Can I say 'enoughs, enough' now?

[hownottodoit]

Xp has seen dc's 3 times in 2 years. He phones them once or twice a week, makes them empty promises, never asks them how they are, and is a nasty piece of work anyway.

They want to call dp dad, but have some twisted sense of loyalty to xp, so won't. Can I say enoughs enough and ask him to stop contact completely, or should I carry on letting him do as he pleases?

You've probably already reminded him of his responsibilities and told him what you've said here - he needs to be reliable, truthful and be a proper father to him.

If he chooses not to, there is nothing you can do about that.

It doesn't matter if they call your dp `dad' though, does it? If he loves them and is there fore them, that is good.

Could you persuade your ex to go to mediation? If you do that - believe me - he will get told he is being unreasonable for doing what you say he is.

Argh, hard choice.
I said 'enough is enough' to XP wrt our two children.
He never bothered with them and would promise to see the, I'd tell them and DD would get all buoyed up (ds doesn't understand who he is), then he'd cancel with some bollocks about work or w/e.

One time I had driven half way to his house (40 miles away) and got a text saying he was working away, I knew it would be bollocks so we acted like I didn't get it, and I turned up at his mums with the kids (he was living there at the time) he was in the pub
Anyway, I gave him chance after chance, he isn't allowed to call my house or my phone, all contact had to go through his mum, but he still fucked around, now I won't allow them in his sole care, he sees them through his mum or sister.

Could you do that? Is there anyone that would take responsibility for them to see that side of their family? That way you know they wouldn't be being let down?

Sadly even when the DC's go to their Nan's apparently he only pops round for five minutes, sees them and clears off again. Arsehole.

How close does he live? Personally I'd stop phone contact, tell him you're not happy that he makes them empty promises so from now on he has to arrange it with you, and you don't tell them he has said that he is going to turn up. Give him a couple of opportunities to show he can be relied on, but tell him it's his last chance, you won't let him do this to them anymore, you'll wipe the slate from before now, but you're starting again, and as soon as he fucks up that's it, he'll have to go to court to get you to agree to him seeing them again.

Oh and wrt the Dad thing, my two call DP Dad, it took DD a while to want to or to feel comfortable and we never asked her if she wanted to or anything, it just came naturally, if that's something they want to happen, leave them to choose when they feel ready.
As lostdad says the relationship is important not his title, if it's what they want they'll d it when they feel comfortable.
DD actually uses D's first name when talking about him to her real Dad (when she sees him) but calls him Dad to her nan and everyone, she calls her real Dad by his first name to everyone except him as well.
Her idea, we just support her in her decisions.

Thanks for responses. It just makes me so mad. He took me to court for parental responsibilty, and access. We agreed that, on his terms, he would see them every other weekend, and they would stay from friday night till Sunday evening. This has happened twice since it was agreed and he saw them for the day once.

He was violent towards me , whilst we were together, and has been threating and abusive since we split, but I have never said a bad word about him to the dc's. They are just confused more than anything. The whole thing just seems so pointless to me, he plays no real part in their lives, but the fact he still has this minute bit of contact is stopping them from moving on imo.

I know exactly where you're coming from, if my DC's dad was of any benefit to them I'd bend over backwards to give them some kind of relationship, but he's not and I sometimes wish the rest of his family were the same rather than trying to force him to see them, and still being interested in seeing them because without his mum there would be no reminder of him but as it stands DD wonders why he is such an Arse because she knows he is in the pub up the road and can't be bothered etc.

Some people don't deserve the rights they are born with.