I know what you mean, I only want that family ideal too.
sounds like he is a charmer without substance to me. your time will come and it will all that you want it to be. you sound like me too, a bit wary and a bit picky. (that sounds awful but it is where you subconsciously avoid anyone that has any similarities to your ex which is often most people as for me, every woman is female, just like my ex ).
can you arrange to visit, go out or something with a friend, family member or kids?
also when you recite your new mantra, remember, that all on the surface may not be what it seems. your ex had a wonderful wife and kid (s) yet he is now with someone else. if he left, then his new wife may be in the same position as you one day and he may be getting cold feet etc now, if you left, then you must know you are better off without him and it was his loss and that his new wife may just be a substitution or replacement for you and so he may not really be happy.
if you think and look hard enough, you can always find positives, I can't say too much as I am having trouble finding these at the moment but believe that something will turn up, good will emerge and more often than not, it will and in the most unexpected places.