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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Saw friend & her baby today

18 replies

MascaraOHara · 04/06/2008 15:27

I am so broody

I am resigned to the fact that I probably never will have more children.

but I feel so sad.. I don't think it's so much about the baby but I want the package.. a husband, more children.. a shared life.. don't get me wrong I'm really happy just me and dd but I just see my chance of having more children slipping away and it feels a bit sad

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Rowlers · 04/06/2008 15:31

It's funny isn't it?
I am incredibly lucky and have 2 children. Whilst I have adored having number two, I have also felt really sad knowing that I'm not having any more and this is the last time I'll get to do the baby thing.
Not quite the same position you're in I appreciate.
Then again, you just never know what's around the corner.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 04/06/2008 15:34

I know I tell myself I still have plenty of time but it goes so quickly.. and I don't want to have to rush anything when I so meet somebody

OP posts:

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 04/06/2008 16:37

god I just feel sad.

bad day

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 04/06/2008 16:54

It is very hard I know. Especially when you see others who seem to have everything you would love to have.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I would love to have more children but have accepted now I am too old, despite friends with best intentions telling me that of course I'm not...

It is very hard to give up on that one, especially when my last bf was the one who put the possibility back in my head when I had already come to the conclusion it wasn't going to happen for me. He wanted more children, talked about buying a house together, made me think there was some kind of future, and then turned around and said well no, changed my mind, but we can still have sex whenever i want it right!

Somehow it felt so much worse to have allowed myself to think it might happen afterall and then have it all snatched away again. So now I don't allow myself to think about it too much. But had a similar experience to you a few weeks ago when my happily married sister was going on about how she was trying for her third. Had to smile sweetly and say how wonderful...

Not sure what I can say to cheer you up either, it's one of those things that there's not really much you can say except acknowledge and accept that it is sad, but that you can give all your love, time and devotion to the child you do have.

Take care
Gilly

piratecat · 04/06/2008 16:59

I know, it is a wish that seems so simple, the whole package. Yet remote and unnatainable , especially when you are having a bad day and can't see it being someting you will have again.

I understand, i feel it too. Like you I am glad i have dd, yet sad I havent got the whole deal.

how old is dd again?

piratecat · 04/06/2008 17:01

sometimes i just want to go out and bag a sperm. Yet am far too sensible. I also had spd, thats still lingering 6 yrs so can't realisticly do pregnancy again.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 04/06/2008 19:59

dd is 6YO this month so I think it's a combination of a sudden maturity in her as well as other things..

I'm still young but early menopause runs through the maternal side of my family.

OP posts:

piratecat · 04/06/2008 20:00

mascara, my dd has just turned 6, def a feelinghere of, 'oh, alot of women have had thier 2nd baby by now'

i am 39, how old are you. def age creeping up.

Pinkchampagne · 04/06/2008 20:20

Sorry you are feeling down, MOH, but like someone said, you never know what's round the corner.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 04/06/2008 20:30

I'm 30 soon so a fair bit of time but with nothing on the horizon and dd getting older.. it's a combination of a lot of things I think.

I don't want to meet someone and rush into another baby.. I think it's looking at my life and thinking 'this is not what I had planned'. It's great don't get me wrong.. I guess I@m just feeling a little unfulfilled at work as well as everything else and it's having a knock on effect

OP posts:

Rowlers · 04/06/2008 20:39

Sometimes one thing gets you down then you start to think about everything else that's crap.
30 is an odd age. You do start to assess where you're at and wonder where all the time went
Then you get over it, move on and wonder what you were worrying about.
HAve you got any friends who can give you a god old pep talk and remind you how great you are?

Rowlers · 04/06/2008 20:40

good not god
duh

piratecat · 05/06/2008 07:56

totally understand the 'this is not what I planned'

sometimes I find myself wondering how the hell this happened. I try to put it into perspective, and that helps, yet some yrs on and i am still shocked by what ex dh did, and that we are on our own.

It seems to go in circles, highs and lows, and when you are in a low, well i for one wonder how on earth i have got up each day for the past few yrs.

Pinkchampagne · 05/06/2008 16:55

30 is still young. I was still with ex H & pregnant with DS2 when I was 30.
We separated when I was 33, but we still lived together for another year, so I was 34 when moved into my own place, and now at 35 & a few months, I am with a new partner, and wouldn't totally rule out the idea of another child. (although it would be one of my madder ideas!!) My boys are 8.5 & 5 years old atm.

You have loads of time to meet someone lovely.

Lizzer · 05/06/2008 17:18

Aww, sorry that you're feeling like this MOH. But don't feel so bad about things, I was a 29yr old single mum of a 5yr old dd 4 years ago,I was renting a tiny house and working my ass off waiting tables....and now I'm turning 33, have a wonderful dp (just got engaged at the weekend ) who adores dd, a beautiful 5month old ds, plus we own a house which feels great and I went back to college too!

ChocolateEclair · 05/06/2008 17:45

Sorry you are feeling like this. I know my story isn't quite the same but I think it shows somwhow that you never know what's round the corner!

18 months ago I was in an 11 year relationship with a man who never wanted kids (I was 29). I accepted this as I loved him obviously. We then seperated (he ran off with MUCH younger girl!). I was panicking, thinking that at almost 30 I was 'left on the scrapheap' and I would have to 'start all over again'.

18 months down the line, I have met the most wonderful DP, we are having the time of our lives, and after ttc for 4 months we have just got our BFP! Baby due in Feb!

Life is full of wonderful surprises! Be positive! (and 30 is NOT old!) Thinking good thoughts for you xx

allgonebellyup · 05/06/2008 17:51

i am in the same boat as the OP, and i have a thread about this on lone parents somewhere.
i know i wont have another baby, i already have 2 dc by different dads (i was with each of them 4/5yrs).. so i know how you feel.
i will be 30 too next year and i am back on the shelf..!

it will be my ds's last day at playschool next month and i am already feeling sad, it will be my last baby to start school

sophiesmiles · 07/06/2008 07:27

Hi allgonebellyup and MascaraOHara where are you both from?

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