Am I being unreasonable not wanting to go out as a "family" on Father's day

[popcorn123]

I left my husband about 6 weeks ago because of his emotional and sometimes physcial abuse. He doesn't accept my reasons for leaving are valid and wants me to come home.

I have made it clear that he can see the kids at any sensible time if arranged. HE has seen them twice - once arranged by his brother and once by his mum.

He has said that it is my duty to take him and the kids out for lunch today as it is father's day.
I don't want to see him. I have said he can have the kids today. He hangs up when I say I am not coming along. I have got a present and card for him from the kids.

He is unable to watch both kids himself and his mum has to help. She also feels I should make the effort to go out for the sake of the children.

I don't want to do this. I think he we use this as an opportunity to manipulate me and there will be huge tensions which will not be good for the kids.

Am I being unreasonable?

Yes I can see how difficult that is, my family were thankfully able to see my ex as the nightmare he was (he even wrote to them after we split, basically saying, your daughter is a nutter, I know I was horrid to her but can't explain as you wouldn't understand, please tell her to take me back' and they kept this letter secret for some months to protect me from further stress!)
But his own mother, though initially seeming to be on 'my' side, then did all she could to attempt to get me to forgive him and let him back in.
Wen it became clear I wouldn't let him near my elder child even if he got access to the one we had together, she got rather nasty and started bossing me around - so I no longer see her either.
Some people just need to control others.

It sounds as though your ex's poor mum is stuck between you, but do remember that despite her best efforts she is probably afraid of him and will, when it comes to the crunch, possibly feel a big duty to come down on his side and protect him.

So be cautious about trusting her fully

I am very glad to hear you have a lawyer involved. This man does sound like a childish bully who just wants to get at you in whatever way he can.

Hope you are Ok this morning x

Yes his mum is scared of him and he tries to manipulate her in the same way. I know what you mean about not trusting her fully. I think she still expects that I will go back on day when i have made my point.

My family do get it to a certain extent but my mums still feels that I am obviously not communicating correctly if I can't get my point across.

They do think I am right for leaving though

Thanks.

Hi popcorn - I read this thread yesterday and my heart has been in my mouth for the last while since I read of the case in Wales where the father killed himself and his DCs yesterday. Have just seen your post of this morning. Was so worried it was your DCs.

Am assuming you didn't go out yesterday.

Hi Buda

Didn't hear about that tragic case in Wales. Awfil No not us - but it dreadful that these things happen. There was a case in Glasgow recently and I had an awful thought when I heard that case that my ex (wasn't my ex at the time) could be capable of that if he lost the plot.

No didn't go out yesterday. My mum took pity on him on arragned to meet him at a cafe with the dc's for a little while. So at least he got to see them and I wasn't involved.

Will definately need to get some advice from women's aid.