Not sure how this is going to work...

[charliecat]

I have completely fell out with XP now.(to the point where I got a caution for common assualt)

So to remove the possibility from that happening again my friend is having the kids at her house for pick up and I have told him to let them walk down the road themselves providng my car is outside, meaning I am at home.

This is for Tuesdays and Thursdays when he has them for a couple of hours after work.
Prior to this, for last six months he has had them at my house for the weekend and I have left the house leaving them to it, returning on Sunday evening and us all going to swimming lessons.

If anything came up on his weekend he wouldnt have them, anything, so its not like he has been to ever single swimming lesson they have ever had but it is routine...but theres no need for both of us to go.
Its my weekend this weekend. Meaning, he would turn up for swimming if he didnt have anything better to do.
I feel hes going to make an issue of this.
I dont know how to stop it.
Do I say you take them then? Or you take them your weekend i'll take them mine(which would be the sensible option but I dont think he gets sensible, What do I do if he insists on turning up? I do not ever want to get in a position where I might be tempted to twat him one- Dont rise to it is easier said than done.)

Also the reason he had them here is because his landlady has cancer, and though the kids germs are ok through the day He cant have them over night because of the germ thing.
He wants to have them saturday through the day, drop off with me at night, then sunday, drop off later.
I DO NOT want to do this.
If I havent got the kids I am not hanging round here waiting to baby sit them for the evening.
I am going to suggest he camps with them, AS HE HAS done with access to the beds here.
And then looks for a new place where he can have them.
Hassle Hassle Hassle.

Just a vent really. Anyone else dealt/dealing with similar?

I have yet to get the caution but I have been close, if that helps! It really sounds as though you need to draw a line under the the 'togetherness', for a while at least. If you had some clear boundaries, as in his weekend and your weekend exclusively (within reason) then you will all know where you stand. Also, there is less potential for any conflict if you really have the bare minimum to do with each other. Tbh, I also think he's is taking the mickey by sending the dc back for the evening on his weekend, and popping along to swimming etc if he hasn't got anything better to do... Maybe you can decide what will work for you (as you said, having the weekends where the dc are away to yourself - the germs at night thing makes no sense!!) and lay down some ground rules. Write them down if necessary... If things have got as far as a caution you really need to take control back again.

Yep, there is no need for us to have any contact at all if he does his tues thurs and every second weekend, and I do the swimming my week and he does it his week.
But if he insists on attending swimming. And wont have them overnight then there is room for aggrivation

Perhaps leave him to deal with the swimming lessons to avoid argument. You will look reasonable by giving him the chance to see them every week for this. You could have an hour to yourself while he does this on your weekend, but insist he has to do it every week maybe? If he can't commit to every week then you compromise that he does it his weekend only and you are the one who continues to look reasonable.

Regarding overnights, can he take them somewhere else. Are his parents within distance? What about a b&b until he sorts himself out with somewhere else to live? If he can't take them somewhere else what are you going to suggest until he can? That he only has them one day or not at all? What does that mean in terms of tme off for you and the children seeing their dad.

Make it clear he can't stay at your house any more but that you expect him to make alternative arrangements.

If there is conflict at handovers then simply don't see him. All handovers at your friend's, if he/she isn't there (and let's face it are they gonna stay in every evening over the weekend to accomodate) then he can't bring them back unless agreed before hand and she is there.

It's tough, but the children will suffer if this conflict continues. Better for you and your ex to have no contact but allow the children to spend time with their dad and do what needs to be done to make sure that happens while minimising the interaction between you.

Things will get better in time
Take care
Gilly

Look reasonable Oh yes she says sharpening her teeth.
I will suggest he does all the swimming himself(minimising seeing me) see what he says. He isnt about every weekend and the MOST sensible option is each person doing each weekend. But...
If hes not going to have them over night he can have them Saturday or Sunday.
There is no reason he cant get a b and b, he earns enough and spends loads of money on less important things but..we will see.
He doesnt want the peaceful life, he likes the reaction and the agro.
Will see how it goes.

your ex should take them swimming on his weekend and you take them on your weekend, if he turns up on your weekend just speak to him politely that its not his weekend and you don't want to confurse the children, although it sounds like even though its your weekend off you are still having them at night so you aren't really getting the weekend to yourself, your ex seems to be getting the better deal out of this, he needs to sort out proper accommodation.

Well talking to the kids today he has told them that he looking at flats today But then hes also told then hes getting on a plane to Amsterdam when hes actually been getting on a ferry to Ireland so its questionable.

