looking for advice- bd gone silent, how do handle this?

[boundariesandbaby]

Hi, I’m looking for some advice and outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.

My baby’s dad has always been very inconsistent. I’ve tried everything to encourage him to be involved – kept communication open, updated him, been flexible, tried to give him chances even when he’s let us down before.

About three weeks ago he suddenly went quiet. No reply to messages, no answer to calls. I’ve probably tried to contact him 20+ times in total just to check in and see if he still wants to be involved. Nothing. No explanation, no effort, no interest.

I feel stuck. Do I keep trying so I can say I did everything I could? Or do I cut all contact and move on with my life so I’m not constantly stressed and disappointed? I don’t want my child growing up with this constant instability, and I also don’t want to chase someone who clearly isn’t prioritising their own kid.

Has anyone been through this? What would you do in my position?

Go through CMS

and do not pursue contact but do not cut contact

your child isn’t missing out on anything with him

Why are you constantly stressed and disappointed?

Unless something has happened to him, I’d assume his silence is telling you everything you need to know.
Could you contact a family member to check he’s ok? Otherwise, I’d be moving forward without him but I wouldn’t let him swan in and swan out of your baby’s life as and when it suited him.

Thank you for your reply. I contacted his mum and she said “ s been stressed as moved in a flat on Friday so not heard from him since Friday”. Very unsure if this is true though

because i’m doing this completely on my own, and every time he dips in and out it creates chaos. I’m not stressed because I want him back or because I rely on him – I’m stressed because I’m trying to give my child stability, and having a parent appear and disappear whenever it suits them isn’t fair on either of us

thank you :)

No just concentrate on looking after dc and yourself. Dont waste your emotional energy on something you cant change. Document everything for dc in the future to show you've tried. Screen shot everything you've done and send it to yourself in an email and let it sit there till /if its needed.
Ask yourself whats best an inconsistent dad in and out of their life messing with their emotions or an absent dad who will also upset their emotions by being absent at times but probably far less.
My now adult dc has an absent dad (dad had an affair while I was pregnant with ivf dc after 10 years together) dc once said to me I'm glad he wasn't around because he wouldn't have shown me what a good role model was and seeing my friends dad's messing with their heads i actually got the better deal. Dc did meet as a teenager twice with dad but dad hadn't changed so dc took own decision to walk away.
Obviously it wasn't the ideal situation but dc can see what inconsistent dads have done to friends.
So my advice protect your child do what evers best for them at each stage of their life, if you can say I did the best, with what I had at each moment in time you've done the best by them and for them.

You are calling someone dozens of times and they aren’t even taking the call

Surely that is telling you all you need to know

Your focus should be money

CMS

Make sure you go to CMS for some financial support at least. Keep the door open - maybe email updates and/or pics now and again - but don’t put yourself out. It’s on him to be a dad. I’m sorry he’s such a loser.

Cms
Imagine he is a,uncle or cousin
Appears sometimes
No big deal