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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

My partner has told me he hates my ds........

44 replies

sereneno · 16/09/2008 17:36

I know what i have to do but i need some support please. My ds is 14 and is a normal hormonal teenager - sometimes lovely, sometimes unbearable. On Sunday my partner blew up and stormed out following my son asking if he could have some biscuits that my partner had just bought. Later my partner came back, refused to come in and stood in the doorway asking me what i intended to do about my son etc. i said i would talk with him about his behaviour and suggested that the 3 of us sit down and discuss a way forward. My partner (soon to be ex) shouted 'Whats the point, he is a *ker, a c*t and too f**ing thick to understand anyway and if im in the same room as him i may not be able to stop myself from caving his head in' This is the same man who told me he wanted to marry me and we were going to start ttc. i know i have done the right thing by ending it but he has gone away for 2 weeks and i need to be strong enough to not have him back once the shock has worn off. Anyone else any experience of this???

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Original poster

sereneno · 16/09/2008 18:58

Thank you again. this is the first time i have dared post and desperation spurred me on but im glad i have. i think he is jealous of my son, he is an only child -im not making assumptions as i know so many well adjusted only children but he does have a huge chip on his shoulder about it as he feels his mother didnt like motherhood. he has said many times that he wished he had a different family with siblings. He is 48 and has never married or had children so is very selfish. he is also 5 ft 7 so im sure little man syndrome is a contributing factor

OP posts:

mashedup · 16/09/2008 21:29

Hi.
He sounds like my friends ex, he is little too. She was happy until he moved in, tried to control her kids, now only the youngest is still there, the others have left.
My friend asked him to move out, he did, but kicked up a fuss. Now he is trying to move back in by being very nice to her. The youngest can't leave yet, he's still at school, but he's told me that if his mum lets this man move back in, he's moving out when he is 16 next year.
I hope she doesn't because she now has a job, money, new clothes and looks happy. He looks miserable and is constantly contacting her.

Original poster

sereneno · 16/09/2008 23:03

Thanks mashedup, thats my one consolation - thank god he never moved in. Its so hard to see someone you thought you knew twisted with ugly nastiness especially when directed at your child. i feel sick. he is now texting saying he wants to resolve this. ive told him there is no way back from this. only an idiot comes between a tigress and her cubs

OP posts:

Dior · 16/09/2008 23:07

Message withdrawn

singledadofthree · 16/09/2008 23:09

havent read it all of course - but with three teenagers meself i'd say your ds needs to know youre there for him whatever he's doing. dont let him feel your loyalties are torn - will just make him feel and behave worse. stick by him, in a while he'll be fine. as for your fella - he should know better, you need someone a little more grown up

Original poster

sereneno · 16/09/2008 23:12

You are right there really is no decision to make. ive some of his stuff that i need to clear out of the house to sever any connection- would it be horrible to put it in a bin bag and leave it in his trailer that is parked outside his house on the road bearing in mind that he is away for a fortnight???? nice stuff too - le cruseut saucepans, silver cuff links, a couple of expensive shirts etc help yourself if anyone is in the North!

OP posts:

singledadofthree · 16/09/2008 23:15

eek i do - cant see meself sporting silver cufflinks tho - folksll think ive turned into a ponse...and i'd have to get the oil from under my nails - wouldnt look right.

solidgoldbrass · 16/09/2008 23:45

No need to descend to his level is there? just bundle the stuff up and drop it off whenhe's home.

HRHMamazon · 16/09/2008 23:47

POst it to him.
that way he has to go to the trouble of traipsing to the PO to collect it and eh will be all excited about gettng a package.

mwahaha i am so cruel.

ScummyMummy · 16/09/2008 23:54

sereneno- you are a star. Sorry it didn't work out with this man when you hoped he was the one. I hope someone more worthy of a lovely person like you comes along in due course, when you're ready. And I think it will stay with your son forever that you put him first and protected and loved him.

Flibbertyjibbet · 16/09/2008 23:57

Come back and post the night before he is due back - that way we won't let you weaken

Whereabouts in the North? le crueset sounds good

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 17/09/2008 08:51

agree with fibby on this one night before - shame you're not in the south i'd love le crueset.

you are right about one thing thou never try to come between a lioness & her cubs - bound to end in a blood bath with him coming off worse!

stay strong, every time you want to waver look at this thread or talk to us.

oh and at 48, one has to ask one's self why it is exactly he's never been married - has he ha any long term relationships at all??

Buda · 17/09/2008 09:00

you are so doing the right thing.

Re his stuff - I wouldn't stoop to his level and would just pack it up nicely and drop it off when he comes back.

Original poster

sereneno · 17/09/2008 17:27

Yep ive slept on it and i will keep my dignity and drop his stuff off when he gets back. All his relationships have been longish, 5 years plus, Spandex, but he must have committment issues because he can never make the final push. Perhaps that's what he has done here, promised committment, thought about and consciously or unconsciously ruined it. For the last two days ive been in shock and now im getting angry and it feels good!Single dad - yep the cufflinks are poncy, what a prat, what was i doing going out with someone who wore silver cufflinks? Arghhhh

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 17/09/2008 18:20

Your son asked for a biscuit? OMG, I'd have him adopted, that's scandalous behaviour!
Seriously, your ex sounds like a nutcase and your well rid of him!

ShyBaby · 17/09/2008 21:47

If you find yourself weakening then read this:

Your bf called YOUR son:

A wanker
A cunt
Fucking thick

and would like to "cave his head in" (Because he asked for a biscuit?).

Nasty and shocking isnt it...seeing it written down?

What a cowardly bully big brave man he is.

It may also help to imagine yourself at your son's age, and how hurt and betrayed you would have felt if your mum had continued a relationship with a man who couldn't stand you. (Take it from someone who knows, words really DO hurt!).

You are doing the right thing, no doubt about it. The man (if you can call him that) is an idiot, a complete idiot.

I am zipping up my mouth now because im so angry for you and your ds I could rant all night

cafebistro · 17/09/2008 22:03

You have done the right thing! the most important thing in your life at the moment needs to be your son.
When I was younger and growing up my mum repeatedly put her own needs and the needs of her boyfriend before mine and my siblings.Even when her boyfriend made lewd comments to me and when I was so uncomfortable in my own house that I had to stay with my sister when I came home from uni, she still stayed with him. I know mine is a different scenario but it boils down to the same thing. Your boy needs you to be there for him and not to choose some man over him. Well done! You have done what it took my mum 12 years to do.

AbbeyA · 17/09/2008 22:23

Stay strong-you have done the right thing. Don't weaken, there are nice men out there and you deserve one. Your son has to come first.

mamachat · 21/09/2008 16:53

your children should always come first, you have done the right thing..

I know a few people that have put men before their children and it has completly destroyed their relationship with the children...

blood is thicker then water and they will alwayts be your children...

what an arse to be so angrey over something like asking for a biscuit... but i do understand even tho you know you are doing the right thing it is hard for you... just remember mn are always here... x x

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