Bit of backstory, my sons dad and I split when my son was 9 months old, he’s now almost 6 and my sons dad has had him one night a week since then (his choice)
For the first however many months after we split I begged him to see our son more but he had an excuse every time, sometimes not turn in up at all and eventually I gave up and accepted things as they were and was just thankful I got to see him 6 days a week.
My son has suspected ADHD and autism and has absolutely hated going to see his dad since we split. I don’t think there’s a single Sunday since then that he hasn’t been absolutely hysterical about going, I had hoped it would get easier as he got older and was no longer an infant or breastfeeding, but it has gotten worse and worse the older he has got. When I collect him from school on a Monday after he has been to his dads on a Sunday evening he is always so upset and anxiously asks me how many days he has left til he has to go back, and will ask every day after how many days he’s got left til dads again.
I think this is solely down to the fact he doesn’t deal well with transitions and he has told me ‘i don’t feel ‘comfortable at dads like I do at home’. I am autistic myself and I know how much I hate being away from home and the anxiety it causes, but I make a big effort to make dads sound fun, I tell him in advance what to expect, we stick to the exact same routine every weekend and I tell him how much dad wants to see him and is excited to do fun activities together but he still doesn’t ever want to go.
Fast forward to now, his dad has decided he wants to have him an extra night, I will still be doing school pick up, but dad wants to pick him up after he finishes work after tea time, take him to sleep over there and will take him to school the next morning.
I asked my son about how he feels about this and immediately he’s sobbing, he said his dad asked him if he wanted to start to see him an extra night a week last time he was there and he said no 🙈
I’ve just dealt with a two hour meltdown just with the mention of the change and I feel horrific and don’t know what to do. His dad had him an extra night a few months back after school and my son was so distraught he wouldn’t let go of me and his dad had to practically drag him away, and it was awful.
I know he’s still very young, but he has consistently disliked going as it is ever since we split. I really wish he could enjoy going and relax when he’s there but he spends the entire week dreading going as it is and I’m just stuck between a rock and a hard place.
What do you think I should do? Me and my ex are amicable currently but I know he’d likely threaten court if I say no, and I don’t want to have to say no because I’ve wanted for years for him to make more effort but at this point I don’t think it’s in my sons best interests with how distraught he gets.