BUT it means he knows what he SHOULD be doing, if nothing else.

Oh yes, I also got the kids to say Mummy said she will do swimming her weekend and you do it yours...and he said "Fair enough" which is great if he sticks to it.

Last night he had them out till 9.20 on a school night I text to say no later than 9pm please, as they have school in the morning.

He knows im powerless to do anything about it though.

But, on paper this is looking great.

Which can only be a good thing

Well as it fathers day and he wants to see them and was asking when that would be I said he could take them swimming. So hes got them 5 to just past 8 tonight.
I have also text with the arrangements for where the kids will be on tues/thurs next week.
He will have the kids overnight on his weekend, if its not raining He will take them camping.
Apparently, and I say apparently because he doesnt know what the truth looks like, he has 2 weeks to get out of the place hes been living, I am assuming that means he handed in his notice when I said No More having them here...but that apparently and me assuming.
If I text him he rings. I spoke to him this morning, and have ignored phone since as all arrangements were made.
I text to see if he would be feeding them in between swimming lessons and he rang, I ignored and he eventually text saying he would take them to Mcdonalds.
He sent a sarcastic text about him picking up the kids from my mums and dropping them off at mine meaning I could go and have a drink with my mate, as if where he picks up/drops off the kids has any bearing on that?
Just blogging here now lol

Well that all sounds positive and is a good start. Hopefully you'll be able to move forward quickly and get everything sorted so the children know where they will be with who and it'll be less confusing all round.

Not so bad as you thought it would be!

Its a year since we spilt up.
He is attempting to rent a flat about 10 doors, and 20 seconds away from me.
Hes shouting across the street about my male mates car being parked outside my house and I can envision him commenting on the kids light being on till late. Or why im not in/out.
Its gonna be like having my own stalker. He cant get in my house for updates on my life, so hes moving next door instead
Ugh.

charlie speak to a solicitor, if he starts to harras you then you can get an injunction out on him, he sounds like he is going to turn out quite creepy, he is going to make you feel on edge all the time.

He got the kids to buy 2 way walking talkies with a 2 mile radius....I think thats quiet disturbing actually

Ok really just blogging here. DD1 rang him to ask if he would take her to a music thing on his next, next weekend. He says hes got holidays from work and is not having the kids.
I had said, one week ago, he could have them for a week in august, providing, he turned up for all his tues/thurs/weekends leading up to him wanting them for a week in august. To show commitment, maybe get in the frigging habit of turning up and not keep arsing about.
Arsewipe.

If anyone is still reading...the kids have school tommorow and he still has them out.
They are 7 and 10. Its too fucking late.
Im really pissed off.

Quite agree. What time did he bring them back in the end?

9.40.
I didnt say anything. Im sure hes doing this as he wants me to react.
He doesnt want the nice easy pick up drop off scenario that I want, he wants drama, to piss me off.
I also now think that when he asked to have them for a week, he expected me to say no, causing an arguement....and when I said yes with the condition that he showed for his days..hes crapped himself and isnt sticking to his dates so that I say, No you cant have them.
Because he wanted an arguement on the doorstep, not the kids for a week. Twat.

Hes just rang me asking for a 250 quid loan
I said why he said something about flat falling through but some thing something I said where you moving to, he said name of my village. I said Im not helping you then. And he said Ok and put the phone down.
My head is busting.
Ive text and said I didnt have the money anyway and he wasnt seeing the kids anymore than he normally does. That wasnt dependant on where he was living.
Thats not unreasonable is it?

You shouldn't of asked him any questions about why he wanted the loan other than was it something related to the children. You should have just said no fullstop imo.

Previously you have stated that he likes to get into arguments and 'discussions' with you. Don't give him any reason too or to get that foot in the door so to speak.

Borrowing money from you will only cause problems when he doesn't pay it back or on time etc. It will also give him reasons for needing to talk to you and for you to have to talk to him about things other than the children.

Asking questions about why he wants the loan makes him think you are interested in him. He possibly only wanted to let you know he is planning to move to your village to upset/annoy you anyhow and so start further 'discussion'.

Only discuss things relevant to the children with him. Don't let him bate you.

You'll get better at standing up for yourself and the children in time

Stay strong
Gilly

Oh I know. I thought as he was asking a favour of me I could ask why he wanted the money.

My head is throbbing.

Looking at the date hes gets paid today