How many mum friends do you actually have who get lone parenting?

[HumbleTalkativeMum]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… how many mum friends do we actually have who truly relate to our day‑to‑day life?

For me, I’ve only got one friend with a child, and another friend who has MS — and that’s really my whole circle. I’m a mum of three (5, 3 and 1), and I’d really love to meet new mum friends this year. People I can chat to on a high day or a low day, without judgement or pressure.

How many friends do you have who genuinely understand your situation?

And are you looking to make new connections too?

I’d love to hear from others in the same boat.

Sometimes it feels like people don’t really understand the mental load unless they’re living it too.

None, tbh; my close friends are all married, and the single mothers I know all share children with their exes.
I have been told by one married friend that she understands how I feel because her husband isn't home until 6pm!

It's literally just me - my family all live a long way from us and there's no grandparents or family on my ex's side. Just me. For everything.

One. She is married but her husband is a financially abusive creep who she can never rely on for anything.

If anything, my life as a lone mum is easier than hers. At least no-one in my life is actively trying to work against me..

@DarkEyedSailor I really feel this — I know that exact feeling. Things didn’t work out with the father of my kids either. It got to the point where he was only staying in the house two nights a week, and nothing changed — I was still doing everything. Now I’m doing it all on my own.

I’ve got two friends — one has MS, and the other has two kids and a baby father who’s still on the scene. They say they understand, but it’s not quite the same when someone else is still around or helping financially. Juggling everything is so stressful. There’s barely any time for yourself unless the kids are asleep or doing something constructive — drawing, colouring, homework, reading, maybe playing at the park. But even then, it’s not really rest.

I’ve got a 5, 3, and 1 year old — so I completely get it. If you ever want to chat or be friends, I’d love that. DM me if you’re interested 💛.

0 i know mums but all their exes are involved, last time i spent listening to them all excited for their break at the weekend because “everyone needs a break” when they know full well i dont bet a single break to myself.

@Meadowfinch That really hit me — I know that feeling so deeply. I was in an abusive relationship too, and it did a number on me emotionally. Things didn’t work out with the father of my kids, and it got to the point where he was only staying in the house two nights a week, but nothing changed — I was still doing everything. Now I’m doing it all alone.

I’ve got three little ones — 5, 3, and 1 — and I’m currently on UC, but they’re taking an overpayment back, so financially it’s a lot. I’m going through repossession, trying to get my 3‑year‑old tested for autism (and possibly myself too), and just trying to hold everything together while the house situation hangs over me. It’s exhausting.

I’ve only got two friends — one has MS, and the other has two kids and a baby father who’s still involved. They say they understand, but it’s not quite the same when someone else is still around or helping financially. The mental load is constant. There’s barely any time for yourself unless the kids are asleep or doing something constructive — drawing, colouring, homework, reading, maybe playing at the park. But even then, it’s not really rest.

I really hope your friend is okay. If she ever wants advice or just someone to talk to, I’d be happy to share what’s helped me emotionally — even just knowing she’s not alone can make a difference. And if you’re open to it, are you looking to make new friends on here too? I’m hoping to connect with other mums on this board who truly get it — the highs, the lows, the quiet strength it takes to keep going 💛.

@NoAdviceOnlyJudgement I really feel this. It’s so hard when everyone around you has some kind of break or backup, even if it’s just a weekend off or someone to split the load with. I’ve had friends say they understand because their baby father works full-time — but it’s not the same when you’re doing everything alone, day in and day out.

I’m a mum of three — 5, 3, and 1 — and I’m currently on UC, but they’re taking an overpayment back, so things are really tight. I’m going through repossession, trying to get my 3-year-old tested for autism (and possibly myself too), and just trying to hold it all together. There’s no time for yourself unless the kids are asleep or doing something quietly — and even then, it’s not really rest.

I’ve been through abuse in a past relationship too, and it did a number on me emotionally. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re carrying everything alone while others around you talk about their “breaks.”

If you’re open to it, I’d love to connect. I’m looking to make new mum friends this year — people who truly get it. DM me if you’re interested 💛.

One. However she does have masses of support from her parents who live on the same street and has always had much more freedom than I have, she regularly goes out and has weekends away. So probably not typical of lone parent.

None. All my friends either with the father of their child or don’t have children. They accept in a bemused way the, very good, relationship I have with the kids dad. But some are clearly judgey/think I have it easy as I have ‘days off’ and yet don’t get why I can’t be flexible when I have the kids.

They’ve never experienced looking after sick kids when you’re sick etc etc. They sometimes call themselves lone parents as they have crap partners but even the most useless husband can at least be left in change while you pop to do something - not an option when you’re the only adult.

I’ve been asked why I don’t go part-time which was a bit embarrassing because I had to explain mine is the only income in the house and therefore I cannot cut it in half.

There are lots of things people take for granted and don’t think about when they’re judging me for being able to do something on a Sunday when I don’t have the kids.

but time has passed and largely these things don’t come up anymore.

