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Original poster

So much change and I'm so scared

3 replies

Pumpkinsandpinecones · 31/10/2025 21:14

Hello I've got so much change happening in my life and everything feels out of my control. I left a violent relationship 9 months ago with 2 little ones, I am moving out of my safety net family home and into a new house alone with my 2 babies. My ex husbands new partner has moved in with him after 6 months of dating and they are talking about babies, even though he is an awful father (think this is to trap her as she's not got any children) I'm just devastated by all the change and I have no social life or friends let alone time for a relationship. I'm having to put the babies into nursery in order to work which again is a massive change and breaking my heart. I'm just so sad that I've made a decision to keep us all safe, buy a new home and yet I'm sacrificing so much as well in order to just make sure I can pay the bills. This wasn't how I imagined being a mum which is all I've ever wanted for so many years. Not sure what I'm expecting posting this, I'm just so worried for the future and I feel like everything is out of my hands.

OP posts:
HowardTJMoon · 31/10/2025 21:36

It's entirely understandable that you're feeling unsettled. You've got a lot going on all at the same time. But I have to say that I'm sat here looking at all you've achieved and I've got nothing but admiration. The choices you're making are ones that are for the absolute best reasons - to keep you, and your children, safe and thriving. I know it's hard, I really do. I ended up with my DCs on the child protection register because of my ex. But it's all about making the next best decision, putting one foot in front of the other, and being kind to yourself about the choices you made in the past.

I absolutely understand how you feel about your ex moving on with his new partner. But I'm pretty sure that you'll eventually discover that it's not so much that he's finally getting himself together for a new woman, but much more that he's found someone new who he will end up treating just as badly as he treated you. He's not going to treat her better than you, he's going to end up being just as big of a blight on her life as he is to yours.

You've made the biggest steps already. You've left the person who was abusing you. You've got a safe home for you and your children. In a year's time, you'll look back on today and marvel at how far you've come. Just like if you look back today to how things were a year ago, you'll be horrified at how bad it was then and how different it is now. I know you can do this because you've already done the biggest and bravest things so everything else from here on will be easier than that. You deserve to feel proud of yourself because what you've done to get to this point is amazing.

Original poster
Pumpkinsandpinecones · 31/10/2025 22:00

HowardTJMoon · 31/10/2025 21:36

It's entirely understandable that you're feeling unsettled. You've got a lot going on all at the same time. But I have to say that I'm sat here looking at all you've achieved and I've got nothing but admiration. The choices you're making are ones that are for the absolute best reasons - to keep you, and your children, safe and thriving. I know it's hard, I really do. I ended up with my DCs on the child protection register because of my ex. But it's all about making the next best decision, putting one foot in front of the other, and being kind to yourself about the choices you made in the past.

I absolutely understand how you feel about your ex moving on with his new partner. But I'm pretty sure that you'll eventually discover that it's not so much that he's finally getting himself together for a new woman, but much more that he's found someone new who he will end up treating just as badly as he treated you. He's not going to treat her better than you, he's going to end up being just as big of a blight on her life as he is to yours.

You've made the biggest steps already. You've left the person who was abusing you. You've got a safe home for you and your children. In a year's time, you'll look back on today and marvel at how far you've come. Just like if you look back today to how things were a year ago, you'll be horrified at how bad it was then and how different it is now. I know you can do this because you've already done the biggest and bravest things so everything else from here on will be easier than that. You deserve to feel proud of yourself because what you've done to get to this point is amazing.

Thank you so much. That's made me all teary, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words.

OP posts:
Zanzara · 01/11/2025 01:41

I second everything @HowardTJMoon has said OP, you're doing brilliantly. Always remember, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Good luck,keep us posted on your progress! 💕

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