[gulp]
I have a friend, who I used to work with when I lived in New Jersey. He's a very nice guy, we have a lot in common and I've always enjoyed being in his company - although until recently it was always with other people, for example a bunch of us from the office going out for lunch. He's divorced, has been for some time, with no kids. He has always made it clear that he's fond of me, but never as anything more than a friend (at least I assumed so) and I was married for most of the time I've known him anyway.
That's the background. Anyway, a few of my ex-colleagues were trying to arrange a trip down to Florida to visit me, and in the end it was only him who could come, and he came for a long weekend in December. It was a little strange, suddenly spending 3 straight days with someone who I don't really know that well, but the kids were a good distraction, and we had a nice time. Nothing happened, although the thought did cross my mind, even though I'm not really physically attracted to him. And I wasn't sure whether he was interested either.
Since then we have been emailing each other all the time, although we haven't spoken on the phone. Well, on Monday morning (Valentine's Day) a huge bouquet of a dozen pink and peach roses was delivered, with a card which said "thinking of you today as usual". Now with my lack of self confidence I'm still not convinced that he's interested, but the couple of people I've spoken to about it say of course he is. We've emailed since and we have both tried to call each other but not managed to find a mutually acceptable time. I think probably tonight we will be able to actually talk, and I will probably invite him down for another weekend.
But, I'm very, very nervous and pretty confused. Not only is he the first (potential) relationship I've had since my husband died - and that has all sorts of issues with it - but the last time I started a new relationship I was a 19 year old thin, poor college student/au pair, and now I'm a 32 year old overweight wealthy stay at home mother of two.
I'm not looking for a husband, so it could work out well in that we wouldn't see each other that often (we're about 1000 miles apart). That's the kind of relationship I'd be interested in at the moment.
Gosh, this is long. Just wanted to try and figure it out myself I think. I'll keep you posted. I have butterflies at the thought of speaking to him tonight, and what we'll both say.