Was so excited… now I’m full of worry

[Rache8]

Hi everyone,

I’ve recently booked flights to a long-haul destination for spring next year. The flights were quite cheap, and I’ll be off work while DD will be on school half term too, so I thought it would be the best time to go. I’ve also reserved hotels, although I haven’t paid for them yet. DD will be turning 8 while we’re on holiday so I thought this is the perfect time to go.

I’ve taken DD on holidays abroad many times since she was 3, and we’ve always had a fab time. I’ve always booked package holidays with TUI or Jet2, but this time I booked the flights and hotel separately. We were both extremely excited, and I put together an itinerary with activities for her to enjoy.

Today, unfortunately, we received the news that my mum's neighbour, who was 19, passed away in a motorbike accident while on holiday. After hearing this, my mum said that she worries every time I travel with DD and that if something were to happen to me, DD wouldn’t know what to do. She also said that I should wait she's a teenager before travelling again.

I'm feeling so anxious and nervous after hearing these words from my mum and feel like I made the wrong decision and should cancel the trip. The excitement for our dream holiday hasn’t gone, but it’s now mixed with a lot of worry. I’ve spent the last few hours watching vlogs and reading posts from single parents who travel with their children, even though I’ve done this myself for years and we’ve always been fine. I just can’t seem to get these thoughts out of my head.

I guess I need some reassurance...

Are you going to be riding a motorbike?

Ignore your mum!
Are you going to take uour daughter on a motorbike? Of course not!

You can't spend your whole life worrying about the what ifs.

Anything could happen more likely at home, or you could become very unwell

Don’t worry! I mean like all things with small children it’s always best to check with them they that might roughly know what to do if anything happens - go to someone in uniform etc - but it will be fine!

Please don't worry because of your mum's comments. Anything can happen any time.

Please go and enjoy your holiday!

Anything can happen anywhere in the world u could go to work tomorrow and get hit by a bus enjoy your life making amazing memories with your child its an amazing experience dobt let anyone ruin your confidence, enjoy your holiday when it comes around and stop worrying, you cant go through life wondering what if x

Thank you. No, I won’t be riding a motorbike, we’ll just use public transport, as I feel that’s the safest when abroad. I’m just now scared that if I fall ill or have an accident, DD would be stranded hours away from home and wouldn’t know what to do. I’m imagining literally the worst possible scenarios ever! I really regret speaking to my mum now.

Even if she went with both parents there is always a chance that something might happen. You can't live your life worrying about what could be. You aren't doing anything risky while on holiday with her and you are just as likely to get ill over here and she would have to cope. Go and enjoy your holiday guild free. Travel is so confidence building and educational for them.

in the very unlikely event someth8ng would happen if your in hotels hotel managers and staff would help as would the British embassy. Tbh I avoid tui style holidays and 8 is a good age for travel and also learning how to use yor phone to call your mum or an emergency number

Honestly you will be fine you just have intrusive thoughts because of what your mum said it will play in your mind abit but you will have the best experience and get excited about it and not worry x

Teach DD how to use your phone when you’re away, teach her the relevant emergency services number and tell her to ring them if you’re ever hurt or unable to call yourself. At 8 she will be able to do this and it will help put your mind at rest.

Worrying over hypothetical situations is pointless, go and have a wonderful holiday with your DD.

If you live life with the fear that something awful is going to happen, you'd never do anything or go anywhere.
I'm a single parent and like you I travelled a lot with my kids from when they were very young. I'm so glad I did because by the time my youngest was 16, I'd had massive surgery for cancer and find travelling difficult now. Enjoy travelling with your DD - don't put it off because of fear.

Your DM was wrong to say that to you OP. Sadly bad things can happen anytime, but we can’t live like that. Go on your holiday and have a wonderful time with DD, it’s great for her to see you as a role model taking everything in your stride. Have a fantastic time!

How about doing a bit of role play with your DD before you go ? List of emergency contacts and insurance details in a colourful envelope that your DD could give to reception in an emergency ? You could add photo copies of your passport,medication lists and anything else that may be important if you were incapacitated....You'll have a fantastic adventure and wont need it but it may give you peace of mind .

Just pack the relevant information and keep it on both of you at all times. More likely than not you’ll be absolutely fine.

When I travelled with DD and she was still too young I had a list of relevant contacts, allergies etc and had a copy in each bag + luggage. We also had an agreement on how to proceed if we ever got separated accidentally (ie on a train station).

I can’t remember if I did this with DD (probably not as I didn’t have relevant funds) but my mother always made sure we knew all her PIN codes for her cards.

Your mum’s anxiety is threatening to stop you and your daughter having a great time. Stop spiralling and don’t pass on this restrictive anxiety. Enjoy your hols.

