Am I not really in the right place emotionally for online dating? Lou33. zippi?

[sexandthecitylover]

OK sep nearly 2 years divorced for just over one year.

Had an on/off relationship with ex bf since last July and tho I have strong feelings for him not sure they are reciprocated.

So am on a few dating sites but very rather half heartedly. Part of me thinks I should be forging ahead, testing the water moving on. (I am no spring chicken).

Have felt most of the guys who have responded all been not what I am looking for - am being a bit picky I suppose.

However one yesterday made me want to reply to his email. So after alot of deliberation I did. Checked mail when I got home late last night and tho he had read my mail no reply!! Tho I did take over a week to reply to his.

I really need to be more resilient and not take it all so seriously. But after having trauma of bad marriage and then this latest relationship which is like a roller coaster, not sure whether I really have the reserves left to do the online thing. Having taken the bold step of replying I was hoping for a quick response. Also I really did not know what to say in my email, he hadn't said much so I just made a joke!! Bit of banter.

I am a pretty outgoing and flirtatious person but I don't get much chance to go out socially (about once every two weeks) but I do work ft so am in touch with adults there.

Perhaps I should give myself more time to lick my leonine wounds.

you are very attractive citylover

maybe you just aren't ready to date yet, and it comes across in the way you communicate?

thanks lou

yes well not even two years since split with exh then nearly a year since exbf got back in touch, then disappeared then got back in touch again so maybe I should just give it more time. That has been a total headf* (more so than sep and divorce) as it was all very unexpected and overwhelming.

Plus ongoing problems with exh who is due to become a father again next month, amazing how they do that, isn't it?

The one positive thing I have noticed is how my RL friendships and networks have grown over this period quite effortlessly. That has to be a plus. And mnet of course.

i actually found it a lot harder to cope after i split with my exbf than my h, but that was probably because i had a long time to accept it with h

lol @ "amazing how they do that"

you know i will agree with you

Agreed - when I split with exh I was relieved tbh in fact for the first few months really quite exhilarated (sp!) (for myself not for DCs).

oh yes, definitely, in fact i still am

Yes I still am in some sort of way but also exhausted as well.

Think online guy is a player tbh - as when I have been on to check mail he is always online - but clearly not to me!

And as you mentioned think he is one of those who sent out many messages to many women.

Perhaps if I made my profile more distinctive and put a photo there it might weed out those types.

He was very 'buff' though in a cheeky type of way. My RL friend who looked at him said he looked as though he would be great in bed. .

did he have topless pics on his profile?

they always make me suspicious

why dont you put a photo on?

my take on this isto be very proactive..i found that the people who contact you are rubbish so i contacted the people i liked

wrt photos i wouldnt engage with anyone who didnt have an online photo as my belkief is that they are either hideous or married if they dont have one

and also as my photo was up then it was only fair that theirs should be

i cant think of any reason not to have a photo it is what everyone is interested in

and yes i aslo agree to having an individual profile that matches your personality

i only met two people when i was doing it

tho i emailed loads and loads

i am far from klnowing much about how it works tho i think you have to allow yourself to engage fully with the process

all the genuine people are in the same boat really

we as in bf and me still joke about the whole well what do you expect if you meet someone off the internet thing

bf is not at all the sort of person i would ever have expected to meet in everyday life so it has been fun...still not sure why he is with me but he hasn't shown any signs of running off yet

so i am happy that it was a good way to meet someone

we do like the same things and we are both quite similar natures so seem to get on

probably luck really

how long it will last i dont know but i would do the internet thing again

i emphasised interest in outdoor pursuits on my profile which had the added benefit of weeding out unfit slobs...as people who want to walk up mountains and swim and camp and stuff tend to look after themselves to some extent

also you either like art galleries or not

i also had a slightly flirty thing going in my profile and on emails but not sleazy which i think men like..and so do i

analyse what makes you think oh he looks nice and se if you can get that kind of feel on your own profile

and dont be too formal contacting people

i wrote the same kind of way i do on mn so it is either like me or not that is what you are going to get

saw one of my gay frends today who has just split up with his partner.

God his attitude to all this was so refreshing and perhpas I should take a leaf out of his book.

He is on many dating sites, chats to loads, hasn't been out on a date yet but was so upbeat about it. And just didn't have all those qualms and angst that I have. He balanced Guardian soulmates with gaydar

It was like - what's your poblem!! Just go and do it!! I dont think any of my doubts had entered his head.

neither attitude is right or wrong, it just depends how you are feeling emotionally really

I have now appointed him as my personal dating advisor!!!

Had a crap day today - had a major row with exH which left me sobbing with frustration in my office for about 30 minutes. That has only happened about three times in nine years - the sobbing in my office I mean!!

In a nutshell, I had told him I had to work late today - he phoned me mid afternoon and asked what time I would be back (Friday is his appointed day for pick up anyway) and when I said between 7-8 he went off on one. Turned out it was because he wanted to go back to work for someone's birthday.

Then a bit later I though I saw ex bf in a car somewhere I was least expecting to see him (perhaps I was hallucinating which led me to send a text and voicemail message. We'll see what the outcome of that is!!

On a brighter note it is DS2's birthday this weekend so we are going to have a lovely celebration on Sunday.

how you feeling today?

bit tired and hungover. I had a lovely mint cocktail with bacardi in it at the work event (it was work) and then a few glasses of wine when I got in.

Ex did text back, explained his absence, the reason for which I thought was bullshit. We continued to text till the early hours of this morning. Am not really any clearer really might meet him next Sat. We'll see.

Have to go for now DS2 is reading over my shoulder!!!

Ex H behaved badly when I got home. He did not apologise for forgetting I said I was working late and moaned on and onabout having to do some childcare next week. Unfortunately he will be coming round to see DS2 tomorrow for his birthday but knows he ia nor welcome in the afternoon.

The only time that I can remember getting as upset yesterday with exH is when I discovered his mate had supplied him with Viagra. ExH tried to make out that it was for us but that was so untrue. I called him to discuss and he said that he couldn't talk as he was in a bar - I told him to get his arse outside so I could discuss it with him. Gawd do I pick abnormally weird men or what??

I have also started to chat to a diff guy online who mailed me. He appears to be very genuine and works near me so we may well meet for coffee. I have no particular expectation.

best way i think, dont see it as anything other than a couple of hours out of the house, whereby you may or may not make a new friend