Will advice for lone parent

[CookieCookies]

This is a bit sensitive so trigger warning …..

I know we can say who we want our children to go to in a will but can we also say who we dont want our children to go to? I’m asking because I had a family member die very young recently leaving behind two small children and now I keep having nightmares and worrying what will happen to my children if something happens to me. I have an abusive family member who I do not want them to go to but would almost certainly try to gain residency of them. Can I do a will stating I don’t want them to go to this family member? (They will not go to their father) i dont have anyone for them to go to so im not asking if I can list someone for them to go with just if I can state who I absolutely dont want to have them

I think you can put any wishes in a will. (Not a solicitor).

My one says my kids are to go to my mum or sister, not their dad who they don't know.

Yes, mine says not to go to bil.

@CookieCookies you need proper legal advice from a STEP solicitor. https://www.step.org/directory/members

My understanding is that there is no guarantee who will end up being your children’s guardian because it will be what is best for them.

What you can do is specify who you do and do not want to look after them. I would also compile a file of evidence of why someone is unsuitable.

I would also think carefully about finances. The person/people who will manage your estate to benefit your children. This doesn’t have to be the same person/people as their guardian. You need to think how and when you want DC to have access to their inheritance. There are day to day expenses, one off as children e.g. school trip, bike etc. funding university, house deposits etc.

Given you have lost a family member with young children your heightened anxiety is perfectly normal. You will be going through the grief cycle for your loss and really thinking through how you can best help your children is a pragmatic thing you can do.

Remember you can change a will so what is right now may not be in 5 or 10 years time. Having a will and regularly reviewing it, is important. As is having LPAs in place.

Edited for grammar.

You can name guardians in your will. From speaking to a solicitor it is a problem if both parents died at similar time and named different guardians for any children under 18. The guardians can be different to any trustees who look after any monies until the child or children are old enough to take charge of them themselves.

Depending on age of the children “they will not go to their father” is not something you can control. If he has parental responsibility he will always be who courts/social services approach first. Naming someone as a Guardian in your will doesn’t mean they can usurp the remaining living parent. You can make a statement of wishes but it doesn’t have to be upheld

Hi, people are misreading my post. They will not go to their father as he doesn’t want them as specified in my post and he has said multiple times he doesn’t want them. I also can’t name anyone As there is no one that would have them, im asking if I can specifically name they don’t go to a family member related to me as they are abusive so can I ask they don’t go to them they’d be better off in foster care.

Do yoir children have any contact with this family member? Or contact with their fathet?

No contact with either but this particular family member why try to seek residency (if that’s the right word) if anything was to happen to me

Firstly I’m sorry for your loss of your family member.

As I understand it from other people who’ve been through this, your wishes in your will for guardianship are really only “what id like to happen”, it’s taken into consideration but ultimately children’s social services decide what happens, taking your wishes into account. I think a note that you don’t want your dcs to go to Xxx because they were abusive to you/others, would have to be considered when making a decision about placing your dcs.

Definitely book some time with a solicitor to discuss the wording.

One more thing, if you do add that to your will, make sure you make a note to update your will once your dcs are adults. You just don’t want the point your kids read your will to suddenly be about this person you hated 40/50 years ago, and hopefully died well before you.

Are you sure the father won’t change his mind if there are assets that would go to your children that he would ultimately manage and benefit from? Eg your house is left to your children or a death in service/life insurance policy that pays off the mortgage ….and then he decides that he’d move in mortgage free to “raise them? (I’ve known that happen….)
as other posters have said social services ultimately decide …. And that can be the complete opposite of your wishes

No he wouldn’t. Hes not involved and doesn’t want to be a father, there will be no assets and he wouldn’t care if there was.

It would be good if their father wanted them, this isn’t about him as he doesn’t and has no contact. He is also better off financially than me so finances wouldnt be an incentive for him. This is purely if I can prevent an abusive family member taking them.

Ah ok. Is there absolutely no one you could appoint as a guardian? If there isn’t then it will 100% be up to social services to decide their future. You can write a letter stating your reasons why you don’t want this family member but without evidence - of which your letter will be unsubstantiated there really is nothing you can do x

Thanks, I do have evidence