Is this control ?

[memyselfandI2025]

So my ex initially wasn’t paying maintenance until 2 years ago when I threatened him with the CSA and he agreed to pay me £150 a month for 5 kids. He has a good job and I know CSA would have made him pay double this but him and his wife where calling me greedy and gold diggers and blackmailed me, threatened to take me to court to get my youngest full time and prove im unstable to look after the kids if I ever went to CSA again so I just accepted it for a safer quieter life

so last couple of months I’ve had to chase him for it because he’s not automatically been sending it. He’s not sent it yesterday either. I havnt messged him to ask why because 2 months ago his excuse was ‘oh sorry I forgot ‘ so i know it will be some lame excuse again today if I messages and I hate the fact he’s got this power over me. I am really struggling, my eldest child needs new glasses and because she needs a stronger prescription the glasses I have to pay towards are £65, she also needs new school shoes and I literally have no money until the 16th and he does this

i Just feel like forgetting the child maintenance now because he has the power over me to pay it or not. I am so fed up with this 😓I do rely on it, but I guess I shouldn’t but life is so hard and I feel like now he’s got his new family he actually just likes to torment me in the background

I would just put in the CMS claim. I’m not sure what grounds he would have to say you can’t look after them given that you have been doing so for the past 2+ years.

How old are the kids and how often does he see them?

The kids are 14,13,9,4,6
He sees them a couple hours a week usually on a Saturday or Sunday. He never has them overnight

Yes got to CMS, like hell do they want to do all the donkey work and cost of being the primary carers!

It does seem unlikely he would manage to have them full time if he can only do a few hours a week just now.

Just remember that the cms money is the kids money and if he gives you any hassle just say “it’s for the kids” on repeat

It’s just fear mongering, they’ll say all sorts to keep you quiet. Just proceed with the claim, when push comes to shove they’ll do absolutely nothing because they don’t actually want the responsibility of having the children.

I stayed with my abusive ex for almost a decade out of fear. When I left he essentially just shrugged and let us go.