Contact arrangement dilemma

[dragonstitcher]

I don't know what to do. I keep getting H asking me when he can see the girls. D3 keeps asking me when she can see him.

I was all for an informal arrangement at first. I don't want to go down an official route. I would prefer a friendly, relaxed one, so that D3 would feel free to see him when she wanted. But with H texting me, emailing me and conveniently bumping into me whenever I go out, I'm starting to feel harrassed. He won't accept that I am definitly not going back for a start. He keeps giving me a sob story about how empty the house is without us. I'm starting to think that he is going to take advantage of a relaxed contact arrangement.

He does pull the heart strings. I worry about him all alone in the house but I don't need him bringing me down any more than I feel already. I'm not going back, that's definite, there's no way. But I'm worried that he is going to be able to manipulate me when it comes to seeing the kids and that he is going to control the whole contact thing. And if I stick to my guns, it's going to hurt D3 and she's going to resent me. I'm already having trouble getting the kids to bed.

So when have you arranged for him to see dd? He's asking, she's asking, you don't want to get back together, so sort out the contact and leave it at that...

Sort out a set arrangement and get legal advice. you don't have to act on it, he doesn't have to even know, but get legal advice so you know what the law is.
It is easier and kinder for everyone if the arrangement is (for instance) he has DC Monday afternoon and Saturday morning or whatever suits everyone. Also, given what you have said about his stalkerish behaviour, you need to deliver your DC to the house and go away for the agreed time - don't even go into the house, just drop on doorstep. Or arrange to meet and hand over DC in a public place. You need to minimise your contact with him while ensuring enough contact for DC with him. ALso, refuse (as politely as possible) to enter into any conversations that are not about DC (unless there are money/housing issues to sort out, but those should be dealt with via solicitor etc).