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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

do you have to ask ex-h permission to move half way across the country?

21 replies

lunavix · 31/08/2008 19:13

And if you did, would it then be on your back to transport kids for their visits?
and could he object to it any other way than in court for full custody?

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 31/08/2008 19:17

Well my dh's ex moved 300 miles away, and we pay all costs to see him - DH wants to see him, so....

If you were married he has parental responsibility of dc and will have a say in where dcs live, i believe.

Original poster

lunavix · 31/08/2008 19:18

so thats a yes he can refuse to let us move? (which he would do) so he can stop me from ever moving away from this town?

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 31/08/2008 19:19

I'm not sure its a refuse, hang on....

Lauriefairycake · 31/08/2008 19:21

surely it's in the best interests of the child/children to continue to see both parents ?

or is there more?......

AvenaLife · 31/08/2008 19:21

He can take you to court over access, he can argue that it will affect his relationship with his children. If you can find a way that he can still manage to see his children the way he normally does then you may be OK. The court can prevent you from moving this far otherwise.

scorpio1 · 31/08/2008 19:22

key roles of parental responsibility

AbbeyA · 31/08/2008 19:23

I think that unless you have an unavoidable reason you should stay near the ex for the sake of the DCs. Their needs should come first.

scorpio1 · 31/08/2008 19:24

he could tell the court it will prevent their relationship; but then the court will see your side too, if he could travel, etc

scorpio1 · 31/08/2008 19:25

but it sounds like ex will want to visit?

Original poster

lunavix · 31/08/2008 19:26

How near is near though?

He has always known I never want to live in this area, I only moved here with him inititially for a year then when we found out I was pg with ds we agreed to stay for time being as it made financial sense.

I know he dislikes it here to but he contests everything I do.

What if he moved away first, could I get away with moving anywhere?

OP posts:

Original poster

lunavix · 31/08/2008 19:28

He will insist on having same amount of time with them (currently fri-mon every other weekend and every weds night, which would not be possible. This will be a factor in it, also the only other family they have (grandparents etc) are on his side and local.

He will, I imagine, refuse to travel or insist I pay for it.

OP posts:

Leslaki · 31/08/2008 21:22

According to my solicitor he can't refuse it. I'm from Scotland and if ex makes me sell house I am going to move back with the kids. My soplicitor has told me that he cannot refuse that as it is within the UK and is ehere I am from where kids have a stable relationship with family etc. In my case ex has worked away from home 6 days a weeks since dcs were babies and hw would have ahard time stopping me - esp as he does work in Scotland from time to time. Suppose each case is different depending on individual circumstances but solicitor said UK is not a problem. Oz or NZ mite be altho tempting...

Original poster

lunavix · 01/09/2008 09:22

Oz is very tempting as it's my home!

However I am not unrealistic, and to be honest I think around 100 miles is the furthest I'd move as I do believe my kids need to maintain their relationship with him. Unless he moved far away lol!

OP posts:

TinkerBellesMum · 01/09/2008 09:43

It affect how much maintenance you get as any costs over £10 when the resident parents lives away can be offset on the maintenance.

shelleylou · 01/09/2008 09:45

Im sure he can apply for a specifc court order. It depends on what he is like though. I moved 70 miles away from my ex i got the emotional blackmail from him but nothing more.

lostdad · 01/09/2008 11:17

If you need to move to another area, it could be in their best interests to live with him.

They would be able to maintain their friends and social life as well as staying at the same school.

What has he said about the children possibly being uprooted?

yerblurt · 02/09/2008 21:33

your solicitor is wrong, scotland is another jurisdiction and your ex would be quite justified in making an application to court for a probitive steps order to prevent you moving the children away from their habitual home and away from dad.

are you sure this isn't for your own reasons?

jasper · 02/09/2008 22:28

a long discussion of this very topic was here recently. the consensus was it was extremely selfish of one parent to move kids far away from the other

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1400/573551

Original poster

lunavix · 03/09/2008 18:47

Okay far enough I can see that. I thought something similar at the time.

However, my thoughts on this (from my situation and perspective:

H and I moved here as a one year only thing before we had kids. He hated it here (his hometown) and I disliked it immediately. We only stayed as we promptly had kids and the best financial desicion (sorry if that's wrong can't think how to spell it) was to stay put for a little while. We always said we'd move away, far away, as soon as possible, maybe even abroad. I have no idea what H feels of it now as he doesn't talk about it but I'm sure he's still not keen as he doesn't have many friends here if any, and all his closest friends are a minimum of 80 miles away at best.

He works away a lot, almost every week, and far away - we live south, he works in yorkshire (and travels about). He tries to fit this around kids, but he also never planned to stay with same company. He did originally say he was planning on getting a new job far far away, and then fitting in seeing the kids on a pro rata basis (ie whenever he could but in proportion to what he'd have had them normally. So I have no idea that he even plans to stick around here for work and he's up and down the country at the best.

Across the country is an exaggeration. Unlike previously mentioned people it's not Scotland to England or anything, I am probably thinking 100 miles at the most. Maybe far less. My other main issue is I think he'd kick up if it was even 20 miles - we live 2 minutes from where he lives and 5 minutes from his work currently. I think he'd protest at anything. And I'm not just saying upsticks for the sake of it, I'm saying if I find a good job, or start a relationship, and then find good schools and a great place to live. There are reasons we both hated it here, it's not nice to live here.

Like I said before I'd be prepared to come to arrangements for him seeing them. I don't drive, so unless I was with a partner it would be complicated for me to bring them to him say on a friday after work. But say I had a partner, or it was simple by public transport, or I learnt to drive.. I'd be happy to say sort it out so one time we took them and picked up, next time him.. or vice versa.

There are many other reasons. But I simply wanted to know what he could do, how he could stop me (eg can he stop me if its 10 miles away? 20? 50?) and can it be put entirely on me to transport them at his beck and call? And if he moved away for any of the above reasons am I free to do as I please (within reason)

I am not trying to stop my kids from seeing their dad, or to harm the relationship. I just want to be happy too and here, where we live, I am not.

OP posts:

jasper · 03/09/2008 22:53

lunavix did you read all the other thread? many of your concerns are addressed there , although there was not unanimous agreement about the hard facts of whether a father could prevent his ex moving kids far away.

your case is a bit different in that your ex seems to also be considering a move. Are you able to keep the chanels of communication open so that the kids' needs are always uppermost in BOTH your plans?

I hope it all works out ok in the end for you all

lostdad · 04/09/2008 07:12

Like jasper says - you're situation is not the same as the other one. Then again when you say But I simply wanted to know what he could do, how he could stop me (eg can he stop me if its 10 miles away? 20? 50?)' I hear I'm going to move regardless of what he thinks'. Talk to him about it.

Communication breaks down and before you know it, you'll both be in court making both your solicitors very happy.

Finally - and on a personal note, you said `I am not trying to stop my kids from seeing their dad'.

That's exactly what my ex said. My son now lives 300 miles away (I found out at my last hearing she was going) and my 5th court hearing comes up next month.

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