Terrified of cafcass and court

[wannabemum38]

I have heard so many negative things about cafcass and now im dealing with them I dont trust them and dont know what to believe anymore.
My DH has applied for a CAO he wants lives with order, spend time with order, and prohibited steps orders to stop me moving out of area, changing our sons name and going on holiday.
Cafcass said what they were going to recommend but I have heard nothing from court since the first gatekeeping hearing. A section 7 is being done and im terrified.
Any advice on how to handle the section 7 interview?

What i would say is all this is normal run of the mill family courts stuff, so while your worried try to take a deep breath.
As long as your honest and come from a child focused place, you will be fine.
How old is the child? If there are no safeguarding conserns why would he want to stop you going on holiday? Also what's the reason foe changing the child's name?

DS is 2
There is no Safeguarding concerns on my side. Its all control from him he has history of DV against me and an ex so im the one who has Safeguarding concerns lol have a non molestation in place at the moment.
Ive not even brought up changing name with him so again its just a control thing
He is using our son as a pawn. Wont agree to a financial order unless conditions are met ie I grant him contact and give him tenancy solicitor is appaled by his behavior

What i would say is try to think of what you want out of it all! If hes taking you to court, sounds as if it's going to happen anyway. So try to invidage the best substanable, less stressful on going out come. Considering hes only two, there will be significant changes in the child's early life, eg starting school. So how are you going to try and get an order that best suits their changing needs?
It is stressful going through the family course and you do hear so much negativity. But it's not all bad, I've had really bad experiences and really good! The out come for my children have been really positive.
Ive also had a non molestation order so know some of what your talking about, dont let the negative talk sbout the family courts over cloud things.

Thanks. Its just all ao stressful for us both. Having the threat of losing my home cos he wants it plus taking me to court when i tried to sort this out via mediation but he had no interest in doing it that way walked out of meeting halfway through and who has suffered..his son cos hasnt seen him since June had no cards for his birthday or xmas. Not putting him first at all.

Have you looked into what a section 7 is? It should give you advise on what it intels etc. I know its the standard welfare check, but we're had so many different sections done i can't remember one from another!!!
Have you declined contsct due to domestic abuse?

Yes i know roughly what it entails checks and what not. They didnt bother with a fact finding hearing as his criminal record speaks for itself.
I haven't declined contact I tried to sort it out via a parenting app he abused that so went to mediation he didn't participate fully and had already applied for court order before he even attempted mediation which I didn't think was allowed.
The non molestation order means we have zero contact with each other so arranging any kind of contact is difficult I tried o arrange supervised visits at contact centre which judge had said was only realistic solution at this time so I dont have to see him or anything. I worry for our sons safety and his ability to look after him but my DH wont do supervised contact. I dont even know where he lives is keeping his address a secret. Claimed he was homeless for months even lying to court about it.

Police record.
Non molestation order in place.
Refused to go to contact centre to see son despite being offered.
Looks good for you! Every time he does something just remember it helps your case- I say this as it would always make me worry, stress, shake, heart beat fast. I am hoping you get the outcome you want and deserve.
Whole court system is a terrifying situation. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and my ex now threatens me with returning regularly. Just try to remind yourself that everything you are doing is for your beautiful child, and you are an amazing mum for putting yourself through it all to keep him safe. Give him an extra hug and kiss every time you doubt yourself. Retraining your brain after that relationship will take time, I still don't 100% trust my instincts, but 2 years on and it was all worth it. And you have much more evidence/things on your side, so stand your ground and keep going. You can do it.

Is there no fact finding because the court has established harm took place? And have they established that the harm was also to the child? If so Cafcass have to see in the s7 process if pd12j applies, this includes being certain that the child’s safety can be secured before during and after contact. They also need to be assured that you are not enduring ongoing abuse from him. Try to trust the evidence - criminal proceedings and the non mol are strong evidence. Tell Cafcass everything including him trying to leverage financial control as a weapon in child arrangements.
I have recently been through a s7 and found it really effective. They listened to my children, they listened to me. I would say be as open and honest as you can - give them everything, show you are child centred, show you are prioritising your child and putting their emotions and physical wellbeing above everything. I wish you so much luck with it, it’s a brutal scary and isolating time. You will get through it. Take it one step at a time.

