ExH wants to claim Child Benefit and Working Tax Credits for DS1- intimidating me.

[BobDowne]

I just don't know where to start with this. Ex said in mediation he thought he should be able to claim for one of the children as this would make him feel more secure as a father So i said i would consider it after 2 months if he stopped using financial matters to threaten me with. He's started hassling me about it, accusing me of going against agreement. I would be much worse off if i let him do this - he says he will pay me back the money i lose out on and half of any extra for working tax credits. I just don't think i could trust him to give me the money - and what is the point then anyway? I know he hates me as i left him (wonder why?) and would probably enjoy seeing me have to move somewhere smaller. I'm far too pathetic to stand up to the arse, i just haven't got the strength anymore.

I have a friend who split with her H. He wanted half of her money, because they had joint custody, but he worked, she was on benefits, so she refused. He refused to let their kids stay with him overnight, and only had them each Sunday.
I would be very wary about handing your money over to him. He can't make you do it. If he's working, he should use his own money to provide for his kids.

Why does he want the money if he is just going to hand the money back to you?

Why is he threatening to stop seeing the children if he is hell bent on having a huge part in their lives?

The only answer is - control.

he wants to control what you do, what they do, he wants to say if and when you get that money.

Don't sign anything over to him. All you have promised to do is consider it.

Take yourself down to the CAB if you like but at the end of the day, you know you have the rights, it's just making sure you enforce them.

If he is in receipt of the child benefit I think he has a good case for attempting to gain custody as well. Stay strong, do what is right for your children

Thanks for all your replies. The getting full custody is what i'm worried about madmuggle, he has said before (only in anger apparently he claims he didn't really mean it) that he would do whatever it took to get DS1 to decide to live with him when he's old enough. So there's another reason not to trust him. I've made an appointment for mediation again. Will make lots of phone calls before then to get as much info as i can.

An update - Should have been going to mediation tomorrow but he told me yesterday he wouldn't be able to go so i'd have to cancel it. Then said he'll be putting in claims anyway for CB and CTC and that my claims would automatically be stopped. Now he can't really do that can he without my consent?

Does he have their birth certs?
They will prob pay you both for a week or two, then realise and stop one or both of your claims

'Then said he'll be putting in claims anyway for CB and CTC and that my claims would automatically be stopped. Now he can't really do that can he without my consent?'

I'd phone them up asap and let them know what he's doing and that he doesn't have your consent and is not he custodial parent, then follow up with a letter.

Then, no one gets paid till you work it out.

He's bullying you.

Don't let him do it.

Hi. I don't think he can do this, without the Inland Revenue talking to you first. My exH tried, but they contacted me first to discuss the situation. He also tried to get a council house, by telling the council he had custody, but they contacted me, I told them I had custody, and he didn't get anything.
I also have a friend who got custody of his kids and he had a lot of trouble trying to get CB, etc, because his ex wife wouldn't give the Inland Revenue any info. She did eventually, after a few months, but they wouldn't act until she did. Hope this helps.

if the CB is in your name, they'll definitely want to know the reason for the transfer.

they did when we switched DD1's CB to my name.

when we first got it, i wasn't eligible to have recourse to public funds as i was still on a visa, so DH claimed her - he was a SAHD as well.

but when DH went back to work FT and i became the primary caregiver we switched it to protect my NI status.

and they queried it. he had to sign something, too, IIRC.

tax credits will usually stop both of your claim in the event of a joint claim in which the couple has split and force you to re-apply.

So what's he going to put on the claim forms when they ask if anyone else is claiming money in respect of the children? I'm sure he can't get away with that without your consent short of committing fraud.

I also think you've got a case for complaint on the mediation. Financially if you're on benefits this is a bad idea for you.

I don't know what the deal with mediation is, and what mechanism there is if people don't do what they've agreed to, but surely this kind of bullying and harassment is a breach of a mediation agreement? And his refusal to return to mediation which you've asked for can't reflect well on him if this escalates - tell him that if he can't/won't attend he should cancel

I wouldn't have thought he would find it so easy to change the residence order - under the Children Act it's about more than who gets the benefit.

Hi. I've just remembered that when I went back to using my maiden name, I told tax credits, but forgot to tell CB, so CB suspended my payment until I rang them and they wanted an explanation about my name change as they suspected fraud. Tax credits had told them.
I agree with the others, you should get in first by contacting CB and Tax credits to explain what ex is trying to do.