Moving to a completely new area, know no one - can anyone give me a pep talk that we’ll be okay. (Feel pretty alone right now in life, hoping this will be our fresh start needed)

[anonanon2025]

Moving to new area in January with my LO who’s coming up to 2 and two dogs.
I’m positive about the move but also apprehensive also.

Where we’re moving to was meant to be around London when I originally was searching (where I know people). But ended up finding somewhere that gives a good outdoor bit of countryside life but close (5/10mins) to decent town type of life ratio.
About an hour and half away from few people I still know and speak to, living in London (they’re SW London). We’re moving to Hertfordshire.
So due to traffic getting through and out of London it’s still about hr and half to visit them or those friends visiting us where we’re moving to.

I moved a few hrs away from London after LO was born to try reconnect to my mum, in Devon.
But that just didn’t last (she’s not capable to be a mother, grandmother. And for last time in my life have had to cut her off, she’s a super unhealthy person to have around my daughter and has been for myself in life). We’ve not been in each others lives a fair amount on and off.

TBH I’ve been a Lone Ranger for a fair amount of life, working abroad, living here there and everywhere. Don’t have extended family, just friends.
And tbh since having LO I think I can count two close friends I can count on but they’re the ones that live in SW London. All others are the type of friends that have partners, families, now scattered about and we keep in touch over social media or WhatsApp. It’s sad to admit this is my current life!

I’m embarrassed that this is my life and pretend to people this is not the case. But it’s been a terrible few yrs (full of personal loss, big life stress, and some depression as result) to be honest.
This new home purchase/move to this new area is meant to be fresh start for me and LO. To form roots and create a long lasting childhood for my daughter in a new area and create happy future memories, leaving the past behind.

The area seems really community minded and friendly. I really believe I can create our ‘village’ once settled and happier with this fresh start. And finally also being out of rented and constant moving, and be in our own home.
Maybe one day will meet someone in the form of a partner. But I’m going to really concentrate on creating our village so to speak once moved.

Did anyone else move to a whole new area with their LO/s and start again? Starting from scratch?

Guess I’m looking for positive stories of it going well for others. I’m so nerve wracked

I think having a young child is a great way to start making a new network as you’ll meet other parents at pre school, then school. Stay in touch with current friends even if you can’t see them as much and enjoy making new friends.

Might take a while but you’ll have a great new start!

I did similar and moved to a village where I knew no one and now know loads of people and have new friends. You’ll be fine!

You have done this before having a child, so hopefully it will be easier to make contact with your lovely plus one. Say hello to everyone you meet who appears to be local with a smile. Join in everything you have time for. Always accept invitations if possible.

Join a toddler group, get involved in village events and activities and possibly attend church - if that’s your thing. You’re only 30 mins from friends so you’re not moving far away. I’ve been there as a lone parent with two under two and it didn’t take too long.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4766930-single-mum?postsby=PITH1&page=2

Would you be willing to say the area or town in herts it is near as it may help get some suggestions to make things easier.

aside from practicals, try and reframe it as a real opportunity to start again as you said in your post & write the real pros down.

Although driving to SW London would be 1hr 30 - trains in Herts are really well connected and quick to London and a real plus - 25 mins Watford to Euston, Harpenden to London equally quick, the villages to central London also quick - Watford to Croydon or other connections to SW London also good & Elizabeth line helps - so meeting in town maybe an option?

This is a good idea, otherwise you would not be doing it!

be confident

You have dogs - so will meet new people when you walk them
You have a child - so will meet new people at places you take your child, nursery etc.

I would look up 'best places to walk dogs in xx '
and 'activities for toddlers/children aged 2 in xx'
before you move

@anonanon2025 I know this may seem a bit left field but Churches are often a good starting point. They quite often have different groups, cafe’s etc. where they welcome everyone. This then allows you to ask other people attending about other groups/activities etc. where you can meet other mums.

Also try your local town/district council websites for what’s on. Again this can be a gateway to finding out what groups exist in the local area.

duplicate post

Unfortunately one is reactive so I have to walk them in nature away from general dog walking areas. Which was part of the attraction of the property I found that was perfect for us to move to. As it backs on to farmers fields and has a semi rural setting (yet still close to a good town). So unfortunately the being a dog owner comes to my detriment rather than a social aspect (I inherited the reactive one, it’s a whole separate life struggle have to cater our life around. But luckily the new home caters well for this. As I don’t need to drive to particularly quiet places to spend time out of our day which was becoming all consuming with a little one in tow).

But definitely thankyou, will be signing up ourselves onto lots of playgroups, toddler activities etc locally to help to find our new local mum and little one crowd 🤍

Thanks for the pep talk.

Moving to East Hertfordshire/West Essex borders.

Your so right, I know in my heart of hearts it is a good idea, just got to get over the mammoth mental task ahead of me of packing and the move with these three dependants (dogs and LO)

Once we’re all moved and settled I will be so grateful I did this 🙏

I moved 70 miles outside London after my DH passed away. My kids were 6 and 8 when we moved. I was fortunate that each school class did a drop in coffee morning once a week at a local cafe - drop off was early enough that even those that worked could drop by for half an hour or so. I also volunteered at the school. I didn’t siesta make friends that way, but I did meet people and felt part of the community. I did strike up a friendship with the mum of one of my sons friends, then another and soon o had a good group of friends. When my son was older and took up rugby I volunteered to make the bacon sandwiches and teas and coffees during practice and matches (kept me inside and warm too). I’m also pretty bold - though an introvert I have no problem asking someone if they’d like to meet up for a coffee if I think we might have a potential connection.
A friend who moved to quite a small village got very involved with the church - not religious at all, but realised much of the village social activities revolved around it. Then when she had kids her social life expanded hugely.