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Marriage mistake, now separated need advice please.

8 replies

bathandbodyworks · 28/06/2026 12:48

was a single parent for years in my own home happy with my kids. dated as was lonely after years, met a wonderful man and after a few short months i discovered i was pregnant, we remained living separately and i continued working and claiming uc and i didnt want to disturb my older childrens by moving in together so soon.
during the pregnancy and after i gave birth he never supported me financially. after i had our baby, we thought it was the right thing to do by getting married and moving all in together shortly after. i suffered from post natal depression and left the new rental home agreement and bills all to him. i gave notice of my own tenancy and 3 days before the move i discovered txt messages on his phone revealing he had got his rental agreement rejected due to his bad credit score. i then find out he had been sacked from his job, is a gambling addict and is in massive amount of debt. i felt like i had been punched. i ended the relationship and begged my parents to take me and my children in as we had no other choice.
i dont even know this man.
i informed uc that i had moved out of my old property and into my parents as still a single parent. i have been a mess. my childrens lives turned upside down and the guilt i feel for being so stupid is unreal.

my problem is i need to also update my name as legally im still married. he has my marriage certificate and wont give me it so i dont know what to do about proof of name change? and im worried they will not believe that we are separated as we only recently got married. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated ❤️

OP posts:
KellsBells7 · 28/06/2026 12:49

You can get a duplicate copy of your marriage certificate from the GRO.

MegMortimer · 28/06/2026 12:51

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, OP. I believe you were strong to get rid of this useless man. As above, just apply for a duplicate copy of your marriage certificate.

bathandbodyworks · 28/06/2026 13:11

thankyou all ❤️ i know when i update uc that they will question the relationship as to why i got married then a very short while later im separated and living in with my parents whilst i get back on my feet. we still are in contact due to our child so he could verify we are bit financially tied share no bank accounts etc and we are no longer together but is he being so difficult i know he will not cooperate.

OP posts:
bathandbodyworks · 28/06/2026 13:12

i will also apply for a copy of my certificate. thanks

OP posts:
bathandbodyworks · 30/06/2026 11:33

i updated UC and they said they want evidence of my name change in an appointment at the job centre.
i have obtained my marriage certificate so il take that. im just worried they may ask alot of other personal questions about our marriage and why i don’t live with him and why i ended it. its very painful for me to discuss this.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 30/06/2026 11:36

I’m so sorry this happened to you - I had something similar relationship wise after my divorce when I rushed into something else, but luckily I didn’t get married or get pregnant but ended up kind of stuck with someone for several years in a joint place till I had saved enough to ‘move on’ - he had managed to hide lots of not great things until I moved in including a big drink problem, banned twice but was driving again post ban , so I didn’t know that, lied about his job etc

FatBottomGirlz · 30/06/2026 11:38

Just tell them you found out he had a gambling problem and debts 3 days before you moved in together. This resulted in you separating and you moved in with your mum as you had given notice on your tenancy.

Boopydoo · 30/06/2026 11:42

You need to just be honest with them, if you are in the office for a face to face appointment I am pretty sure you could request to talk to your advisor in a private space. They aren't going to tell you off if you do get upset, they will be patient.

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