If it came to it, social services in the country would step in and take care of your daughter until she could be passed into the care of a relative, same as here.

You will be fine, that's your mum's anxiety talking, don't let it stop you having a great time.

If something happened then the adults around - the hotel, or police or similar would contact the British embassy. Your child would not be left to cope alone.

there are procedures that emergency services follow for this kind of thing,

Op, most decent hotels and all ABTA travel agents have established processes for looking after suddenly-unaccompanied children.

If for some reason, you were unable to look after your under-age child, they would contact your emergency contact (look in the back of your passport), or if necessary, contact the uk embassy/consulate and arrange safe homeward travel.

Stop worrying and go and enjoy your holiday. Just make sure you have filled in your emergency contact details.

Thank you so much, everyone, for all of these suggestions. I’m feeling a little better today, and hopefully by the time of travel, I’ll feel more confident to go ahead with the trip and hopefully have a good time. DD is so excited, and I really don’t want to spoil that for her.

Your hotel takes copies of your passport which has emergency details in.

Put a copy of your details & phone number in her pocket/ backpack if that makes you feel better. Tell her to find someone in uniform if she needs help and you can’t help her for whatever reason.

Perhaps look up some mindfulness exercises or ways to help with intrusive thoughts (and intrusive parents!!).

OP, you are giving your Dd such great experiences and having a wonderful time.

Don’t fall into an anxiety driven trap of ditching the certainly of good times and good experiences for the infinitesimally tiny possibility that something could go wrong.

Go, have a fab time and build a Teflon layer around yourself to deflect when your Mum projects her worries on to you.

I think being prepared is the best thing you can do - a bright envelope carried with you so your daughter can access emergency info is a good idea.

Forward your insurance policy to your mum or a friend and put the details in the envelope.

Make sure she knows how to get into your phone and use it to call emergency services / your mum / your friend / local embassy.

Tell someone your flight details and where you’re staying. Maybe have an agreement that you’ll message your plans for the day and will message again when you’re back at the hotel.

Teach her the word for ‘help’ and how to use Google translate.

You don’t even need to worry her with all this, as long as she knows about the envelope and how to use your phone.

Oh god I have a mother like this. Ignore ignore ignore.

Im a LP and travel alone with DS9. Nowhere long haul yet, but I’m planning a trip to either Mexico or Japan late in the year. Our next holiday is 10 days in Italy in May, travelling to a few different places. Never do package holidays.

It is in the back of my mind that things going wrong alone with your child is more complicated, and potentially more upsetting for DC than if you’re with another adult, but I (relented) and went on holiday with my parents earlier this year, and to be honest they were fucking useless when DS had suspected appendicitis, and in fact DM managed to turn it into a drama about her. So we’re back to traveling solo- and I’m pretty certain it’ll be much easier/ less stressful!

In terms of things you can do whilst you’re away to feel more secure (things that I do anyway)-

• book accommodation that the reviews say is family friendly, and has 24/7 reception on site or similar - preDC I would have booked apartments etc. but now I look for small or midsized hotels or b&bs. If they’re family run- all the better! Just makes me feel like in an emergency we’d be more likely to get decent help. Also smaller accommodation means the staff are more likely to “know” your kid/ know you’re travelling as a lone parent
• go out of my way to be chatty and friendly with hotel receptionists etc- I want them to know that DS and I are there, and have an idea of our routine, so that if they didn’t see us for a day or so, someone might realize
• really good travel insurance
• really good first aid/ medical kit, inc painkillers, antipyretics, rehydration sachets etc for both of you
• always learn key phrases in the local language for day to day and emergencies - including (minor) health conditions both of us have
• look up the A&E department for each place you’re staying, and make a note of the address in your phone, in the local language, so you can flash it at taxi drivers etc quickly if needed
• make sure DC can use phone with emergency number etc. make sure they can navigate phone to call their other parent/ a grandparent/ aunt/ uncle/ friend or whatever in an emergency
• Have a small card with a request for help written in the local language, in the very unlikely event that I am totally incapacitated, which DS knows is in the medical bag. I adapt according to where we’re going etc. but it generally says something like “I am here on holiday from the UK with my mum. I don’t speak [ language]. I speak English. my mum is very sick and we need help.” I feel like that might be enough for a competent adult to find someone who can speak English to assist, if they don’t speak English themselves. If you want to be really thorough, you could add next of kin details and contact number to that card
• Make sure I have 2 photocopies of passports, travel documents, health cards, health insurance, DS’s inhaler prescriptions and asthma plan etc etc - one goes in suitcase, one goes in my hand luggage

it sounds like overkill but it works for us, and gives me enough peace of mind to actually travel relatively stress free…

No please do wait, the experiences you will give your daughter outweigh any “scary “ thoughts. Your teaching her to be like yourself a independent young woman