Been a lone parent just over 3 years now. My ex of 20 years walked out after communication breaking down and getting someone pregnant. He chose to “do the right thing”
All this time co parenting has been fine and structured, so long as I give in to demands and it’s only on the few times I don’t give in things blow out of proportion.
for the last 6-8 weeks things have been very difficult. He initially agreed to have the kids for me to work each Saturday which was then withdrew as punishment as we had an argument of the costs I spent on Santa. He said the price didn’t add up, essentially saying I was fleecing him and then I provided the receipts. Which I was told he wouldn’t be paying for and was told he too had to work so I should find someone else to have the kids.
Given the amount of times I have worked with him in this time frame. I asked for one thing in all this time which was to take the kids to a Christmas disco their school was hosting. Keep in mind the previous year during my weekend I thought it was best he get to take them seeing as I took them the prior year and thought it was fair. When explaining this to him I was shut down, told no and he’ll be taking them as it was falling on his weekend. From those 3 moments with a 2 week gap our co parenting fell apart and I was threatened with legal action and that he’d have the kids 50/50.
our 3 yr plan had been the kids were one midweek overnight with him and every other weekend. He’s saying I’ve too much control and he’ll take that out of my hands and that “all women do this” claims I’m stopping him having contact with his kids when he doesn’t get his way, and cannot for the life of him see that through all of this I have been a very healthy co parent. He’s also telling the children “I only see you 52 days go the year mum sees you 180” “mum has more time with you” “mum stops me seeing you” “you can come here anytime”
it has caused a huge rift between me and my children. They are asking to stay more days with their dad since this was said to them. And when I have to explain to them us adults make these decisions together, they break down in tears, scream and shout at me that they hate me, I’m keeping them from their dad, they want to live with him. They have never said these things to me. He even told the kids we mutually broke up for them to side with him, I obviously can’t say actually he cheated and knocked someone up and that’s why we aren’t a family.. but he has the children siding with him. He’s using the excuse that I’m bitter he’s moved on and had another family. But that was 3 years ago and we’ve had a full on co parenting going on which the kids have been heavily involved with his new partner and their other two kids now! Surely if I was bitter this would have all came out at the start rather than 3 years in.
I don’t know what to do other than speak to a solicitor. As the insults and accusations about my parenting are too much and i know it’s to make me lash out. I’ve been accused of child abuse,child alienation and neglect because the children took a growth spurt in the last few weeks and I haven’t been able to afford their next size up with sorting everything else on my own financially with zero help from him. They have outfits that are their next size up that I managed to buy until after Christmas when I could afford more clothing. He’s just being very nasty and I don’t deserve any of this.
it’s all articulated from me being firm with him for once as I can see there’s clearly no respect that comes back my way or assistance. It’s all been a one way street with me giving in to keep the peace as I knew what would happen if I didn’t.
What will happen in this case. I’m just looking advice from others who have been through the same thing. What did you do. How did it end up? And I’m broken about how my relationship with the kids has turned since all of this.