Hi anyone that reads this...and thank you by the way.
I am not sure what to do about my current partner. Been together for over 6 years, moved in after 6 months at the start of lockdown, bought a property and now have a wonderful 18month old son.
The issue is my partner is lying about his habbits: drinking and smoking. He has cans of beer in his car which he consumes after work in the car. He comes home with glazed eyes, smelling of alcohol and having sprayed his cologne to high heavens thinking I won't smell the alcohol. Previously I used to confront him, even tried breathalyser test and he would point blank lie to my face without flinching. Couple of times when washing up I have seen residue of beer which I showed him and he said he didn't know how that got there. It seems to me he drinks every day. He has a huge dependency and doesn't want to do anything about it.
I have tried speaking to him about it, baning alcohol in the home but then he started drinking in the car. When we have been on holidays away he would have a drink every single day saying we'll we're on holiday. I have joined him with the drink whilst on holiday. My mum has blamed me for that saying I should be a role model for him as he cannot help himself. I can go without weeks or months drinking so I'm okay but did notice the first couple of years with him I've had cravings of wine with a meal however this had shifted so I now have completely reined that in.
I have tried to take him to the local alcohol support service, GP and pushed counselling. When we got in for the appointment for the alcohol service he asked me to stay in the waiting room, because he knows I would tell the whole truth whereas he won't. He didn't go back since. He says he drinks due to past trauma and his mum passing 8 years ago. I personally think he uses any excuse to drink.
I have set up a tracker for his car because I don't believe he is always at work. Being self employed gardener. The tracker shows that most times he's driving around the area or parked up somewhere which I know he is drinking and on the phone. This makes me angry because there are so many jobs to do around the house including DIY which still not been completed since our move 2 years ago. I'm doing 70% of the chores and I feel like it's mostly on me. Plus we split all our bills 50/50. My mums beliefs are different about men thinking they should be the man of the house and financially support the family.
It's a shame because he is a wonderful person and a great dad to our boy just this huge issue with alcohol I cannot get past. And not only that the biggest hurtful thing for me is that he lies. Our relationship is built on a pack of lies. Plus when he picks our boy up from my mums or nursery a lot of the times he's had a drink so that's placing him at risk. My mum had recently said she will purchase a car seat for her car and drop baby off herself.
I'm not sure what I'm asking from anyone..
.because deep down I have made my mind up because he doesn't want to change. It's just I cannot leave right now as it's difficult looking after our son due to sleep deprivation. I work full time as well and not sure how drop offs pick ups going to work. I cannot bring myself to take the leap.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.