Single mum planning an EU relocation with SEN child and looking for advice from anyone who’s done similar

[SeaBoundMum1995]

Hi all,
I’m a single mum with a young SEN child (non-violent, mostly speech delay and sensory stuff). His dad hasn’t had any contact in years and has never pursued court, mediation, CMS, or any involvement at all. It’s just been me doing everything.

I’m starting to plan a long-term move to the EU (likely Spain or nearby countries in the next 3–4 years). I want to create a safer, calmer, more affordable life for me and my son. UK costs and a complete lack of family support have made things quite difficult here.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has:

• moved abroad as a single parent
• relocated with a child who has no contact with the other parent
• navigated SIO/PSO applications
• moved to Spain with a child
• dealt with SEN schooling abroad
• handled the UK admin (benefits, passports, GP records, etc)
• moved without close family support
• built a support network in a new country

I’m also curious how you handled:

• telling family (especially if they weren’t supportive)
• the legal side around the absent parent
• timing applications so things didn’t clash
• emotional/behavioural impacts on your child
• what you wish you’d known beforehand
• anything that went wrong or surprised you

I’m not moving immediately, I’m planning properly over the next few years. I just want to learn from people who’ve already been through it rather than reinvent the wheel.

Any advice or experiences would be massively appreciated ❤️

I guess the biggest thing would be are you eligible to do so? Unless you have an EU passport I thought it was really difficult? Hope it all goes well though if you are able to

Maybe she is saving so won't have to work and can go on a NLV? Perhaps she has Irish passports?

Perhaps but that’s why I’m asking because it’s something I only learned recently how hard it would be to relocate for the average Brit 🫣

By the way I’m self employed and make decent money but the rising cost of living is a big factor as well as health and lifestyle reasons

Can you speak Spanish? Why do you want to live in Spain other than cheaper cost of living? If your child has a language/development delay and will need help with school work this will be difficult. I live in a different EU country and now have citizenship but I spoke the local language well before I came here.

Countries often refuse to allow people to emigrate if they have a disability or a dependent has a disability.

How will your child cope with learning a new language?

Do you have an EU passport? If not then unless you have substantial money to start a business or do not need to work you may find it difficult to. Assuming you can navigate this here’s some other thoughts….

Sen recognition and support varies dramatically, and whilst we may complain here, actually we are far more enlightened than many countries eg my friends took a job in the U.K. partly because of the issues their son was having in school in France (he has adhd) they said it was terrible, they think British schools are brilliant!

Most U.K. benefits stop after a few weeks, varies a bit but you cannot claim benefits if you are not ordinarily resident here, you have to legally inform hmrc or you can be fined and have to pay back what you owe. Gp records when I moved were paper so I paid for copies (I was moving to England not from though). I also found that countries and specifically school systems didn’t recognise assessments done overseas so all diagnosis had to be redone

I know someone who moved back from Portugal because of the way her disabled child was treated there. There was poor schooling choices/opportunities for them.

If you’re self employed how do you think that’s going to look living and working in Spain?
You can’t be a digital nomad and work as a Uk registered company and pay tax in the UK and be eligible for social security benefits (like healthcare and often schooling) if you’re not a tax resident in the EU country you’re living in.
If the idea is to start your own business legal based in Spain (or wherever) then you have to take into account that cost of living can be lower in some EU countries but then salaries tend to match, and that usually extends to self employed salaries too. How much people are willing to pay for whatever goods or services you provide is largely dependent on their own salary if you see what I mean.

Be aware that support for SEN children is dramatically lower in Spain than in the UK. Given things like language barriers you will probably have to go for an international school which will be very expensive and if you need extra support you will need to pay extra for it.

Do you speak Spanish?

If your child has any developmental delay then learning a second language may be a significant challenge and therefore an unfair obstacle to making friends, learning, and integrating into their new country.

I live in Portugal and the international (private) schools near me offer support for dyslexia but friends who have a child with a learning disability were given less than a weeks notice before the term started that their child couldn’t return to the private school he was attending as they couldn’t support him. There is more SEN support in the local State school but their child doesn’t speak Portuguese and the parents don’t think he’ll cope. They are thinking of moving to an English speaking country (they are not originally from the U.K.)

