The Solo Parent Club

[Flyingwithoutwingsxxxxx]

I've seen so many threads on here, from lonely parents feeling isolated and overwhelmed by single parenting. I thought I'd start this thread as a place to come and vent, share stories and find company, all without having to leave your home! Hopefully people will use it and find comfort in knowing we are all here together. Happy posting!

Hello, I have just found this thread and it is exactly what I was looking for. Solo parent to a 3 year old, I've just moved away from stbxh and I'm so lonely. I'm not missing him in the slightest but I just don't have a village and even more isolated in our new house. I don't have time to meet new people and I've missed the baby groups stage :(

Hello to you both! I’m a soprano to two teen boys. I find the older they get the less I see them.. I literally sit on my own every night. Today is Mother’s Day - for some reason it seems to hit hard that I’m the one putting in a shift regardless 🫤 no one spoils me - not that the ExH ever did anyway! That said I’m thankful for my two amazing lads and the peace of not having to deal with the narcissistic twat anymore.

Sorry to hear today was tough for you. I was struggling this morning, but then it seemed to get better this afternoon. I have a narcissist for an stbxh as well, never does anything for any occasion and but never did either - I do the same for father's day. I think the fact your boys are close to you shows they know where the land lies. Sending 💐 it isn't easy x

Your boys should spoil you! Don’t let them be like their dad!

Hello x
I have DD who is almost 12 and split with her dad when she was 6months old. Been single ever since other than the odd date here and there. I’ve been ok but lately the loneliness is getting to me.
I also worry about DD a lot, I don’t think she really enjoys being at her dads (EOW and 1 night the weekend she’s with me) he has 2 other children and she has been mentioning a lot that one or the other is the ‘favourite’. There’s a big gap, 6 years between her and middle one and 9.5 yrs between her and youngest. All have different mums. He’s still with youngest mum. I think she goes to see the sisters more than him. He pays for activities for them but not her, and she is made to use her birthday/xmas money on things that I feel he should pay for at this point in time. (When she has a Saturday job when older then fine).

I am conflicted sometimes as I miss DD when she’s at her dads but I also really need the break too. She asks me not to mention anything to her dad but I don’t know how much longer I can listen to her tell me he does things that make her feel sad 🙈🙈 if anyone has any experience with a similar scenario please let me know x

Hi guys, lovely to see people using this thread! Nobody commented for a while, so I didn't check but will make a conscious effort to check more often.
Hope everyone has had a good Easter, I've not spoken to another adult in a week, just me and my LO. I'm starting to really feel the isolation now.
The sky is blue here today, so we are going to eat out after dinner. What's it like where you are? I seen Scotland have had snow, nothing like that here in N. Wales thankfully!

Hello @Flyingwithoutwingsxxxxx I’m still here ☺️ Boys went off on holiday yesterday with their dad. He’s really rubbing my nose in his new cash rich life (it won’t last, he’ll flit it all away and not pay the tax man as usual).. booked a villa in Spain for 10 nights - asked me if I wanted to go (erm no thanks)! My oldest son was reluctant to go but I talked him round. So here I am all alone. 😩 Keeping myself busy, decluttering the house a little and catching up on diy that’s been lurking for a while. Tempted to book a little break for myself but can’t decide where to go and not good at spending money on myself. The weather here today is beautiful, bright blue skies, washing is on the line and I’m off to pick up my click and collect shopping shortly! Like you I’ll have no adult conversation unless I get out the house and meet friends for lunch etc. I’m planning to go into the London office later in the week - just for a change of scenery and have some human company. I totally get it, it can be very isolating unless you make the effort to get out and interact with others. Enjoy yourselves this afternoon x

@therockingbird hello there, hope you're doing ok. It's not easy when they try to put on a fake lifestyle that you're expected to believe, is it? My ex is exactly the same. It's like they forgot we once lived with them!

Glad to hear it's sunny where you are, but I also understand you don't always want to have to go out and socialise! Sometimes it's nice to potter at home when it's like this, but having another adult to potter with would sometimes be nice.

Enjoy the rest of this (dare I say it!), sunny bank holiday. Have a lovely day.

Placemarking.
i am about to become a single mother and move out with my 2 year old.

