Failing to see what the point was of me ever joining this group

[IllegallyBrunette]

Life just carries on getting shittier and shittier, I may aswell of stayed as I was.

im really sorry, just been reading your other thread about the house swap, it must've been horrible to get your hopes up like that, and the kids too.
i would really want to go and slap that woman if i were you.

I think i reply to you cos we are in a similar situation, kind of, and you remind me of me a few months back.

I would love to punch her into the middle of next week tbh with you.

I know it must seem to people that I don't try, but I honestly do. I have no idea what is so wrong with me that makes people just not want to know.

For example. I wanted to go and see Mama Mia and so did my mate. I told her to let me know when she was free (she works shifts) and i would definatly go, whatever day it was.

I saw her on Monday and she told me she'd been, taken her 6 yr old dd to see it. That was bad enough, but then I found out that she'd been on Friday, you know the fridays that I sit in doing fuck all on my own because I have no one to go out with.

Now what exactly did I do to deserve that ?

God, thats out of order too.

You must feel like the world is against you?

nut, this is no help but youare not theonly one feeling like absolute shit, what i mean is, is that its NOT you, your fault, you alone, all just about it being crap cos you r yuo.
I feel the very same, i have noone i can truly trust, hell i don't even trust myself to be a good mum these days.

I have got to 39 and been dumped on by my husband, my parents, my sister, my health, god everywhere i turn.
I know its so hard not to feel down on yourself, and that you have come to the end.
I just want yuo to understand that life canhave bouts of crap. Ihave had about 6 yrs of it, from severe probs in my pg, losing a baby, then my husband fuckingoff, but i KNOW, i swear to god, i KNOW it is not ME.

I feel your pain i do. I recently got taken for a bit of a ride by someone, and got my hopes up. You got your hopes up and trusted someone, this house woman, and tbh, i think it was the straw the broke the camels iyswim.

You will surface sweetheart, stay strong, stay well.

keep coming here. xx

I do bellyup, irrationally so probably.

Thanks PC, you certainly sound like you could do with a break and something nice happening to you.

I wish things didn't bother me so much but thats just me.

Right, i am off to bed. Have to go for final dress fitting tommorow (it is so too small {shock}) so need to be up bright and early.

you still there?

wanted to chat to you.

Piratecat - you have hit the nail on the head about how I feel too.

I had a tears and snotbubbles day on Monday..I have them every now and then. I'm so so sick of people assuming that I'm fine because outwardly..... I am.

I am SO not.

I'm lonely. But I shouldn't be. I have loads of fab friends and I do get out once a week. But a series of shitty relationships have left me bitter.

I met a guy who seemed so perfect. But all my self doubt eventually drove him away and, in fact I ended it by text ( a nice one though ....sort take care...fun while it lasted) 3 weeks ago.

Self destruct.

Nutty I don't know all the things that have been going on with you coz I've been away from MN for a while. But I feel the same way as you do.... and I'm hoping to god that all the "it'll get better" comments are true.

I'm clinging to that but I don't see how it'll get better!

xxx

I too am fed up with the 'you never know what's round the corner' from well meaning friends who have no idea how shit my life is.

So much of what has been said here by more than one person applies to me too.

I recently replied to a friend who text me telling me to 'cheer up life's not that bad' by letting her know that my life was actually completely shit and while I might look like I was doing ok in fact quite the oposite was true. Told her that actually today was a pretty good day compared to a lot of days I had recently but that no nothing better was waiting round the corner, I was never going to meet someone given that I have no money to go out so wouldn't ever be anywhere to meet someone, even if I could get a babysitter, and that getting through each day was as good as it gets for me right now. When she finally replied it was to say she was really sorry and that she really didn't know what she could say to me. I said she didn't have to say anything, just being there as a friend would be enough. Didn't hear from her for anotehr week after that!

This was after she persuaded me to email a work colleague of hers who had recently split from his wife and would be "perfect for you", much against my better judgement. So when I got a little miffed at getting absolutely no response from him, even though after working on me for 2 weeks she assured me that he said it was ok to email him, and then a week later confimred that yes he had got my email and would reply in a couple of days but he'd been really busy. He never did reply...