@TwillTrousers I hear you — it’s so hard when someone technically counts as a “lone parent” but still has layers of support that make their experience very different. It’s not about comparison, but it can feel isolating when you’re doing it all with no backup.
I’m in a similar boat — I’ve got three little ones (5, 3, and 1), and I’m doing everything alone. No family nearby, no co‑parenting, no weekends off. I’m currently on UC and dealing with an overpayment, going through repossession, and trying to get my 3‑year‑old tested for autism (and possibly myself too). It’s a lot.
I’ve only got two friends — one with MS and one with kids and a baby father still involved — but no one who really gets the full weight of this kind of parenting. I’m hoping to meet other mums here who truly understand the mental load and emotional stretch.
If you’re open to it, I’d love to connect. I’m looking for genuine friendships with other mums who get it — no pressure, just realness 💛.

@OneOfEachPlease I really feel this. People don’t realise how different it is when you’re the only adult — no one to tag in, no one to leave in charge while you pop out, no one to help when you’re sick and the kids are sick too. It’s a whole different level of responsibility and emotional load.

I’ve got three little ones — 5, 3, and 1 — and I’m doing it all alone. I’m currently on UC, dealing with an overpayment, going through repossession, and trying to get my 3‑year‑old tested for autism (and possibly myself too). It’s a lot. And like you said, people assume you have flexibility or “days off” — but they don’t see the full picture. They don’t see the mental gymnastics it takes to manage everything solo.

I’ve been through abuse in a past relationship too, and it really did a number on me emotionally. I’ve only got two friends — one with Ms no kids and one with kids and a baby father still involved — but no one who truly gets the full weight of this kind of parenting.

If you’re open to it, I’d love to connect. I’m hoping to make new mum friends this year — people who understand the highs, the lows, and the quiet strength it takes to keep going. DM me if you’re interested 💛.

Hello there! God, this is the thread I’ve been waiting for so big thanks from me 😊

While I have a really brilliant group of mum friends (met during antenatal class 4 years ago), they’re all happily married/coupled which, while lovely for them, means they really just don’t get it. They’re fantastic women and do try to empathise and accommodate my very limited childcare options when making plans but no, they just don’t understand the enormity of being the only parent. The one upon whom everything rests - and how utterly soul-sapping that can be at times.

So, that said, I’d absolutely love to connect with other lone mums!

I can’t imagine how tough it must be with 3 on your own with zero support system around you - I only have the one and it’s bloody hard sometimes. So massive kudos to you for that 💪 and thanks again for getting this thread going.

Even if nothing more comes of it, sometimes just knowing there are others out there that feel the same way, the same kind of different to their friends, helps. It’s nice to not be the only one who’s the only one ❤️

No one understands it unless they have done it. I think it’s impossible to

Thank you all so much for your honesty — I really felt your words 💛

@Roberttherobot — I get it. I’m also parenting alone and it’s exactly that: everything rests on you. It’s exhausting in ways that are hard to explain, even to the kindest coupled friends. I’ve got three little ones (5, 3 and 1), and I’m with them 24/7. No childcare, no partner support, no family nearby. Just me. I think we’d really get along — I’ll send you a private DM with my number if you’d ever like to chat. No pressure at all, just here if you need someone 🌿

To the lovely mum who said it’s tough even with one — thank you for seeing me. Some days I feel like I’m barely holding it together, but knowing there are others who feel the same kind of different… it really does help ❤️

@Bufftailed — you’re right. No one truly understands unless they’ve lived it. That constant emotional load, the decisions, the logistics, the loneliness. I’m here, and I get it.

I’m looking forward to being there for each other — through thick and thin, through chaos and calm, through the days that feel impossible and the ones where we laugh anyway 💛

My circumstances are different as my children (now some years older than yours) are donor-conceived and so whilst I've done it all alone, that was an active choice and feels very different. Still sometimes gruelling in intensity or load or emotionally, but also different.

Fwiw I've usually found that the difference is in people's empathy and imagination, rather than personal experiences (even if you find another complete lone parent without real family support, there'll still be significant differences in financial pressures or number of children or SEND or something else...). I have friends without children at all who absolutely get it, and acquaintances with children/useless partners/part-time dads who are clueless. I def have some wonderful lone parent friends and acquaintances, but some of my most valuable people are those without children themselves (and they're often also most able to come and socialise at mine which is easier than getting a babysitter, or are genuinely willing to hang out with my kids in tow, so logistically their own child free status can be a bonus!).

Wish you strength - it does mostly get easier, I think (14 and 8 now).

@notsurewherenotsurewhy Thank you for sharing this — it really resonated with me 💛

Your point about empathy and imagination being the real difference… that’s so true. Even as a lone parent myself, I know our situations won’t ever match exactly — different ages, different needs, different pressures, different journeys. But that ability to see someone else’s load, even if it’s not your own, is what makes the biggest difference.

I love what you said about your child‑free friends too. I’ve found the same — some people with no kids at all have been the most understanding, the most flexible, the most willing to just sit with me in the chaos or let my little ones potter around while we talk. And then there are people with kids or partners who still don’t get it at all. It really does come down to the person, not the circumstances.

I’m doing this alone with my three little ones, and while my situation is different to yours, I really appreciate hearing from someone who’s also carried the full load. It’s comforting to know there are so many different versions of “doing it alone,” and that we can still meet each other with understanding.

If you ever want to chat more, I’m here — I’ll happily send you a DM. I think we’d get along 🌿💛

Are you getting AI to write your posts op?

I am part of a single parents group so I know quite a few people in the same boat. One of my school mum friends was single with a DD who had never met her dad because he left before DD was born. (She did get into another relationship later.)