Thank you for your replies. Ita so scary and I never wanted court as its dragging it out which means even longer for contact between them. As much as I cant be around him as he is toxic I always said I wouldn't stop contact but he is still trying to control me and through our son too is appalling.
The criminal record was a conviction of harassment and stalking against me 5 years ago like an idiot I thought he had changed and married him and we had our son. But the financial abuse started and emotional abuse. Police didnt have enough to charge him this time but arrested him for coercive control he threatens to kill himself when doesnt get his own way. He retaliates when things dont go his way broke into our house after he had moved out and I was away, tried to kick door in and was arrested but not charged when he got the hearing papers for non molestation. Every order he got previously was breached which is what cafcass were concerned about he may breach a CAO. Any contact with him stressed me out when he decided last minute to contest an occupation order so I get sole tenancy as u know his son needs a safe home I ended up being admitted to hospital with chest pains and now under a cardiologist all brought on by stress.
Ive been advised to pack my bags and flee as the threat of him still exists but it would mean uprooting our sons life and me leaving my job and being further away from my family. Also means contact would be harder for him as I wont be housed nearby. I have put that on hold for his benefit yet im the one in wrong and being accused of alienation and stopping him from seeing child. I have been advised by not just one DA agency but a few and police so they aren't going to do if they arent concerned about him are they.
Luckily divorce at least is happening!

You put moving on hold for him? Really! I would be very careful if a lot of agencies are recommending you flee and you decide not to! Esp if your doing it for him, you dont want to look as if your not protecting your child. Which needs to be the top priority.
Tbh it sounds as if your still under his spell, I get that ive been there to. But I very quickly learnt that I had go step up to protect my our children.

I just mean so he cant accuse me of parent alienation not that I dont want to move but if I lose my job how can i provide for my child? He has also filed for a prohibited steps order to stop me from leaving area so what if he is successful id have to move back again its so complicated.
I also cant rent privately as too expensive and I only work part time and the council won't help me as still on jont tenancy.
The agencies make it sound so easy just pack a bag and we will put you up in temporary accommodation but will be miles away from everything and have to uproot our sons life and leave me even more isolated than I am
It makes me so angry that victims have to change their whole lives when the abusers get to do what they like.

Do you have an IDVA and if so what are they advising you to do about housing? Is there a multi agency support plan in place ?

Dont have an idva but had multiple agencies been liasing with and have a phonecall on monday to decide if I need to be put up in temporary accommodation. Also have a council possibly willing to find me somewhere if I claim homelessness.

We didn't have a fact finding for similar reasons but the judge used it against me constantly - saying nothing was ever found in this court therefore contact shall continue. Is it too late to get one?

Be careful to keep conversations with Cafcass completely factual and just about plans for the child. Mine would say things like "come on tell me what it was really like, I believe you" then go to court and say I haven't forgiven him and I'm not ready to move on and coparent because I'm still talking about the abuse.

Sorry to give you more negative points but hopefully this might help!

It wasn't recommended so im not sure if they can now not that I have even heard what outcome of gatekeeping hearing was anyway just had a text from cafcass introducing who will be my family court adviser.
The conviction is against me as well as recent arrests and a recent non molestation order by family court so they cant argue that they dont see him as a worry or that abuse is ongoing.
Its all about our son always has been for me. My statements have always been factual and non emotional. He cant even be bothered to submit his statements to court when asked. Thats how much he actually cares. He is what I call a fun time dad, disney dad. Wanted to be a dad but not a parent.

My children had a cafcass guardian (not an officer, which is standard) she was fantastic really understood what was going on. Took quite some time getting to no the children and the family dynamics. If your case is complicated and the risk to the child is seen as potentially high, the courts might ask for one. For me this was a massive positive.

Would they do that wirh a child as young as 2 its not like he can speak for himself. I try and show him photos of daddy and talk about him as much as I can do without getting upset but he isn't interested just looks confused at who he is so I have no idea how he wjll react when he sees him again.
I know deep down in my heart foe my DS safety and mine we should move and potentially be housed in temporary but i see so many conflicting reports that family courts and cafcass can penalise you for that and accuse you of taking child away and trying to sever contact. Its so hard to know what to believe and trust I dont trust anyone at moment I just want to be safe and happy.
My DH tries to intimidate even if police wont do anything about it take xmas we went to a tractor parade which we went too last year as a family and so he knew I would take DA this year. It goes through all our town and at the end of the road where I live currently with DS. Where does he come and stand but at end of the road where we live. WHY?! He could and should have stood somewhere else as I feel like he is trying to ambush so he can see his kid. He did disappear as he saw my parents and I wasn't alone but I find it frightening and intimidating.
He did same thing last year a few times on my route to nursery same time and place knowing I walk that way and have no other route to go. I reported it to police but I said to them he will just say i can sit anywhere I like only banned from going to house. He was arrested warned off and not charged but Im told to.report everything. Its exhausting.

