Just had a real panic....

[noche]

DD has been with her dad since after school yesterday and they haven't answered any of my calls or messages until 5 mins ago so although there is no panic now I was in a real state and was wondering what measures you have in place for this kind of thing? Apart from ex's mobile I have no way of contacting dd and he doesn't answer my calls when i ring. I was just getting in the car to drive to his house when he texted. I told him how worried I had been but he has not even said sorry. He won't give me his house phone number and i don't know any of his friends' numbers either. He said if there had been something wrong he would have called me but that's assuming HE was Ok to ring. It's just made me think if there was an emergency and they both ended up in hospital who would know to contact me.

[OverMyDeadBody]

I think you should insist on him giving you his home number. Anything can happen to a mobile.

What abou this parents? Could you get a contact number for them? (assuming he has aprents of course)

[noche]

I;ve got his parents number but they are very unwell and I would only call them in a real emergency as it would worry them.Also ex would go mad at me. That wouldn;t stop me if I really needed to contact them.I have tried several times to get his home number but he wil not give it.

[edam]

Is he not in the phone book? I think he's being bloody outrageous not giving you his number while he has dd - in your shoes I'd refuse to hand her over without it.

How old is dd? Could you get her a PAYG mobile?

[noche]

Not in phone book no. I was thinking I might get her a phone though she is only 7 (next week) I do think I have been a bit crap at insisting on having the number but you can't win with x. Once before when he first left he gave me a false address. He is a compulsive liar.

[edam]

That's a big problem wrt her safety, then. I do think you have to be firm with him. And yes, get her a PAYG mobile for her birthday and show her how to use it.

[LittleBella]

Sorry but I wouldn't let my DC's go off with a man who gave me a false address. Let him tell it to a judge why he did that. The twat. Imagine what he would say if you did it.

[noche]

If she had a phone I would be able to contact her so that's fine but I'm thinking also about if there WAS an emergency and x ended up in hospital, unconscious or worse, and maybe (god forbid)dd too then who would know to conmtact me? X's gf knows where I live but what if she was involved too? It's gloomy to think about but I can't help worrying. I told X to give his gf my numbers and he said he had but there's no way of knowing if he really did.

[LittleBella]

Well also what if you had an accident and you needed to have him know about it so that he could either keep DD for longer or make alternative arrangements (grandparents etc.)?

It is absolutely unacceptable not to leave a number. Even parents who drop their kids off for a party sometimes leave their numbers FGS.

[noche]

He would get a msg on his mobile which he is never parted from! Makes it all the more annoying that I know he would have got all my messages today and just ignored them, despite my increasing panic. My friends and family have his mobile so they could contact him if they had to.He's an arse. i will have to have it out with him but I will wait until I am not mad and compose an appropriately worded email. If I "criticise" him to his face (in other words, mention anything he doesn't want to hear) then he will rant at me and storm off, even in front of dd then she will be in bits and I will be left picking up the pieces.

[barnstaple]

noche, why did you want to contact them in the first place?

[gillybean2]

Yes that's my thought too barnstaple. What was so urgent that you needed to speak to him, yet wasn't so urgent that you didn't feel able to disturb his ill parents?

If its's not urgent enough to call his parents I would say try not to call him. He's clearly not going to answer until it's convienient. You'd probably get fed up with him if he called you all the time when your dd is with you and not with him just to check everything was ok and nothing had happened to you both!

He's not obliged to give you his home number. A mobile is more likely to be with him at all times, he could be out of the house when you call. You have that and his parents number for emergencies. I think that should be sufficient. He's no more likely to answer his home number than a mobile now is he.

It really sounds like you were panicing and that what you need to calm down a little. I know it can be hard but try and find things to distract yourself so you're not worrying all the time. When you feel you really have to phone give it ten more minutes and do something to fill those ten minutes. Then when the ten minutes are up see if you can give it another 5. Or try waiting until the adverts if you are watching tv, then the next ones. Or just make a cup of tea, give the hoover a quick run round or something else to give it a few more minutes. The time will pass much quicker and you'll find you start to make less and less calls.

Be assured that if there was some kind of an emergency and no-one was able to physically say who to contact then the police etc still have ways and means of finding out who to contact. You would be contacted.

Giving him an earful might make you feel better short term but is unlikely to achieve very much and will leave you more frustrated in teh long run when you still have no number and he still doesn't answer the phone because you'll be all hysterical and panicing and thus possibly spoil his short time with dd. As I said try and think about how you would feel if he rang you several times a day worrying that something might have happened and noone had contacted him.

Hope you are feeling better now you know everything is fine. Try and find ways of coping better and distracting yourself in future and you'll find it much easier to get through it.

Take care
Gilly

[noche]

I wanted to contact him because dd had asked me to ring her as she always does! Then I had no reply for more than 24 hours so I got in a bit of a panic. Gilly I don't make a habit of it-it's not a case of me ringing up in hysterics every time dd is with him-I usually leave him to it.He usually gets Dd to ring me anyway or text. Anyway it turns out that he and GF had gone out and Dd was with the neighbours "until it got dark".....
It's a tad ironic you saying I would get fed up with him phoning all the time-he can go weeks without ringing DD-5 in fact last summer holidays!!!

[noche]

Forgot to add x said today he would give me his home number but he "couldn't remember it"!!! It came up in conversation-we had a civilised chat about it-no ranting Glly-honest!!