Dating advice

[SimonSaysJump]

How do you date if you have your children full time? With NO help from family or ex People have told me it’s possible but I just genuinely can’t see how? Can people explain it to me that are in this situation how you actually make it work? I won’t be introducing anyone early to my children or having them over when my kids are in bed so that’s not an option for me (I don’t judge anyone that does this it’s just not something I want to do) im ready to put myself back out there having been single for 10 years and celibate for that time im only 37 so feel too young to be living like this 😩😂 Yes I know kids come first which is why I’ve waited so long, but I’m a person too! Only if you are in this situation please can you explain how you make it work?

I waited. It sucked and often I think I waited too long, but I didn’t have any other option as I didn’t want to bring a man around while she was too young and I also didn’t want to have a complete stranger babysit (I didn’t have any local ties so wouldn’t be able to have a recommendation or a friend etc).

I’ve waited mine are a bit older now (young teens) but still rarely have any time when they are not in the house 🤔 don’t blame to wait till they are 18 though

I don't think dating IS an option if you've got kids but haven't got anyone to babysit them.

I suppose you could date when they are in school but obviously you can only ever do lunch dates and most people are at work then anyway. And if they are not at work, are they a good dating prospect?

if they are young teens can't they just be left home alone?

Ive made my peace that unless i make reliable trustworthy mum friends to babysit i will be single until he is 16 at earliest

They are young teens so personally I wouldn’t go out in the evenings on dates living them alone? Maybe im being over protective with that though?

Is anyone actually in this situation and how do you make it work?

if they are teens you can go out early evening on dates , or even Saturday afternoon, unless there’s Sen involved.

School hours dating. Coffees and beach walks, Etc. as first dates. Bonus is it's cheaper financially and time wise!

Then can you set up a sleepover or 2 at their friends house for an evening date?

Its a very unpopular opinion on here, but by about date 4 or 5 you'll have to bite the bullet and have them over while kids in bed. Don't really see any other options except to continually pay for babysitters, and that would get expensive fast!

They are 11 and 13 i feel that’s too young to leave alone in the evenings? I feel that may be a bit irresponsible? There’s nothing local to me so would have to travel quite far to go on dates anywhere decent?

I was leaving mine by 13&15 though in my case I was working, my now exh didn’t lave me until they were a bit older. BTW my DD’s found it hilarious when I did started dating, took great delight in setting up a profile and swiping for me, dc do like to know what happening by the time they are teens, and they won’t be shocked. I’m not saying introduce them, just tell them you are dating so if you do make a good connection they won’t be shocked

I think a few people do it by having the “dates” at home after children have gone to bed. You can have a nice meal, watch a film, listen to music, chat over a glass of wine, etc. Then if the other person wants nights out-out, they do that with mates.

if you have any time in the day, you can meet up then. You would be surprised how many men are free in the day eg shift work or unemployed (yes I met plenty like that.) I did go out with a man for a year who worked four days on and four days off and I was part-time.

Otherwise it’s pretty impossible!

Most men want to see you in the evenings and on weekends. That’s normal.

You can invite them around in the evening but it’s not ideal for the reasons you say. Also it’s not really what most men are up for. Usually it’s a shag pretty early on.

It’s worth a try but I gave up tbh.

Im not looking to date an unemployed man 🫣

I found several men were unemployed but didn’t call it that! They were vague about what they were doing eg waiting for references or between jobs but after a while I realised that they were always at the gym or at home and not working at all.

Or "self-employed" lol.

Oh dear, as awful as it sounds I really don’t fancy dating an unemployed man

When I met my ex I had my ds 50/50 but
by the time we split up I had him much more.
now i’m single again I don’t even think I’d be able to find someone even with having eow free , also there’s talk of his dad moving abroad so I’ll have him pretty much 100% if that happens.
Ive unhappily resigned myself to being single for the foreseeable but that might be partly due to not wanting to try again after so much bullshit in previous relationships .

Im ready to get back out there. I deserve some happiness again I think.

Not everyone who is available during the day will be unemployed or self employed but they could be shift workers, remote workers who do flexible time. Are you free during the day? Is there a group.you.could join in day meet ppl IRL from my experience online dating is a minefield even more now and narcissists and abusive men can hide well behind a profile so just be savvy

no I would be working from home during the day but could maybe get a few hours free. I’d prefer to use online dating than join any groups.

Now more people are wfh or hybrid, it's easier to meet during school hours

It isn't easy even if you do date, my marriage ended in 2018. By 2020 I had a year relationship with a lovely man, who never met my children as I was working part time until 1, and he was a postman. He finished early and we used to go on dates, or sneak off to each others for passion, Yet it never lasted. Then I met my ex 3 months later, who I was with for 3 years, He did move in with me, and my kids loved him. Then he got depressed and left me and it broke me and my kids.

Its been 2 years since and he text me recently asked to meet ( I replied to him yet I never met him) and said he missed, me, yet really two years later is too late for me to go backwards, as much as my heart is still attached to him. Hes not even single so I felt he reached out wanting to monkey branch back into my life, which won't be happening as I won't be hurt or let down again.

My children are now 15 and 13. I really am not going to invest in someone else, I have had enough of heartbreak and the pain of getting over someone when it doesn't work. I am closed off to love now, and everyone says your attractive and are a great catch, I don't doubt my worth. I just don't want to be with anyone right now and even if someone lovely came along, I would say no. As I just want to be on my own and I know I do still love the man who left me when he was struggling and he really was someone I did honestly think I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Babysitter?