Do some research into it. My children had a cafcass guardian 16.4. After many many prior court appearances my solicitor said she hoped the judge ordered one (and not just a cafcas officer) that they would have more time to dig into what was really going on and listen to the children.
What I would say is that I think I was taken more seriously by the family courts, etc, etc. When I provided hard troughs, rather than fear or speculation. Eg I was terrified he would do something to the kids, and his sister much later on voiced the same consern. But in the eyes of the court thats not enough, so when I was able to produce evidence, it really changed things. I changed my mind set and managed to see every terrifying situation as potential evidence. I never and would never set him up to fail but when it happened I made sure I had the evidence. Rg I had a camera on my front door, communicate was always done in the written form, I kept a diary etc etc.

The amount of evidence I had for his abuse and coercive control and yet police said it didnt meet threshold for charging with the CPS.
Cafcass said these situations turn fatal sometimes which I Know but he hasn't abused our child and has stayed away from house since June (i also have ring doorbell had security round referred by police to change locks and do a sweep of what can be changed)
I even said to police perhaps you will do something when he kills me. I am frightened he has mentality of if I cant have her and/or my child noone can but its only how I feel and have been through no evidence of that.
As I said a guardian cant listen to my child he is too young so its all based on whats happening to me and effect that has on him but from what ive read they dont care that much a father has right to contact etc

From what I have read about guardians i would need court to approve that so I could probably bring it up in section 7 interview that its something to recommend to be done

There were no criminal charges against him as I had the same issues with the police.
But the same behaviour was still used against him at a fact finding hearing and was the bases to the civil no contact order thats in place. I think that's the difference between criminal law, public law and civil law (think thats what its all called) social services were very poor (should have made a complaint) but I was exhausted.! But the civil no contact order that I have and was supported by the guardian, judge etc. Meaning that all the findings were seen as fact in the fact finding and there for a no contact order was granted. So not enough evidence for criminal conviction or even public law (social services) but still came out with an order that protects the children.
Yes a guardian is appointed by a judge. I dont think the age of a child is relevant though, as at that age thry still need protection.

Sorry you had to go through that its so hard isnt it
. Its such a minefield and even way back when he was convicted of harassment (it even made local papers) I was told to move and I was stubborn and said no but it was only me then its a different ball game when child is involved
My solicitor has alluded to fact that he could end up with no contact for a while at least and ordered to go to courses (he wont go) so has shot himself in foot by taking me to court as ive always been wanting to do it amicably without court involvement and do mediation. But he is a controlling narcissist and wants to still control me but via our son. I know as I know him child arrangements will be ignored or he will use communication to abuse me and use our son as a pawn as he is already.
Tbh our son is better off without him he isn't a stable or good father even when we were married never did much to parent or help out. But I have to be seen to be willing to encourage contact

Finally got the report back and yes no fact finding assessment DA has been established and they have said it will have relevance to what court decides according to pd12 thing

Is it usual for a section 7 to investigate gambling issues? They have noted that they are looking into any concerns around my ExH gambling and impact that will have on our DS? I never said he had an issue with gambling but beginning to think that's where his money goes!

Finally had section 7 report which is damning for him but my solicitors said he will more than likely not agree with it and contest so have to go to final hearing.
Im so exhausted by court and he just uses every hearing to contest and manipulate me. He doesn't submit documents when asked and gets away with it, he didn't provide his GP letter for section 7 they can't make him apparently but its to do with mental health so what's he hiding. Can't be bothered to pay for it yet swans off on an expensive all inclusive holiday. Can't do final.order for divorce as he wont submit his financials. It's just never ending.

@wannabemum38 keep going mate. You can do this. What is the recommendation on the s7?

mine was utterly damning for my ex - no form of contact, direct or indirect, could be made safe; children rejected him utterly; social worker stated that the legal proceedings themselves were a form of continued DV against me. It took a couple of weeks but he did concede and I got a no contact order and th final hearing did not happen. Will your side be asking him to concede and to accept the recommendation?

I know it feels endless, but all of it will end. This is another step in that direction - you are closer today than you were yesterday. Keep going 💪