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How to deal with parents of ex

9 replies

sara44448 · 03/01/2026 22:45

Ex is a compulsive lying drug user. DD is one year old. Ex has never had DD unsupervised, just visited at my house. recently he stopped turning up to visits, lost his job and along with some other suspicious behaviour i suspected drug use again and has now disappeared for weeks since i asked him to do a drug test. This was his last chance so he wont be seeing DD again now unless he takes me to court as ive been dealing with his unstable behaviour, repeated drug use and lies since before she was born and hes obviously not going to change any time soon.

Ive recently been contacted by his parents. They live 4 hours away so only see DD every 3 months or so. They were wondering why hes stopped sending them photos of her but apparently he refused to tell them what was going on. Ive told them the situation and sent them some photos but im not sure what to do going forward. They will definitely be sending all the photos to ex and telling him everything i say and in the past his mother kept making comments all the time that i should let him take her unsupervised, i had actually stopped talking to her because i got sick of it. They are very enabling to him. Theyre also jehovas witnesses and tend to preach a lot which is annoying. I feel kindof bad though to totally cut them off

OP posts:
SBGM247 · 03/01/2026 23:04

sara44448 · 03/01/2026 22:45

Ex is a compulsive lying drug user. DD is one year old. Ex has never had DD unsupervised, just visited at my house. recently he stopped turning up to visits, lost his job and along with some other suspicious behaviour i suspected drug use again and has now disappeared for weeks since i asked him to do a drug test. This was his last chance so he wont be seeing DD again now unless he takes me to court as ive been dealing with his unstable behaviour, repeated drug use and lies since before she was born and hes obviously not going to change any time soon.

Ive recently been contacted by his parents. They live 4 hours away so only see DD every 3 months or so. They were wondering why hes stopped sending them photos of her but apparently he refused to tell them what was going on. Ive told them the situation and sent them some photos but im not sure what to do going forward. They will definitely be sending all the photos to ex and telling him everything i say and in the past his mother kept making comments all the time that i should let him take her unsupervised, i had actually stopped talking to her because i got sick of it. They are very enabling to him. Theyre also jehovas witnesses and tend to preach a lot which is annoying. I feel kindof bad though to totally cut them off

Sometimes it's inevitable.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/01/2026 23:14

I think once a month you could email ex and his parents a little update and a couple of photos, eg baby now has two teeth and enjoys swimming lessons etc.

user789543678885432111 · 03/01/2026 23:31

IMHO, you would be doing your dd a massive favour, if you keep her as far away as you can from all of them.

sesquipedalian · 03/01/2026 23:48

OP, your Ex sounds positively toxic, and if your in-laws are going to pass on photos and are so deluded about their son’s nature that they consider him responsible enough to have your DD unsupervised, then they are not grandparents that you want in your DD’s life. Perhaps just send a photo now and again if you feel they have a right to see their DGD, but be careful - they might see that as an “invitation” to come and see you, or become more involved with your DD than you want. In all probability, you will move on and meet someone else. Do you want to keep these people in your life? Do you feel that they have been good grandparents to your DD? Would you ever be prepared to let your DD stay with them? You need to think about what sort of relationship you want to have with them, and you want them to have with your DD, and act accordingly.

Jinglehop · 03/01/2026 23:59

Unfortunately your ex’s parents will always believe him over you and will enable his behaviour. If they believe he is responsible enough to have unsupervised contact then you have to treat them as not responsible enough for unsupervised contact. You’re also not responsible for grandchild updates; your ex is. If he’s not doing it, you’re under no obligation. Don’t feel bad about it, honestly it’s a wonderful relief to let go of ex in laws that you don’t like. Send a Christmas card and photo once a year if you really feel the need to stay in touch.

makeachange25 · 04/01/2026 18:06

If they are going to twist things against you and send it into their son I'd be very careful about what you send on. Really he is responsible for updating his side of the family. If he's a deadbeat and they were pressuring you for unsupervised contact rather than helping I'd distance myself from them. If they were stepping up and helping that'd be a different story.
Make sure to document his absences so you have a record for the future in case you need to refer back to it.

sara44448 · 11/01/2026 21:29

Well i spoke to his dad earlier today and i said it looks like this drug test isnt going to happen, and he said yes ex is going to do it soon but wants to wait to make sure it will be negative as he last did drugs a few weeks ago! He had made out to me hes been clean for the last 7 months. So his parents know hes been taking drugs again and that he was planning to just cheat the test by stalling and having some time off (then no doubt going straight back on drugs after) and they think thats completely fine for some reason. His dad even said "hes a lovely man". Laughable! Ive blocked them all now

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 11/01/2026 21:37

Keep them blocked

TickingKey46 · 17/01/2026 17:37

My children dont see their father (no contact order) similar reasons to you. But his family do see them. This took years in the making I also know his family before he started taking drugs etc.
In your situation I wouldn't allow them to see the child, they dont appear aware of the dangers and i suspect they won't put your child above the needs of their own child.
I have rules in place and these rules are respected.
Don't feel bad about them not seeing the child. The child 100% has to come first

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