It is increasingly difficult to move to Spain from the U.K., it is easier to move to Portugal but becoming less so.

Without further information this sounds like a very bad idea for both of you, you could end up very isolated and out of pocket. Depending on where you want to live, rent and property can be very expensive and you would probably need private medical insurance which while cheaper than in the U.K., is a significant outgoing.

I have had very positive experiences in both Spain and Portugal with a family member with very significant disabilities, the infrastructure is often lacking outside major cities and inconstant within them but the people are on average much more helpful and kinder than in the U.K. However a visit is a very different thing. I wouldn’t consider moving here with a child with a learning difficulty unless they already spoke Portuguese.

Unless you already have an EU citizenship , and or significant capital, I don’t think a move to Spain will come off.

Sorry to be so negative. This might be one to park until your child is independent, otherwise would you consider an English speaking country? What are your reasons for thinking of Spain or similar?

The OP has studiously avoided the question about whether they currently have the right to live permanently in the EU.

If you are partly just looking for a clean break, I wonder if you might be better moving elsewhere within the UK. Lots of places in the UK tick the box of being calm and safe, and some areas have better SEN provision, better public transport etc. There is also huge cultural variation in terms of how open and friendly people are etc. Obviously the cost of living varies a lot as well and some of the more desirable places have a higher cost of living so that needs to be factored in. But you might be able to find something that suits you setup. The considerable effort you are planning to spend to move could perhaps be put into finding ways to boost your earnings. I can't see any really obvious advantage to leaving in your situation, although obviously Spain is a nice place, but in truth I can see many struggles and pitfalls.

Quite
Without this the rest is irrelevant

I have many friends who have moved abroad and for most it has worked out well.

The thing that all those that it has worked for have in common is that there is always a reason that they chose the specific place that they went to - usually a job, but in one case a family member etc. They were always moving “to” somewhere.

Those that it didn’t work out for were generally moving “away”. Which meant that when they got to their new place they didn’t have anything solid to attach themselves to.

If you are not a citizen of an EU country, then you can pretty much kiss goodbye to permanent relocation there. It's not a mere formality as a friend found out - to her very great cost.

I do. I’m half Irish and have an Irish passport

I would choose Dubai in your shoes

As a single unmarried mother? Really?

You mention benefits? Can you expand on what you mean by this? Here or in Spain?

I need to ask a question of curiosity:
What is the apparent obsession for ppl choosing to move to Dubai?

Will your self employment work in Spain? You will need a whole new customer base. Does your ex have parental responsibility?

I looked at moving before Brexit and the biggest hurdle was getting permission from my ex. I would need to find him first then get his permission, without his permission I would need to go to court and convince a judge they would be better off over there and that there was no parental connection to break.

You could not claim UK benefits abroad now and as far as I know, there are none you can claim in Spain. Is your income high enough to support you all with no government support?

I live in Spain but don’t have kids so can’t answer that part. However, being self employed in Spain is horrendous - it’s the worst system in Europe. If you go autónomo as they call it, not only do you have to pay normal tax (higher than the UK and the personal allowance is only about €4,500), you also have to pay for the privilege of being self employed. This starts at about €80 a month for the first year and goes up to about €400 eventually. You get to pay this even if you aren’t making any money though you can apply for the odd month off. You also have to charge IVA (VAT) though only to Spanish clients I think. You will need a good gestor too to do your accounts and there is not a lot you can claim back in work expenses. When it comes to paying tax, the hacienda just help themselves to what’s in your bank account. And they make mistakes, plus you get fined if your gestor or you make a mistake and there doesn’t seem to be any come back on gestors.

apart from that, you will need health insurance and they won’t cover for existing conditions and may well turn you down if you declare any. You have to have about €8k in the bank when you apply for your residency (get a native Spanish speaker to help as they usually know the ins and outs of the system and getting an appointment for residency can take an age)

your child will be better off in a private school - they cost about €1k a month.

good luck!