Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

He was demanding to see dd, then for the last 2days he was supposed to have her no show....

13 replies

mamachat · 27/08/2008 23:19

The first time he text my mum with an excuse saying he had to go to hospital as not feeling well (he has to collect dd from my mums due to violence).

Then text later that day saying he can come collect dd as hospital are not helping him. Then text the next day saying he has to have an operation. But have not heard from him for the next day he was meant to see dd.

He is making up excuses and looking for atention from me as usual.

Can't believe her was demanding to have dd on friday, then sat and monday which are his planned days with her - no show.

I am so annoyed as I am left to deal with her alone, I cannot anything done and need to get her sleep training sorted... Arse!!!!

OP posts:

Ready4anotherCoffee · 28/08/2008 07:50

poor you and your dd.

Sounds like he's still trying to control you both.

Good luck with the sleep training let me know if you find a successful method, I'm still trying to crack it with ds

Original poster

mamachat · 28/08/2008 23:16

Hiya - I am getting objectivity from mumsnet to come and help me with sleep training soon, just trying to work out a date that is good for both of us...

He was outside my house waiting for me today to discuss seeing dd. I was in the car and only opended the window a little to speak to him..

Bascially he wants to see dd what ever days suit him each week as he does shift work. But will let me know the days he is free 1 month in advance...

i have kind of agreed. I know he is taking the p1ss, but i really really want him to keep his bond with dd and spend time with her. Also if I am the only parent looking after her i will never get a break.

really i should report it to the police as he has broke his bail conditions, I am probably helping him break his bail conditions but I really do want him to see her...

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 28/08/2008 23:18

Report him to the police. And contact Women's Aid or something similar. He doesn't want to see his DD he wants to bully and control you and you need some help and support to sort this out.

Original poster

mamachat · 28/08/2008 23:22

I know i can tell he is not that bothered that much about dd, he was chatting rubbish to me and not too bothered about dd, who was just sitting there is her car seat unusally quiet as we were taking. Not shouting but not friendly either... poor little thing...

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 29/08/2008 00:02

Report him to the police. Report him to the police .Don't be fooled by this dickhead, he wants to hurt you and is quite probably a danger to DD as well. Unless you get on well with his mother, insist on any contact between him and DD being in a contact centre so if he doesn;t turn up when he's supposed to he doesn't get to see her, and he can't 'chat rubbish' to you or scare you or her.

Original poster

mamachat · 29/08/2008 15:43

so do i have to go through court in order to be able to use a contact centre?

OP posts:

charitygirl · 29/08/2008 15:51

I'm not sure - not if he agrees to it, but he sounds like he might not as would reduce all contact with you - but this is the website for the umbrella body for contact centres. There may be good info on there, and there is a phone number - they could tell you straightaway.

www.naccc.org.uk

Good luck - he sounds bloody awful.

Original poster

mamachat · 29/08/2008 22:07

thanks alot for that, i will have a look, would reduce the stress if there was someone official involved...

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 29/08/2008 22:16

You need to get someone official involved and you are entitled to it: this man is violent and therefore has forfeited the right to get his own way over contact.

weeonion · 29/08/2008 22:19

dos he have a contact order?

by my understanding - you need to be careful of what contcat you allow him now as if things take aturn for the worse and you need to go to court - they stupidly could say that you only want to restrict to "get" at him - not for a true concern.

you really do need professional advice and support on this.

Nat1H · 29/08/2008 22:27

Have never been in this situation, but is your DD safe with him? I would be dubious, but wouldn't know how to stop him seeing her.
Sending [hugs]

Original poster

mamachat · 29/08/2008 22:46

He does not have a contact order, it has not been to court or anything...

He was violent towards me, but did not beat me up, he was just kind of pushing me arund and being aggressive infrount of dd, he didn't punch me really hard or anything.

The problems was how he was trying to be controling, and it was not something that happened everyday, it has happened a few times in the past.

I don't feel he wold ever hurt dd but do feel he is making this whole thing about me and not dd...

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 29/08/2008 23:03

Please get some good legal advice, get this man's behaviour documented and some sort of structure in place because he is dangerous to you. Women's Aid are your best source of help: you need to stop contact and say that it is because of his aggressive behaviour: all future contact must be through a contact centre.

Flip