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Original poster

Please help

19 replies

worriedanon · 18/06/2008 10:54

(have name changed)
Noticed last night that DS (2.5) has 5 small bruises at the back of the top of his thigh. Looks a bit like fingertip marks to me. I have noticed similar before, on one occasion about 6 months ago he had 5 marks like this on his back.
He has daytime unsupervised contact with his dad twice a week, the last time being Sunday.
There is considerable history of his Dad (my XP) being violent to me when we were together and on several occasions he was far too rough with DS whilst we were arguing - shoving him at me and, once, hitting me with him (when DS was 9 months old).
We have been through a lengthy court battle about contact and the current arrangement is a result of this. DS is happy to go to see him and seems fine when he comes back. He did not reply when I asked what had happened to his leg yesterday, I didn't push it - don't want to put words into his mouth.
Took him to nursery this morning hoping to be able to ask the manager for advice, Unfortunately she was away and I didn't want to ask one of the other workers. Have since phoned parentline and then the NSPCC helpline who were keen for me to report this to SS.
I just want a second opinion before opening a massive can of worms - I could be wrong about the marks but don't have anyone here to have a look/discuss it with. Can't get a Drs appointment today.
Is it likely that the marks could have been caused on Sunday but not noticable til last night? Don't think I bathed DS on Monday night but think I would have noticed when I changed him.
Sorry this is a bit ramblely and incoherant - don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedanon · 18/06/2008 10:58

bump

OP posts:
beeny · 18/06/2008 11:01

I think you are right to be concerned you should report it to social services

Bronze · 18/06/2008 11:02

Agree with Beeny. If they don't think they are fingers marks they can always say so but its not worth the risk considering your exs history.

Bronze · 18/06/2008 11:03

I meant not worth the risk not to say

Mutt · 18/06/2008 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
worriedanon · 18/06/2008 11:06

Thank you. The marks are fairly small - if they were on the front of his legs I would just think he'd fallen over but I don't think that could explain this.
Contact seems to have been going ok recently and XP and I have been managing to be 'civil'. Afraid of rocking the boat without good reason but think this is a good reason.

OP posts:
Hassled · 18/06/2008 11:07

WHat a complete nightmare for you. The thing is, if you do nothing and something worse than finger-bruises appear you'll never be able to forgive yourself. It coudl be something and nothing, but you need someone else to have a look and some expert advice. Get your GP to take a look, try again with the nursery manager and go with your instincts. If it is nothing, then at least you'll be reassured.

Mutt · 18/06/2008 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
worriedanon · 18/06/2008 11:13

Thing is I ended up feeling like the court/CAFCAS and even my solicitor thought I was exagerating or being hysterical about what's happened in the past. Was told it wasn't 'bad' enough for contact to be stopped or supervised. Everything seems to have been going ok for a while and I've resigned myself to the contact.
Might ring Nursery to see if I can speak to the main manager. Drs haven't got any emergency appts left but said to try later for a cancellation.

OP posts:
Mutt · 18/06/2008 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solo · 18/06/2008 11:23

What about speaking to your HV? they usually know what to do.

Original poster
worriedanon · 18/06/2008 11:29

Yes - thanks. Just worried that as soon as I speak to someone 'official' the whole situation will blow up. Wish I had a friend or family near enough to have a look at DS and tell me whether I'm being irrational or not.
Have left a message at Nursery for the main manager.

OP posts:
gillybean2 · 18/06/2008 11:46

SS will likely ask your ex if he has any explanation. He may well be able to explain how they occurred, or he may have no idea. Also the nursery may be able to recall if something might have happened there. Personally I wouldn't ask the nursery supervisor for her opinion re your ex at this stage. If you are going to call in SS and it may possinly have happened at nursey or with your ex you need the right questions to be asked to each situation.

Sometimes my ds has bruises he simply can't explain or hasn't realised he's done. He had one on his back a couple of weeks ago that concerned me, but he couldn't think of any way he had got it. So I think it's nothing to worry about that your child can't give an explanation as to how he might have got a bruise and you were right not to push him to think up a reason for it or that it was something to be worried about too much at this point.

I agree it's very unusual for a bruise to appear in the back of a leg. My son is always bumping his shins and they look dreadful sometimes, but he's only ever twice had a bruise on the back of his leg. Once he bashed his leg against the play equipment at school when he slipped, and the other time he slipped over running on my wooden floor in socks and landed on a toy. Ouch! Both times accidents but it takes a lot of 'pressure' to bring up a bruise like that.

You have been advised to contact social services. I suggest you do also take the child to the doctor and get them to record the bruises and if they think they do look like finger marks. Also you might want to take a photo to show how big etc. If the doctor is concerned they will be obliged to contact social services, as will the nursery if they notice them and are concerned. They do not have to speak to you about it first either so don't think they'll approach you first.

Gilly

solo · 18/06/2008 13:29

I caught Dd by her leg as she flew off my bed once. That left a few finger mark bruises.

herbietea · 18/06/2008 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
worriedanon · 18/06/2008 13:38

Hi - have now spoken to nursery manager who sounded very concerned and is getting back to me re what to do. Solo, I know there could be an innocent explanation but want someone to give me a second opinion I suppose, if it was the first time I'd seen something like this I probably would have let it go but it's not.
Don't want to ask XP as he is liable to fly off the handle if he thinks I'm accusing him - we don't have any mutual friends I could get to ask him on my behalf.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedanon · 18/06/2008 22:14

Hi - just an update. The 'experts' agree that the marks are suspicious and are following things up. There still may be an innocent explanation of course but think I'm glad it's being dealt with. Thanks to you all for your advice this morning - was in a bit of a state, to say the least.

OP posts:
Mutt · 18/06/2008 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solo · 18/06/2008 23:13

No worried, I wasn't suggesting it is innocent, just expressing that this is what could have happened. I too would be suspicious and cautious in your position. I'm definitely on your side here.

good luck, hope it is ok for you.x

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