Please tell me the good bits about being a lone parent , there are good things aren't there?

[onlyjoking9329]

I am struggling with this at the moment, i am failing to see anything even remotely good about it, please tell me your good bits cos i may have overlooked some things.
PS if you can't think of any good bits can you at least make something up for me.

oh oj i really dont know alot about your history but i do understand that you come across as a wonderful caring mum.take each day as it comes and tackle each hour bit by bit if neccessary.this is what i have to do sometims to just get through the day.
three children under normal circumstances would be enough to test anyone.but you have three children with other needs which i can only imagine is draining at the best of times.you have my upmost respect xx

thankyou CVQ, it is very kind of you to think of me when i know you are also struggling.
i do the best that i can as a mum just like you do, i just find it hard without any family back up, steve and i had each other and since he died i am struggling to adapt to a life without him in it.

oj i hpe your alright x

The good things are that you are the only one who makeshe rules...as you prefer... You also have a loving husband to remember (those of us who are alone and divorced don´t!) and that must be an inspiration to you all. The good thing is that you are not so poisoned by a divorce that you can hope to look forward with hope and joy!!! xxx

oj.Keep being the person you are.You have strength and dignanty agaist all the rubbu=ish life has thrown at you.Maybe your kids dont understand how low u must feel but i bet their love for you WILL out way the turmil you are going through.God blesxx

Best thing about been a single parent is when your kids tell you they love you. My son said it for the first time when he was 3 & I felt 10ft tall because it was his way of saying hey your doing a good job! Well done on getting past the 100 day mark. Hope things get easier for you soon.

OJ, you have more than one child with special needs? No wonder you feel crushed with the weight of all the responsibility. My son aged 3 has a mild asd and no speech at all. I rely a lot on my Mum tbh. Are your parents still around and closeby?

I looked at your photos and your girls have huge smiles. I suppose they're not feeling quite as happy right now as they were when photos taken.

Hi OJ!

They're all right, you know. I have been pondering on your question for a few days, too, because I have an ex- out there, somewhere, so it isn't the same.

The one thing that keeps coming to mind is that you can concentrate on the kids, you can be child-centred, you can work round them and they usually make it all OK. Get some respite help in place, if it is available and when you are ready, look for something that is just for you - a course, a hobby, a class, the gym.

Life is not the same but the love that got you to this point will get you through. Your love for Steve, your love for the DCs and slowly, your love for yourself for surviving, for doing the best job possible and carrying on.

I have a wish-list of things to keep me going: most include trying new things, going places with my DSs but some are just about me, some will never happen but you never know.

Take care. Keep talking, both here and in RL.

we have 3 kids with autism and to be fair they are good kids behaviour wise they are fab (mostly) they all need a lot of hands on help with hair washing bathing and general understanding of stuff, it is hard to know what they understand most of the time.
yesterday Abbey stated, Daddys in heaven, bethan said, is heaven near filey?
i don't have any family contact at all,was
dragged brought up in kids homes and foster care.
i think thats what i find hard at the moment the loss of steve is huge but it has brought up every other loss i have had.
i don't have a next of kin any more.
i understand that i am better off than lots of lone parents in that my memories are good ones and i don't have a divorce or anything to sort out, i can do things how i want to and when i want to but at the moment i don't feel any joy from being able to do that.

IME, it takes quite some time for the joy to come back - it will. I found the whole year after my brother's death immensely grey and I know of people who have had much longer periods of bleakness. Did you read the article about widowhood in one of the Sunday papers? Have you "spoken" to Yorkiegirl?

I think you just have to live in the now - do things that you and the DCs would normally have enjoyed. Don't do what you can't face.

Have you thought of counselling? My younger DS's therapist did warn me against overprofessionalising life's traumas but there again, talking to someone professional can help tremendously - just talking out loud and having the really important things reflected back at you.

I wonder is there a local support group? It is always great to talk to people in exactly the same boat. Another reason why Mumsnet is good. In my rl, I never meet any single mothers. ONly married mothers who don't seem to have any problems, or if they do, they wouldn't let on

ps, is heaven near filey is kinda sweet .

i speak to Yorkiegirls most days on MSN she is lovely and very helpful in agreeing that i am "normal" i do have a couple of local mates that are also widows and have joined the WAY foundation and have met up with some people from there and talk to some on MSN, i do still see our Mac nurse and she is good to talk to as she has been there from the start, i do have some brill mates but don't feel i can always burden them with stuff thou i know they wouls listen. sometimes it is easier to type than to talk.

I know what you mean. WHen I left my x I was a mess, a total wreck, and a lot of my friends wanted me to talk to them, and they absolutely did care and wanted to help me through it............ BUT. there was still a bit of me thinking, these friendships are all I have now, and I want them to be about having fun. I didn't want to drag the friendships down by bawling my eyes out everytime I saw the person. As I know, even if they're really fond of you, especially if they're really fond of you in fact, it can be very draining for them.

I did talk to some friends, but I was really selective about it. Now that my rollercoaster loop the loop is 16 months behind me, and I'm getting back on an even keel again, I'm glad that I didn't let every SINGLE person in my acquaintance know how I felt.

Talking to somebody essential though. Having somebody .

I do worry about overburdening my mates I know they often feel helpless and also they have their own grief as Steve was their mate too.
Steve was the one person who I could talk to without worrying but I can't do that now.

Oh OJ, that is so hard and incredibly moving - a husband and a best friend - your joint future - .

Your RL support, as in good friends and professionals, sounds good and MN and MSN are, in their own way, a lifeline, too. Be kind to yourself, do what you have to. Keep typing.

Hi OJ if anyone can make a go of this lone parenting business then you can.

I try to take one day at a time - a cliche but it helps me when I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all.