Don't know if I should put it here or in relationships, but it seems my new DP's ex is having problems moving on

[Pinkchampagne]

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it is a little.

My DP has been separated from his ex wife for over 2 years now, and we have been together 10 months. I love him to pieces - he is the best thing that has happened to me, but it seems his ex wife isn't over him at all.

A month or so ago on what would have been their anniversary, he got a text (I was sat next to him as we were on our way back from France) saying "I am feeling a bit sentimental, how about we meet for lunch some time?"
He text straight back & said he didn't think it was appropriate as he was with me now, and she left it at that.

It has been way over 2 years since they separated & he phoned her about what they were going to do with the house (they have a house they are renting, which will be hers once the divorce is sorted), and she asked questions about how serious he was with me, then went on to say how she still has feelings for him & wishes she had spoken to him a year back. She then got all emotional & they couldn't discuss the house etc.

My DP tells me she can't threaten our relationship at all etc, but I can't help but feel very uncomfortable about it all.
Am I being silly here?

How is dear old exH these days? and your parents??

((((((((((((((((((((pc)))))))))))))))))))))) sorry i haven't got time on library pc to post more sweetheart xxxx

Is there a way of finding some reassurance in the fact that both you and your new DP have nightmare Klingon XPs? Because it's something to bond over, isn't it - each of you will have a good understanding of the other's position.

Ex H seems to be accepting my new relationship, but he knows he still has the upper hand with my parents.
Someone who lives a few doors from them, commented on how frequently she sees ex H at my parents house, and how she never sees me there. She said it is like he is their son & I'm the ex daughter in law!

My mum seems a little better in that she has stopped trying to invite ex H & myself round to dinner etc, and will sometimes take the boys so that I can go out with my DP.
Dad on the other hand hasn't moved on at all.
Not only will he not meet new man, but he doesn't even want to hear of his existence. He is also still very friendly with ex H, and they often go out for a drink together etc.
Can't see anything changing there either.

You have a point there, madamex! He may not be begging me back, but he is clinging on in other ways...especially where my family are concerned!!

Honestly PC your dad is a case!

I would put my foot down though!

I just tend to visit less, GF. You just don't get anywhere with dad, and I can do without getting upset.
Father's day tomorrow though, so I will have to drop round at some point. Lets hope he doesn't go off & add ex H's name to the card again this year!

Perhaps you should omit giving him a card this year and, when he asks why, say that you fully expected him to get one from exH as he treats him more as his child than he does you.

Well I went round to see dad yesterday & give him his card & present, and guess who else turned up?

Madamez - you are so right - we do both have nightmare ex's, and I think mine may actually cause more problems in the long run!

good grief pc. could you get an anti-harrassment order or would he just ignore it? fm xx

I obviously don't know the people involved, but certainly in my case, although I didn't want to get back together with my exH, I did spend some time "grieving" for the future, if that makes sense. Neither of us wanted a future together so it wasn't about trying to move backwards in any way, but disappointment and a need to understand how we came to be divorced. It could be that your partners ex is experiencing something like this - particularly after a long relationship.

Ex-wives often (imo) have a hard time of it. Financial issues, often juggling work, children, money and emotions. Its kind of harder to move on because there isn't time!! (I also appreciate some ex-wives are a nightmare!!).

Good luck!!

She doesn't have children, but has a high powered job, and before they separated she would be working away Mon to Fri, just coming home at weekends, so may not have had time to sit back & look at how bad things had got - I do understand that.

She has since spoken to him again without the emotions & heavy talk, and has said she would like to hang onto the house. She also apparently apologised for how she was last time they spoke.

FM - not sure he is harrassing me as such - it is just this intense relationship he has with my parents, and I can't see much changing there.
I don't visit my parents much at all these days, but had to go round for father's day, and he decided to visit too!

God, i thought this post was about me at first!! Was shitting myself!!

But later on i read that she doesnt have kids, so it cant be me! (pheww)

Lol, AGBU! No, you can relax, it's certainly not you!