It's taken me 3 years of hell to get over my last relationship. I get no support from family, only have a couple of friends, and have no money to go out so how am I ever going to meet someone. And who would want me when I'm such a miserable cow who can't trust anyone and won't let anyone close to me again for fear that they will hurt me yet again. I can't trust myself to judge people at all any more. I had a complete breakdown at one point and my mother's response was to 'go see the doctor for some pills' when I was so out of it I was on the verge of calling SS as I didn't think I could take care of my ds properly and felt terrible for him and just needed someone to give me an hours break if nothing else.

At times I have wanted to end it all and couldn't see any other way out and no way for my life to get any better and the only thing that stopped me was the fact that there was absolutely no-one I could leave my ds with.

But I got through those terrible days and things are better now, but still little things can set me off and I spend all night crying into my pillow and wondering how I ended up living this life and where are my dreams and happy family that I always wanted. I'm too scared to allow myself to dream any more or allow anyone close to me because it hurts so much when you allow that to happen again and they hurt you even worse than the time before.

We just have to do the best we can and be the best parent we can and get through to tomorrow with as much sanity as possible.

It's so hard though when you think things are improving or something exciting or good seems to happen and then you get knocked back. You wonder why you opened yourself up to any kind of possibility again.

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in having the feelings you are having today. The situation is not because of anything you did or didn't do. It's just that life basically sucks. It might look like everyone else has it so much better than you, but in reality very few of them do. You just have to make the best you can of each day. And if that happens to be a lying in bed feeling miserable and sorry for yourself day then go with it! I do now rather than trying to fight it all the time.

Tomorrow will be another day. It might not be a better day, but you will get through it and you will have a better day sometime soon. Lets face it, we got this far after some pretty awful days, we can get through a few more can't we

Take care
Gilly

Toothache, tears and snotbubbles. What a great terminology!
I called them a 'pissed up and break down' moment.

Had one earlier this week too.
It's my love for the dd's that keeps me going really.
Fab friends? Got none of those, only enablers. Parents? Nah, they aint spoke to me in a year.
Partner? Nay, he only wanted what was in my knickers. Once he had that, it was block and delete on MSN, no response to texts and not picking up the phone. Thanks for that. C*nt.

People assuming that I'm fine. LOL I wish there was people in RL to actually give a fucking shit....really.

Not had an half decent relationship since 2004. Miss the closeness and the companionship.
I even started an OU course for self progression...still more bloody loneliness....

Hope you are doing good?
Much love x x

I really want to see mumamia too, but don't think i dare attempt taking my ds with me. Would love to have someone to go with.

Such a shame we don't all live a bit closer to each other.

Where do you live Gilly?

Where does everyone else live? Maybe we could arrange a meet?

You all seem such lovely people on here, people that would be great to know in RL too.

Am in Ilford, Essex.

[prays] there's someone close....

Well i'm in Essex too! But not the outer London part I'm afraid. I'm way out on the coast, nearest train station is Southminter. No I don't expect you to have heard of it!

I work in Chelmsford though which is more in your direction, but I'm always rushing from school drop off to work back to school collection.

Where is everyone else?

Nutty - where is this lone parent group? perhaps i should join and spice things up a little are you coming to the birmingham meet in september?

It does pee you off when people say 'you never know what's round the corner'.

But that's because you don't know what's round the corner.

You can't see round there, and life experience has taught you that there's probably nothing there. And even if there is, it's probably shit.

I remember a friend at uni saying it to me (we're both v mature students!) I just wanted to tell her to eff off and not to try and placate me with bolleaux.

But there is always something round the corner... it might be a loooong corner to turn ... but there is always something there.
Even if you can't get out, there will be a widowed boiler man come to look at your pipes... Or a family wedding with a gorgeous usher... there will be something, I'm sure.

Otherwise, the world is just too unfair if only the bastards get to marry, and remarry, and marry again

I know CW,

I just blew some more snot bubbles.

Things here are good with the dd's really. Just shit with the job, no time off, bit pissed and listening to the wrong music and feeling very alone.

What's around the corner? PMSL it's a very loooooong learning curve....
Around the corner in my life, is another fecking door slamming in my face, that's what it is. I can see the good in it all, but they only want a shag..?
My bastard got married again, and asked for my advice on the rebound. Never knew if he was cheating, although I'm sure he was. Was in bed with her after 3 days of leaving the marital home.

