Kids choosing not to see other parent ..

[ElleC90]

Hi all. Bit of background quickly - I left ex hubby in 2019, we have 2 boys together age 9 and almost 15. Long story short, ex was drunk on NYD and 15 y/o said he thought he heard his dad slap his partner. (Ex hubby told me he didn't slap her, they were arguing and he punched the door - clown). Him & partner don't live together, dont have any kids & see each other Friday/Saturday nights, Saturday nights being when my kids are with him. Currently, he sees them 3 nights per week 3 weeks of the month and 2 nights the 4th week.

Due to the incident on NYD, my 15 y/o has said he doesn't want to go back to dad's. I fully support his decision, and don't think his dad will fight this either. My worry is my 9 y/o - I am assuming I can make this decision for him given the circumstances? I am devastated for them both at potentially not seeing their dad. As much as he was not a good partner to me, he is still their dad and the thought of them not having a relationship at all makes me sad for them. I don't think dad will fight either of these decisions & doesn't have the funds to take me to court.

Can you suggest a compromise, that they meet for supper on Friday or Saturday evening, in a public place, but then come home to sleep at yours?

That might maintain the relationship, but be more comfortable for your dcs.

I hope you have this documented- as in a text response from ex saying he was punching the door? Just want you to cover yourself. I wouldn't want the kids around that. If not then maybe document this writing down what the kids have said and felt about it, what yiur ex said. Just incase it comes to court.
I would talk to the kids about a day visit, or a public place situation (dinner as PP said) and sleeping at yours 100% of the time.
My issue would be my 9 year old being on their own there with that behaviour going on. I understand that!
If this is pattern of behaviour then I wouldn't be encouraging contact. But a one off thing with the kids sharing they don't like it- that is great they shared it with you and understand it isn't acceptable!

This is still domestic violence. Whether he punched the door or not, the insinuation was that he could have punched his partner. I wouldn’t want my kids around this either from a safeguarding perspective.