single mums with older kiddies come here and reassure me....

[smeeinit]

my ds's are 18 and 16 and its sudenly dawned on me that they dont need me anymore
i am very close to ds2 and have done everything together over the past few years,hes now starting full time work and im feeling very lonely and lost.

ive been on my own since divorcing their dad 12 years ago and am still unsure weather i want a relationship again....im happy on my own and fiercly independant!
i feel really lonely though at the moment and kind of feel like im forcing myself to go and find a man to fill the void!
i have a lot of friends,single and married but dont want to "be a burden" to them at the weekends as they all have their own lives and surely dont wnat me tagging along!

someone please tell me this feeling gets better because its really upsetting me right now.

Hi smee

My dd's are a bit younger than yours (13 and 10). I've also been on my own since divorce 8 years ago. Couple of relationships but nothing significant.

You don't need to force yourself into a relationship if you don't want one. How about just dating for a bit?

Haven't got any other advice to offer really, but I do know how it feels.
Shift over smee, I'm sure there's room on that shelf for the both of us!

I am dreading this happening to me, as my children are younger than yours, but are starting to need me less. But the day will come.

Im sure over the years there has been many things that you have wanted to do but haven't had the time/energy/or chance to do it. Night classes when you had the children etc, travelling (but put off as it is nightmare dragging reluctant teens!) etc Can you use this time to achieve your goals that you have out on hold?

Im starting to feel the same ds16 and dd14, it only hit me when ds got a job last week. As im not working (am looking) i feel sooooo lonely. Am close to dd but at 14 she's not going to want to hang around with me much.

Its silly things eg: holidays, parties etc

thanks guys.
i felt really down about it this morning but have had a lovely day with ds2 in the pool and then out for tea so am a bit happier this evening!

Hi Smeeinit, Thank goodness I'm not the only one feeling like this. My Ds's are 16 and 17. I've been divorced 11 years, in no relationship, and love being independent. Now I can do things, without having to find a babysitter, it's quite daunting. I have a job, and am studying p/t.
My eldest Ds has suggested I return to the hobbies I used to have, which is a good idea. I'm struggling with it though, as being a mum has become my way of life. Yet, when they were younger, I used to wish they were older, so I could do more things.

Hi smee, I am a single mum of three, dd 18, ds 15 and ds 13. As they grow old they need me less and that allows me to do things I couln´t do when they were younger. That´s good!
I don´t need another man to hurt me, I´m OK by myself,
Your kids will always need you, even in a different kind of need, being there avaiable for them is the real issue now, bus as important as when they were very little.

Yes, your children will always need you - I agree. Your mum is always your mum.

You have done very very well if your boys are independent. My teens (17, 18 & 19) all depend on me pumping their bloody lungs to keep them breathing, it sometimes seems. They are useless. Much as I love them, I have been too soft and they can't stand on their own feet. So well done for letting them find their own feet, but they will never outgrow you. Don't worry.

thanks for your replies.
its really good to know that im not the only single parent that doesnt actually want to be in a relationship!

im so used to doing things at the weekend with ds2 and now he is working,this is where im really struggling.although i do appear very confident,i dont really have the confidnece to go out and do things on my own.
maybe it will get easier.

How about volunteering? That's what I will do when I get the chance.

By volunteering, you don't have to think about yourself, just on the job that you are doing.

I think friends are the most important thing Smeeinit and to be honest I bet they dont think you are tagging along at all. Sometimes it is our perceptions which are at fault and we think we are being a gooseberry or burden when we are not.