How are people doing this every day?

[ChocolateCups]

Im utterly exhausted and barely coping? Tell me how you are all doing it every day as every single mum I speak to says it’s easy and they love doing it alone. Where am I going wrong im barely surviving

Yes, and that you will somehow manage to magic up even more time for this: more tasks to add to the endless “to do” list! Unless the Earth’s rotation slows down a little so that days are actually a higher number of hours long, how is this “helpful” advice for someone who already has no rest to recover and probably not enough sleep?!

It’s hard, OP. I think you just go into survival mode and don’t emerge for a decade or more.

Thank you, the comments on here seem to suggest otherwise.

It's genuinely not easy. I'm 15 yrs in, no nights off and one with SEN.
I'm the healthiest person I know but even being healthy doesn't stop day to day life being gruelling.

I would strongly recommend getting to the doctors - you will feel a right fool if you discover it’s iron deficiency

The 14 year old can watch their younger siblings for an hour, go out for a walk, buy a coffee, read a book on a park bench. Oh and if course they should be helping with housework, all of them according to their abilities/age, with the eldest 3 making a simple meal each every week and the youngest can help with clearing up, loading dishwasher or washing up. Everyone sorts and brings their laundry down, eldest 3 are quite old enough to help with cleaning properly and the youngest can empty bins, more basic tasks. With 4 kids there’s more to do but more help too.

No I won’t.

Thanks all but no need to comment anymore you’re obviously all better parents than me that you’d be able to handle 4 kids no family to help and never having a single night to yourself 🥇 👍

In my experience it was easier doing it alone than it was with an adult I didn’t like in the house. I made all the decisions and didn’t have to argue about them with anyone.

He left me so that wouldn’t apply here but this thread can die out now.

Oh you like being exhausted all the time ? Sorry misunderstood

Hey so I’m a lone mum of 3 and have been since twins were babies - I work full time and one child has complex medical needs which will never get better. I’ve been doing it 5 years so I don’t know how I’ll feel in another 5

id ignore what MN says about jobs for the older ones - they are perfectly capable - and would be good character building for them to hep out around the house - I don’t think the exhaustion gets better I just get used to it I think x

I don’t have any (or many!) answers really just moral support

OP, with respect... you came on asking how people are coping. PP are explaining how they cope, or suggesting things that could help and you're being pretty rude back and ignoring all advice given.

The PP all read as coming from a good place. No one has been rude to you. Most have agreed it must be tough with 4 kids.

You are not alone at all in this but I have to say you have a horrible attitude to some of the responses. You are asking for help and advice when you clearly do not want help nor advice. Mine never stay away from home either, not one night away from home, no family in this country and I hold down a full time job. Am I a better parent? No, but am i getting on with things rather than getting angry? Yes. And that is what you have to focus on how YOU can make things easier for yourself if you are constantly tired be it going to a gp for bloods or giving your kids a chore chart - both I fully recommend.

It the lack of sleep and no time off that means things snowball. Now both my kids have finished school I'm starting to chip away at things that have been left for a decade or so.
My priory for all those years was work, kids and health. I didn't have brain space for anything else. My only breaks were when I was ill and off work.

I only have 2 and a partner but he works 12-14 hours 6-7 days a week. I’m self employed, working from home. It would be absolutely impossible for me to have a job to fit around him unless I worked nights. I’m finding it fucking hard a lot of the time. I don’t know how you’re doing it.

I have four DC and a DH and I am continually exhausted. I take my hat off to you OP. I know how relentless it is with 4 and would struggle without support due to chronic health issues.

I think the OP is just having a pity party.
There’s some constructive ideas here, but she would rather moan. 🎻

I think that’s allowed.

Your children are old enough to be doing alot to help with the running of the house.

eldest could easily make dinner one evening a week, a simple pasta bake etc whilst other siblings do washing up, clear the table.

Make tasks a family effort. Get them all collecting the dirty laundry from around the house, you can put the washing on, someone else empties it and hangs it out.

start new evening routines if you need to. Everyone to be in bedrooms by a certain time. Even if they’re not sleeping but that gives you time to unwind and relax too.

Get them to have all of their uniform in a pile the evening before school so mornings aren’t as much of a rush. Have a tick chart for the younger children where they can tick off morning jobs they can do themselves. Brushing teeth, packing water bottle in bag etc.

I do agree with OP though. GP can't solve the exhaustion issue. That's just how it is with 4 DC. Unlikely to be iron deficiency. I had all that checked years ago, all usual checks but told there's nothing wrong medically, just the circumstances that make life exhausting. Sometimes there isn't a magic fix. OP is just busy and doing everything herself. It isn't easy. Mine are 18, 15, 10 and 8. I do understand as I feel similar each and every day.

I have caught on to this. My 8 year old was begging to make his own milkshakes (whipped cream etc). I’d been resisting, fearing a mess. Then one day I showed him, then the next decided to just let him crack on. Now he and his 5 year old sister can make their own. So we’ve gone from that to making omelettes and scrambled eggs (not unsupervised with those, obviously). But they really do seem to be loving learning how to do useful things. The best of it is DD loves cleaning up and wiping everything down.

Put the subject matter in the title

Op, I feel for you, my mum was a single parent after my dad died, my brothers were 15, 12, 8 when he passed away and she was pretty much doing it all for 2 years before while he had cancer. (I'm the eldest and moved out at 18) Organisation was the key for her, everyone had set jobs, she meal planned and prepped, she taught them each to cook, clean and do washing, I've taken that and did the exact same in my house and I had free time to decompress when things got rough. We decide meals as a family, I meal prep as much as I can on shopping day and then as evening meal is cooking i prep for the next day. Uniforms were ready and school lunches were made the evening before, I always put a load of washing on at night before bed and 1st thing in the morning. I set a timer for 15 mins to tidy a communual room a day, the kids had the same time for their rooms each day. Decluttering was a must. Kids doing chores on a weekend/after school is definately normal, it prepares them for the real world. Hope it gets easier for you.

OP I’m single parent to 3 (2 disabled), no other parent no family at all. It’s hard but start a routine. My kids rotate jobs after school changing each day: wipe surfaces, see kitchen floor, tidy sitting room. I do a load of laundry every day and separate it per person. Each child puts their own clothes away. They make their own breakfast, their own packed lunches. I prompt and remind them and they can get dinners if they forget. They have a set routine: tea at 6, then tidy up, showers, hang out, bed. Thy change their bedsheets every weekend. We are lucky enough to afford a cleaner once a fortnight - see if this is feasible for you. My kids are similar ages to yours. You can do this, try to make some positive changes to benefit you all

Perhaps if you wasted less energy on melodrama you wouldn’t find it all so difficult 🙄

if you genuinely want advice rather than to just get snippy and “woe is me” with people, the answer is- always prep the night before, and put the kids to work.