Come back when your able @scoobysnaxx I walks out of my marriage when the boys were 8&10 wasn’t easy but we are much better off now! One tip from me.. journal. I found an online free app called Penzu. When I ready back to 3/4 years ago on this day I’m reminded how far I’ve come. It’s a very humbling way to keep ourselves in check when we feel overwhelmed. Best of luck x.

@scoobysnaxx It's not all doom and gloom. I'm in a much safer, healthier mindset than what I was with my ex. Change can be daunting but it is also sometimes 100% necessary and for the best.

We hold space here for you, as and when you may need it. Even if it's just to get it out. Wishing you well.

Hello I’m still here too x
Struggling with juggling half term, work and feeling like I’m on some sort of emotional rollercoaster (Depo injection is due in a couple of weeks so maybe that, maybe early peri symptoms who knows).

Nice and sunny here too, I’m in the Home Counties,
the sun definitely helps to lift my mood, just need to figure out how to get out of this funk I’m in x

Aww solidarity everyone. Been a single parebt since DS was a baby, he is nearly 17. Am really seeing the fruits of the years of slog. Still a few ups and down but it basically gets easier. We are very close. I managed to get on with ex for my son’s sake (mostly) and my DC actually said the other day how much he appreciated that and how he knew it couldn’t have been easy. I don’t need much contact with his dad now thankfully and I have my own time back.

Coming in with this positive comment to give everyone a bit of hope. It’s not easy but no one is stronger or more resourceful than a single parent 💪🏻

Hi all,
@Elfie23 I'm perimenopausal and it kicks my butt daily. Hormones are difficult to navigate when time for self care is short. Hope your mood continues to lift with each sunny day. That long winter is hopefully behind us now.

@Bufftailed comments such as that make all the hard work, tongue biting and dedication worth it! The proof is so often in the pudding and it sounds as though you've done everything just right. It's tough sometimes but the positive outcome makes it worth it.

I've forced my little one outside for a walk today, fresh air and blue sky is a tonic. I love being off work with them but I do miss routine also.

Hope everyone has a lovely day. Glad to see this thread is being used and what a lovely thread it's become. Thank you.

Solo parent here. For a long time now, to two teen DS.

Financially I'm just about staying afloat! I try to keep essential expenses low. The current global situation has me very worried though. I'm committed to becoming debt free.

Emotionally it can be draining, with some 'high' moments along the way. The day to day can at times be overwhelming. I do try to look for, and maintain, systems and routines to help lessen the stress of it all.

I've dated a couple times only, had a couple 'flings'. Utterly disappointing with hard lessons learned. I just really don't give a crap about dating anymore. I would like a LTR one day, I just can't see how it would work.

DS require more from me because I'm their only parent. I'm exhausted a lot of the time, but have started to rest more. That might be due to age/hormonal drop as well as accepting that I just can't any longer afford to allow burnout to happen.

@Koolaidchic I can relate to much of what you have said, as they're not dissimilar from my own circumstances.

I do remind myself that, whilst I love being a mother, being needed so much by my offspring is only a chapter in my story, and not the final one at that. One day, I'll have so much time on my hands that I won't quite know what to do with it. I'm sure I'll look back then and miss these days.

Hey everyone - what does everyone do to keep themselves amused when kids are at dads/out?

Last weekend DD was out a lot with friends and this weekend she’s at her dad’s. I’m seeing my sister Saturday evening but other than that I have nothing planned. Two of my friends are busy, I’ve text the other one but she’s on a late shift at work so might not hear from her for a while.

What would you do if everyone was busy? I don’t fancy another weekend of wandering about, give me your best ideas x

Hi I’m a single parent. Expat in swFrance. There are no baby groups or play centres here in rural France
it so hard to get up and go. We started growing seeds, toms, courgettes. Squash and I’m planting them in the parks, my garden and friends houses. My 2 year old loves it.
i don’t really know why.
I wanted to say hi

@Elfie23 sorry for the late response, I've been in hospital. Home and feeling more like myself now.

I usually try and get out of the house, if nothing else! A couple of weeks ago a local beauty salon had an offer on, facial for £20. I took that. I'm not a huge gym bunny, but will do a class, anything from body pump to yoga, just so I'm around other people if my friends are busy (quite often are!). I joined a book club a few months ago. Some are meeting up at a new wine bar this weekend coming, I'll have my little one but would definitely go if I didn't. I go to the cinema too when I'm child free, don't necessarily need anyone with you but still around people.

