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[prettyfly1]

Tried to keep this under wraps yesterday while i processed but now i need to vent.

Just because life is not shitty enough right now and i am already struggling financially i am being made fxxking redundant. I slogged and slaved and pushed fourteen hours a day in my job through all the crap with L and the mis and everything else - through my sons nightmares. through a boss who hates me and finally got to permanent status to be LAID FECKING OFF.

The job market is shite, i am alredy up to my eyes in bills, ill get very little as i havent been there long enough and the likeliehood is after finally making the break with L, which is the most painful thing i have ever done and is killing every day anyway i will for the first time ever have to claim benefits - they will chase him and he will blame me starting it all up again. FXXKEDY FXKING ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Will stop now.

I guess.

The NHS is starting to take marketing seriously have you thought about sending your CV to human resources in your nearest organisations including PCTs?

Many community trusts are looking seriously at social marketing etc and there are departments at the SHAs as well.

not a biad idea actually - using my skills in a social or charitable context would feel more worthwhile then for a huge conglomerate thats for sure.

Agree fxxk what he thinks hun. Your thoughts are so powerful and as hard as it is think of all the positives...might seem many but there are some in your life.

I'm on benefits and manage really well. I could go self employed as a hairstylist but am learning reiki as would rather work p/t doing that and a bit of hairdressing. Anyway all I'm saying is benefits are ok and nothing to be ashamed of. Don't give a flying fig what anyone else thinks...block their opinions and concentrate on YOU!

You can fill any spare time you have doing so many things. You can do courses for free. Read more, take up painting...lots of things whatever you want.

see you're thinking more positively already

i am starting to wonder if a year off isnt what i need really anyway. i have slogged and slogged and slogged and life all just seems a bit empty and bleurgh at the moment.the money hasnt made any real difference, i never see my son and when i do i am tired, miserable and a real bitch to be around, i dont really sleep very well anymore and i am just generally a bit lost and like "where am i going"?

Well there you go then. You deserve a break and your son will benefit.

Agree and you sound as though you would use the time in a really positive way.

Plus you might pick up some part time work or consultancy if you send out your CV.

thats quite true. i have been freelancing fora while but i worry about being paid?

actually do you know what i would really like to do. run a little catering company. food is my passion. has anyone got any websites for looking at setting up small businesses - requirements, advise etc

would just like to say thats not a flash in the pan idea. i started out in restaurants, my parents are both chefs and i grew up in hospitality.

prettyfly, it sounds awful..I'd be bricking it too if i were you-it's so much to think about at once, poor you. on the upside, it sounds like youve been through worse than this so think strong!
this probably won't help you either, but, my sister is on benefits [has been for years] and she has never told them about her children's father and there is no csa involvement-she is just a straight forward single mum and gets her benefits alright.
also, i can completely understand what you mean about feeling like you never see your ds due to work and feeling tired and stressed all the time! it sounds like maybe, you could turn this around to your advantage- have a short/long [?] break [enjoy some summer and quality time together], get it straight what you want and need and then revamp and go for it-[your own business idea sounds fab!]

treacle thanks hon. i seem to swing from side to side at the moment and oddly enough what i thought earlier was how much i need to take a break from it all to get my head together. i have until mid august then i think i am packing the car and disappearing for a couple of weeks - we are due to go to italy for a week then anyway which will be my first holiday in years so perhaps then i can just have some space to sort my poor tired little head out. the csa know who the father of my son is - does that make a difference?

Hey.

Just wanted to check in.

What a difference a day makes. I got an email to my work in box offering me an interview to my dream job, i finally got in to see the physcologist my doctor recommended who assured me that i am neither mental, nor depressed but suffering from a long standing panic disorder which is actually quite easy to treat. I will always have it but some after a course of councelling and mild ads it will be managed very well by diet, excersize and relaxation techniques (after ten years of suffering thats a bloody relief in itself).

I called the nursery and sorted out some issues there and am trying to look through the finances. I am also going to keep my time in august off. I really really need a break. Now however i am going to do some research into my catering course!

I am not ok yet but ill get there. thanks girls!!
xxx

Oh Prettyfly, it was not for nothing - you don't know how this will end. Sounds to me like you have been very strong and not failed your son once. You have been there for him, everytime & you are still there now. I hope things get better for you soon.

prettyfly sounds great and I hope it all goes well.

Whilst taking a break always sounds good it seem to me that work pretty much makes you feel ok and is very important to you and so getting that sorted seems a good idea.