Pre-contact interview this week to start supervised visits at local contact centre

[YourAquaCruiser]

Paused contact last year due to relationship breakdown, DV within the relationship (emotional, coercion) and escalation post separation with threats of child abduction, and legal applications by the father when I didn't register him on the birth certificate.

After NMO proceedings and an undertaking enforced, dad litigated for months over contact arrangements rather than taking up the contact available to him.

He got arrested for assault this month. Third party reported it was another woman and the police carried out welfare checks on me and baby as the victim couldn't be found and they assumed it was me.

We're in the middle of family court. He has alleged the classic DV categories (she is controlling, she is mentally unstable, all DARVO) I am feeling confident in my evidence and my truth but not confident in court and still not feeling ultimately okay about him still trying to be in our lives even though he is taking zero accountability over his volatile behaviour and substance abuse and with the recent arrest, appears to be escalating, not progressing.

I am also talking with the police about pursuing arrest for coercive control alongside family court and I am scared/exhausted. Do something, and he will make my life a living hell, do nothing, and other women will keep getting hurt. Whether I like it or not, he is my baby's dad and will be in my life. I need words of encouragement. Anyone been through this and are out the other side? What does good even look like?

Any success stories? Anything I should be thinking about before putting myself through all this...

Reading your post I was so impressed that you are clear on his behaviour and strong with that opinion, it's amazing! Keep reminding yourself of what you have written here when you have those doubts.
It's exhausting, it's physically and emotionally draining. Please pursue with the police. You aren't just doing it for other women, you're doing it for your child too. Having that on record supports your child.
I didn't get the NMO, i was advised to, but I wanted him to be able to attend medical appointments for my children to.oeep them at least medically safe. However I wish I had got the NMO. I'm two years since the split and moving out, and nearly a year since family court ended. I am much better at putting in boundaries, and sticking to them. His behaviours also escalate/keep building and then die down again when another distraction appears. He is now emotionally abusing the kids, and trying to prove that is hard when they are so young and idolise their dad. But when they are with me, 80% of the time, they are happy, safe, loved and just their true selves. The family court names my ex as extremely emotionally abusive to me and discussing adult issues with the kids, doesn't follow medical advice in the CAO. But now I'm thinking we will be returning to court soon as his behaviour is ramping up again.
However, I recognise his patterns, I'm teaching my kids skills about trusting their gut, behaviours of healthy relationships, we read stories, we roleplay, they already know far more than I ever did. And 80% of the time they are safe.
The court recognised the high conflict, abusive nature of our relationship which limited his time, our inability to communicate effectively for the kids was also a factor. So your NMO and everything else majorly supports your child.
It gets better, things calm.down, you get into a pattern. Therapy helps you process and work through those feelings. And your child has you, fighting for them, so it isn't all bad!

OP - couldn’t log back in with my email for some reason…

Your journey sounds wild as well. It’s been so hard being so “cut throat” but he’s is the type to move in cycles too and I don’t want to be back in court a few years from now because I gave him an inch and the courts gave him a mile but it does feel like setting fire to everything and I worry for our future co/parallel relationship.

At least I’d rather do this whilst baby is too young to understand or remember.

The most recent repair cycle was terrifying because his behaviour was so obvious to me at that point but I was still worried that the covert nature would be missed by the court. In fact they enforced the undertaking stating the full NMO wasn’t necessary as there had been no “direct” threats of violence towards me. Of course they didn’t quite understand that having a man around that kept saying things like “I’d never hit a woman but…” is a passive but blatant threat and left my nervous system shot on the daily.

What shared care arrangements do you have and how quickly did you get there/adapt? We’re starting at safeguarding ground zero but he keeps saying he’s gunning for 5050 but baby is only 10months old (we split at 3weeks pp) so I am hoping it will be a slow process.