Daughter hates my partner

[123mast]

My 24 year old daughter dislikes my new partner, she is autistic and doesn’t like change but is currently being really horrible to me. I have raised my daughter on my own and haven’t dated for over 10 years so when my daughter moved to London I got lonely and joined a dating site, my partner treats me really well and is always polite to my daughter but it’s started to affect my mental health. I try to organise days where it’s just me and my daughter and sometimes we have a great time other times it can be difficult. I love my daughter so much and she will always come first but she doesn’t want me to have a life without her. I don’t know what to do for the best.

Yes, but you do have a life without her.

She doesn’t hate your partner, she hates you exerting control over your life when she feels that your life should be fully in service to her. She may also be revolted by the thought of you having a sex life.

She is 24 and capable of living independently. She doesn’t get a say, and gets told to stay in her lane.

If she doesn’t like it she can go and focus on her own life. You deserve to be happy without an adult child on your back.

Assuming you’re not forcing his presence on her it’s absolutely none of her business.

So, she is off living her life ( as she should), but wants you to just hang out at home waiting for her to visit? Selfish.

Unless there is a real reason why she dislikes him ?

Do not always put your daughter first please. Put yourself first. She is now a grown woman and must understand that you have needs and desires.

I think this is a control thing and should be treated as such. She doesn’t like your partner, okay well that’s how she feels, it doesn’t change anything. I would be very matter-of-fact about it all.

At 24 she shouldn’t be having a say on what you do or don’t do.

DD is 21, likes my partner but despite that she was always trying to get him to be at our service like some sort of maid. I thought she wasn’t doing it on purpose but last week I realised it’s very much intentional so I’m putting a stop to it. She’s currently in her bedroom sulking, in fact. She’s also announced that if we move in together she’d move out.

It took me a 2+ years and a lot of crying on my part, but I’ve told her if that’s how she feels that’s okay, but when the time comes for us to live together it would
happen and she’s welcome to do as she feels it’s best for her, whether it’s staying or going.

I agree with PPs, it’s about control and being used to having us at their service 24/7.