she was with her. She was outraged that he get in contact with the school and would turn up for parents' evening and sports days. She thought that any contact over and above the court order (every 3rd weekend) was "unfair" ..... we thought it was pretty much as bad as it could get.
But when we came back from our summer holiday this year, we dropped dsd off, all went in for a cuppa and ended up staying for fish and chips and her mum and I shared a bottle of wine and had a good chat. We have supported her when dsd has been difficult, and vice versa. Last year for dsd's birthday we all went out for a pizza (including siblings on both sides).
I think my advice would be don't think things won't ever change. I know I felt like that and I still sometimes sit and think "this is surreal" when her mum and I are talking about something. I am pleased we kept the door open to her mum and always worked on building bridges, doing the right thing, saying the right thing. And now I think about it, dh was completely brilliant through it because he would never react to her, and every time he tried to start another conversation he was friendly and didn't bear any grudges.
It took about 8 years to get there, but we did and it's so much better for dsd now.