Do I have to tell ex where I am staying?

[popcorn123]

I left my H 1 month ago with my 2 DS's (2 and 3) I have moved into rented accomodation. I have not told him where I am staying - although he knows roughly where and he could find my car.
He was very unpleasant to me and my kids before I left. Was selfish, took little to do with kids, emotionally abusive, smashed things, rough with the children , threatened to self harm infront of children when didn't get his own way.
I don't trust him, but maybe I am over reacting.

I have said that he can see the children any sensible time if he lets me know. He has only seen them once for a few hours last week. The arrangements were made through his mum. He is due to see them again tomorrow.

I planned to let him know when he had calmed down and his behaviour was predictable.

I don't feel comfortable with him turning up at any time of day or night and being nasty or manipulative but i also feel bad that he doesn;t know where his kids are (he reminds me of this all the time). On the other hand he never asked me or his mum how they are and has constant excuses as to why he can;t see them.

A post on the relationship section about a similar issue prompted this.

What should I do?

have no experience but didnt want you to think you were being ignored
I don't think I would tell him. Arrange to meet in a neutral place or to meet at his mums.

Hi

Thanks I have been using his mum's as a neutral place but he makes me feel guilty about it.I just don't feel comfortable woth him knowing where I live but wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong.

No - don't tell him (for the moment anyway). He can obviously contact you if he needs to or wants to know how the DCs are. He definately needs to calm down and you need to feel safe.

I think you are doing right. Sounds like he's being a bit immature and you would just be leaving yourself open to more abuse and threatening behaviour if he knew you address.

You're protecting yourself and your children by not telling him where you live. I think you should keep it this way.

Don't let him make you feel guilty.

If he is able to get in contact with you that seems to be enough for now. But no you don't have to tell him your new address as such. Though he could apply to court to find out where the children are living.

popcorn he doesn't need to know where you live for now, continue to use your MIL as a neutral place and if he starts to get phsyco then keep a diary of his behaviour so if it did get to court you have evidence of his behaviour.

Thanks everyone that makes me feel a bit better. I feel much safer this way. My MIL watches the kids when I work so its not like I am hiding them from him. Will keep going as I am until I feel better about the situation.
Hopefully he will not not apply to the courts as I am not preventing him from having access but I will wait and see.

i have been wondering the same thing - if i moved would i have to tell xp. popcorn, i wish you the best of luck sweetheart, you sound like a lovely mom xxx

It might not be a bad idea to consult a solicitor. Because a man whose behaviour is this volatile may get worse and you may need to insist on supervised access only (ie if he is ever violent towards the kids or if he does any more self-harming in front of them).
Good that you have an amicable relationship with his mother though, that must be a help - but does she tell him off or does she indulge him?

I am concerned about his behaviour with the kids. So far he has only seen them twice once with his mum and once with his brother (who I trust). He says he can't manage on his own with them. I didn't really trust him when we were together as he could be volatile with them. He has never hit them but has caused minor bruising due to being in-patient and irritable with them.

As he is not wanting to see them alone just now things are OK. I have been to see a solicitor and have discussed issues and I would take action if I felt he was mis-treating them.

It is great that I have an amicable relationship with his mum.
Yes madamez she does indulge him and comes up with all sorts of excuses for his behaviour. She went out with them today and I know she did all the pram pushing, nappy changing etc and wouldn't think that he should be doing all these things. She does treat me with respect and is a great help so I am grateful for that.

I think deep down popcorn your ex MIL probably enjoys doing all those things with the children, at least you know when she is there that they are well looked after.