For background - split with ex when DD was 6months old. She’s now 11 and a half and at secondary school. He was a gaslighting bully and it took me a while to break free from him. I’ll admit to being scared of him for a while mid relationship with him, got to a point after DD was born where I finally decided enough was enough and left.
Over the years he has made comments to DD and she’s told me, and I’ve pulled him up on it.
He’s got 3 children, all different mums, my child is the eldest. He is still with youngest child’s mum, they’ve been together for about 5 years now. There’s a big gap with DD and the younger two. There’s biggest gap being 8 years.
So to the issue - DD has never had a best friend and watching her friendships at primary was a bit heartbreaking as while she had a group of friends and would be invited to birthday parties etc, she was never anyone’s first pick and didn’t have a best friend. Fast forward to secondary and she’s made friends with some nice girls with one - R - being her bestie. I’m so pleased she has found someone so nice.
Its R’s bday next week and her mum text on Wednesday night saying sorry for such short notice as she’d been ill but would DD like to join them for a day out on Saturday for R’s bday.
I mentioned it to DD who said she’d like to go, but her dad was at a training day and his GF was taking the younger two to their swimming lesson then straight to a party at a soft play for middle child. DD is expected to go and sit and watch swimming (as she has to every time she’s with him. He’s never paid for any of her clubs) and then go to the soft play. Which basically means entertain the youngest one. (She had said to R oh I’m meant to be ‘helping’ dads gf on Saturday so wasn’t sure if she could go).
I said well let’s message and see what he says. He came back with this was our plan but if DD wants to go that’s fine. So we sort it all out.
I collected DD this morning as her friend was getting her a bit later and her dad and gf needed to be out early. In the car she tells me her dad said ohhh GF isn’t happy with you. In a serious tone apparently. I said why because you’re not there to be her unpaid babysitter? (The younger two fight a lot) she was like I dunno. She said she was glad to get out as they were fighting when I got there.
I was absolutely fuming with this comment. I know I might be overreacting as I can’t stand the guy but why would you make your child feel bad about going out for her best friends bday?? He’s not even there today so not like she would have seen him anyway?? She wasn’t crying or anything but felt the need to tell me and asked me not to say anything.
I feel really mad about this - am I being over the top?