I suppose the main points are:
• Go somewhere that doesn't necessarily mean you need to be busy
• Possibly find a group setting you enjoy that gives you the option to keep interaction as low or as friendly as you find comfortable
• Look for somewhere to join in that offers you a shared interest
• Find an activity that you can do alone that still brings you joy and comfort

Hope some of these ideas help. Sorry again that they're late. It's been a at trying to manage a home and child from a hospital bed. I won't lie, I've felt really alone and scared this weekend.

@usernamemustnotcontainspecialcharacters I image parenting in the sun offers a wider variety of more outdoor activities. Perhaps there's a way of utilising that to an advantage, that could bring others together. My little one has always loved planting and nurturing, a lovely interest for them to have.

Hope you're all having a good start to the week. What's everyone up to this coming weekend?

I take myself off to the gym, I also swim and have a nice steam room session. Refreshing shower and then I feel brand new - it’s priceless! I’m also known to submerge myself into diy projects ☺️ the outs were away with their dad for Easter and I used it as an opportunity to get stuck into some painting in the house. I don’t really go out much but often meet up with friends for coffee / lunch for some adult conversation. @Flyingwithoutwingsxxxxx I hope you’re on the mend and making sure you get plenty of rest. Have a great Wednesday all xx

@therockingbird I wish I had your confidence when it comes to DIY! It's a task that makes me procrastinate terribly.
Sometimes so peace and quiet at home, being able to get stuff done without interruptions is the best thing we need.
Much better than I was thank you. Xx

Hope everyone's having a great week. The end is in sight now at last.

It feels wrong to be relieved that I am not the only one. I have two children, work full time and their father chose to move abroad leaving me alone. I have no family and rely on new friends and neighbours to help. I feel angry and trapped. I have little time for myself let alone dating. It is a lonely and depressing existence.

Also relieved. Three kids full-time, no support structure, full time job and then some. It is an unhappyn existence as much as I convince myself Im fortunate for the most part.

A strange conflict - I adore my kids, they are the light of my life, but if I'd known who my husband was when I had them I would not have chosen this path.

There's no shame in admitting anything from either post. Family life is not what many of us seen on tv, when growing up. Those unrealistic expectations were forced upon us. Just like Disney movies I suppose.

For many of us, family life is isolating, exhausting, meeting our own needs last or not at all, expensive, and lonely. The list goes on. Of course, we all love our children and could not imagine life without them, if you do think to yourself 'why did I do this', that's ok too! Life didn't go as we planned; it's not what we signed up to.

My son's dad works abroad, hasn't seen him since last year and he's not been in touch with him since either. For as hard as it is, I would rather be the one who sucks it all up, than be the person who abandoned their children. So yes, let us vent and empathise with one another, because we are deserving of it. I imagine it can be just as lonely at times for those who have husbands/wives that work extremely long hours, or travel for work.

Please make sure you do one good thing for yourself this week. I know it's hard, especially when you have your children full time or most of the time, but schedule in different points during the week where you have some 'me time.' Doesn't even have to cost anything!

Examples of this for me this week have been, Monday after work I left my son in after school club for an extra half hour, came home and had a brew in peace with a sneaky fruit and nut bar that I didn't have to share. Wednesday I put him to bed half hour earlier, ran a bath, lit some candles, had a lemon and lime in a posh glass (should probably not recommend glass in the bath haha), and put some music on with my earphone in. Tonight, the plan is to get home from work/school, do the homework/housework so I have free time over the weekend, make some picky bits for tea then watch a film while he has extra screen time as it's Friday.

Remember, if you don't fill your own cup, you have nothing to pour from.

That’s a lovely post @Flyingwithoutwingsxxxxx I try hard to remind myself often about the small wins I have. This weekend will be a slow one recuperating from a very fast paced week! Neither of the boys opted to go to dads this weekend and that’s absolutely fine with me. We have some tasks in the garden to do later today and local music festival tomorrow. Throw in a game of bowling and that’s our weekend done. ☺️ His loss - lives miles away and was never around when he was part of the family unit (worked overseas) so we’ve learned to do things our way at our pace without him. He’s been trying to get them to stay with him but being so far away makes that difficult! 150+ 3 hour round trip.. not ideal. I’m secretly delighted he’s so far away now! I’ve noticed as they get older they are less interested in anything he has to offer and support that. They are old enough to make their own minds up quite frankly and he has very little sway in that. Have a great weekend all xx