Newbie single mum - please tell me I can cope!

[dragonstitcher]

This is my fourth day as a single mum. After months of plotting I finally left my mentally/emotionally abusive husband of 10 years.

I have three girls age 8, 12 and 16. DD3 is his DD, my other 2 are from my first marriage. All three were glad to leave but now my two youngest are missing him. DD1 is angry with them. He found out where we live yesterday and cam over to see them. Since then everyone is at each others throats. DDs 2 and 3 still wouldn't go to bad at 11.30 last night and I feel like I can't cope.

Please can someone tell me it will get easier?

cam = came
bad = bed

I can't type today.

it will get easier, generaly, day by day.

You have made a brave positive decision and step.

It will be very hard to know what to say to the dc's. Stay postive and kind about ex, even tho you won't want too.

If they see any anger in you about him, they will react. You have to go into monotone mode, for the time being, to settle them.

They need to settle into the new life, they prob feel upset and scared.

I hope you find the strength, and have a happier life long term.

you made the right decision, it will get better but not yet, you need to sit them down and be honest with them and tell them that they will still see their dad but you just wont be living together anymore, is there any chance you eldest can help you out with the younger two ?

Well good for you. Everyone is bound to have a few wobbles as they adjust to the new situation but what you have done is the best thing for everyone, even if it feels hard. One thing to remember is that the children are bound to have very conflicting emotions - when my mum left our very abusive father I cried as I felt sorry for him, even though I hated him and was incredibly relieved not to have to live with him any more (I was 12). It is very early days yet - be kind to yourselves.

It might be a good thing to establish that your ex is not allowed to come to your house, that you will arrange contact meetings at neutral places. You and your children deserve to feel safe in your new home. If he threatens you or is abusive get the police involved.

Congratulations on your new life

It will get much much easier. Don't allow him to come and go as he pleases - let it be regular but at a time convenient to you.