Bit pissed now, time for bed. x x x

Sorry Toothy, buggered off to bed as soon as I'd posted.

I can so identify with the tears and snot bubbles days, have had plenty of those, and then I get mad with my self because I can't sleep because I can't breath LOL.

Anyway, can't sleep right now, rain was keeping me awake, so am now sat here with tea and toast.

Not sure about the meet up wornoutwaitress, clubbing isn't really my thing.

Tbh, the next person who tells me that I never know what is round the corner is seriously risking their health.

I know that really I should concentrate on what I do have and not get so wound up by what I don't have. I am just a miserable cow really tbh

Welcome to the club IB.

I am greatful, but life and stuff really pisses me off. Doesn't help that me and dd's are struggling, exh bollocks me about the lack of gas to wash the dd's, he's never offered to give them a bath at his...and he now tells me he's off to Sri Lanka next year, and his wife wants to give me a farking slap (her words and in front of dd2)

Glad you got rain IB, have all windows open and waiting patiently...

Am a miserable old cow too.Nice to meet you [shakes hand]
Although not sure about the tea right about now. More like finishing off the lager / wine!

Hope you're doing okay IB and all the others. Am off to bed now x x

IB, the whole world is wound up by what they don't have.

We're a world full of people who are on the take, trying to have what everyone else has got - if not more than what everyone else has got, so as to make everyone else green with envy.

It's normal to want what other people have. Especially something as basic as love. Farking hell, isn't love supposed to be free? yet we can't blardy give it away sometimes And when we can, it's often to some ungrateful bastard who looks upon your heart as if it were a '5p off at Lidl' voucher.

Well, nuts. Don't let those idiots define your worth. You deserve wonderful things to be in store for you. Why should they not be? Why should good things come to other people but never you? Even by the laws of probability, the odds that nice things will always happen to other people and never to you are, frankly, very slim. Even if you don't believe in mystery-men-round-corners, you can't argue with statistics

sorry, I hope I'm not pissing you off. I have been as down as some of you seem to be at the moment, and it is horrible to see. It's really an awful place to be,I do know that. I just want you to have some hope.
Life is shit without hope, isn't it?

just have a minute before I have to get DS ready for our trip.

but wanted to say gilly ((hugs)) I had no idea you've had such a shitty time of things as well - you always seem so composed, and your replies so well thought out.

nutty - I know you do all you can to get out etc, and have to agree with the other posters, this isn't YOU, it's not YOU doing any of these things. I was once suggested to me that it's a snowball effect of why things are shitty in life - as in if you crash your car one day you get out then youre in a rush, and worried about something, then something else happens - I don't know you get pulled by the police for a random check who find you need new tyres, then you get to the school gates half na hour late only to get a bashing from teh teacher, and then get home to find there's no tea becuase the reason you had the car crash was because you were thinking about dinner and at the super market.

(I hope you're understanding that more than I do! lol) so it's not YOU it's a chain of events that have been set in motion to lead you to this point.

as gilly says - you never know what difficulties those with the 'perfect life' have. A good example my mum keeps telling me when I get down is one of her friends when we were kids, in their house they had brand new everything kids had everything they wanted, mum was intensely envious as her/dad struggled big time, when it all came out, they were literally up to their eyes in debt (as in no food money as every penny went back to the bank) and the man had an affair/ran off with the other women - outwardly they seemed to have it all fancy cars possessions marriage the works. but you never know what goes on - by all accounts said lady was really upset.

so I say now we should be grateful for what we have, and even though it's hard (and I do know how hard it is believe me)but you have to keep hope - even just a little that things won't always be this shitty, things will come right in the end - I just can't think that things will always be this way. It can't get any worse now can it surely???

anyhow have a good weekend. try and get some rest as well (things always seem better with a good night's sleep) must get DS ready for our ma mouth drive - oh the joy!!

I'm in Essex too

Which part of Essex Tinkerbel? Are you closer to PurpleOne (Ilford) or me (nearer to coast Southminster way)?

Maybe we can all get together and go and see Mamamia in Chelmsford or Lakeside perhaps? Assuming can get a baby sitter....

gilly i'm right near lakeside so if you are doing anything nearby will join up with you

Tinker, that's not too far from me on the train either.