Summer holiday contact problem

[neva]

Only four weeks until the summer holidays and ex still hasn't told me dates when he will take dd on hol (I gave him my dates months ago). I work, so have to make arrangements for dd for the rest of the hols - how can I do this if I don't know his dates?

I am thinking about writing to him saying that as he hasn't told me his dates, I assume he has no preference and therefore dd will be available from xxx to xxx. But he is unlikely to go along with anything I say. He doesn't take kindly to being 'told.'

As it stands I don't even know if he will take her at all.I am loathe to waste hundreds of pounds booking holiday club for dd which may be wasted. My parents could help some of the time, but doesn't seem fair to have them on standby. Has anyone else face this and how did you deal with it? Thanks.

do what you said, write to him and say "unless you let me know by x which days you will have DD then I will assume you are not planning on having her at all.

if you change your mind and do decide to have her you will have to pay the holiday club costs for that period upfront before you have her."

im assuming you have told ex that you need to know fairly well in advance what dates he wants her?

thanks manky. I like the first bit of your suggestion. I think that would be enough to spark him into action in terms of giving me dates. I will also make it explicit (as if he didn't know!) that I work and therefore need him to propose dates at least 4 weeks ahead of the hols. All the best.

good luck !

Do you have an agreement or court order in place specifiying that he should have half the holidays or some other arrangement?

If so I think you could argue that if he's not going to have her then he should pay the childcare costs or make arrangements for his parents/sister etc to have dd instead!

In future ask for all summer holiday (and other holidays) to be arranged together at least 3 months in advance.

If you need help with a non confrontational letter which he can't pick holes in and complain about come back and we can help you with wording etc

Gilly

Thanks gillybean. We have an agreement that dd will spend holiday time with him. Problem is, when I write to him, he doesn't answer. Not sure if he even reads the letters! So asking him to let me know in advance or suggesting he pay wasted childcare costs etc is unlikely to achieve anything at all.

On the other hand he will expect to get what he asks for, even though he has asked at the very last minute. And I will probably bend over backwards to accommodate him, because I don't want the upset that would otherwise flow.

I expect I'll end up booking and paying for holiday club days 'just in case.'