Lone parents - what did you do financially to prepare for divorce?

[lisalisa]

What if there's not much money around? How did you plan for your financial future i.e. by pensions, investments etc?

What other tips would you give ( either those who have done it and made mistakes or done it the best way)re financial planning?

lisalisa - is this you you are asking for? [worried]

Anna - don't want to say too much more I'm afraid as I was nearly outed on here a while back and had to delete all my posts!!! In fact I possibly was outed but the poster got a bit worried due to backlash and backtracked saying she didn't know me.

So....not necessarily but possibly.........

How about discussing it with your other half?

What does the `best' way entail exactly?

Want to work out myself first. He's naturally going to think of best way for him not me!! For e.g. we hvae a large house wiht 6 bedrooms and he'll possibly contend htat we should sell and buy smaller etc. that might not suit my intersts but it would his. there is strong possiblity that he'll go and live overseas too.

OK [still worried]

I have not divorced myself but have been party to the lengthy divorce proceedings of a very good friend, and, of course, my own partner.

Find yourself a very good lawyer who is interested in what interests you. Ie for my partner he needed a lawyer who was interested in child access and believed fathers make just as good (if not sometimes better) parents than mothers.

Other people might be more interested in getting the best possible financial deal.

Ask around for names from people who've been through it. They are normally very sympathetic and happy to spill the beans on the market for divorce lawyers.

Well, if your H wants to go and live abroad, he presumably won't be taking the children (or taking any responsibility for day-to-day childcare). So you will want to keep the house and will need lots and lots of alimony to compensate for the loss of an adult pair of hands and presence....

I'm going through this atm. H is definately out for himself. He has gone from

" nothing will change for the children,i don't want them to have to move, i'll still pay for the mortgage/bills etc and you won't have to leave the hous"

to

"My lawyer says i'm paying too much, are you planning on staying in that house?"

in the space of a month!

You definitely need to see a lawyer, everyones situation is so different.

Ambercat's experience is pretty common IME - people's POV on what they want for themselves changes once they have seen a lawyer.

And since you are going to have to see a lawyer at sometime in the process anyway, better to start off how you mean to continue IMO. My partner and his ex-wife wasted huge amounts of time and energy trying to negotiate their divorce settlement themselves (which they could have done in French law) only to resort to lawyers when they reached a total impasse. Only then did the negotiation become realistic.

Lawyers will be consulted when time is right ,yes. Just trying to get a feel for how others protected themselves.

for e.g. , my dh always said that his business would be our pension. As its not gong to be like that for me anyway now - I need to think of savings for when I'm old and don't want to work anymore. Anyone done anythign ab out this?

I am curious how people manage at all on "normal" incomes, especially if only one person is working/working full time.

For example, the 20% or whatever it is the CSA says the father has to pay would not cover the mortgage (which is small) and utility bills in our case, let alone buy any food. If the father gave more, presumably he would struggle to rent somewhere himself, pay his bills, etc.

How do people manage - do they get benefits to top up?

Does the fatehr have to pay only 20% of his income? Sure;ly the father should hvae to pay as much as it takes? What if mother doesn't work? How would family manage on 20% whereas previously they may have relied on 100% of father's income?

It's 15% of net income for the first child and 20% for two.

Personally, I think you should talk to him - if you shared the care of the children with him, you could potentially find time to work to make sure you have a decent income.

It has go to depend on your circumstances and your relationship.
15% and 20% mentioned are CSA figures, increasing for more children. BUT if he is going abroad the CSA is irrelevant, and you could be stuffed on child maint.
We still haven't sorted out finances yet, I am still living in the house with the kids, and he is paying an amount per month which is pretty much 20% reduced by 2/7 for the number of nights per week he spends with them.
Pension - big thing here, we put more into his because he is higher rate and got employer contributions. I have very little. But pension value is taken into account in the finanical settlement.

My lawyer told me that were there is sufficient assets for everyone then it is 50/50, but if there isn't then the balance is weighted favourably towards the parent with residence (say wife for ease).
eg; £600k assets, inc £200 value of house - wife gets house and £100k, H gets £300k.
But if £400k assets, inc £300k house - wife might get house, H gets £100k.

Also depends on the length of the marriage, the relative income and lifestyle enjoyed before.

Then there is the potential for spousal maint depending on circumstances.

Can't answer OP's question as wasn't married and have had to make ends meet on what money I have.

Grapefruitmoon people have to manage as best they can generally. I work part time and can only afford to do that as I get help with childcare and WTC and CTC. I can't work longer hours as there is no afterschool child care available in my area. I've even been looking into hiring a nanny as an option, which I'd get some help towards it seems, but the truth is the nanny would get paid more per hour than I myself earn! How crazy is that.

I get by day to day, I have no pension, I put aside money for emergencies but emergencies come up more often than you'd think (had to replace the hoover last month). I finally scraped enough money together to pay house and contents insurance last year (first time in 8 years), the renewal notice just came through but with prices going through the roof I'm thinking this is a 'luxury' i can't afford. But then if something happened to my house we'd have nowhere to live... So it's not really a luxury.

I'm lucky in that I own my house outright (thanks to my gran god rest her soul). But in some ways I wish I didn't as if I rented I wouldn't have to worry about maintenance, plus I'd probably get help towards rental costs and wouldn't be any worse off in reality! I'm also stuck now in that I can't afford to move yet I need to move in order to reduce travel costs and also for my son to get a chance at a decent secondary school education.

But one day at a time. Things will get a whole lot worse by the time I retire when I have to live on far less money than I scrape by on now! But I'll manage somehow. I hope...

Gilly

gilly - Grapefruitmoon people ??

My wage covers the mortgage and nanny ( I work full time more or less). There is nothing left over for food clothes etc. If dh has to pay only 20% of his salary that will mean we live in practically nothing as I am main wage earner. Is this right?

sounds like it.
would you get tax credit? we didn't before but I will now.

As a lone parent you can claim up to 80% of child care costs. I have recently been looking into how to find a registered nanny (see my thread in the cm, nannies etc section) and it seems most nannys can become registered if willing to do so though you might have to pay the costs for that. If your nanny is willing to become registered then seriously look at that as you will get up to 80% of that cost paid via the child care element of CTC. If not then you will have to look seriously at another form of childcare or for a nanny who is.

Also, yes you should be able to claim some WTC and CTC depening on how much you actually earn. Definitely apply for both in you are now seperated.

There are hard choices to be made when you are a single parent, and it can quite often come about that you have no money for food (ime anyway) I still have days when the only calories I get is from the sugar in my tea at work. Normally I don't have sugar in my tea but sometimes you just have to take whatever is going!

Things can be very tough, but you do get by. One day at a time...

lisalisa - I'm no expert on English divorce law, but from the sounds of things, if you are the main earner and have custody of the children, you might get to keep the house (and mortgage) but you might not get much maintenance at all from your H (depending on how much he has the children).

I really would urge you to have an initial consultation with a lawyer to clarify.

lisalisa if you do seperate you might have to face facts that you will be strapped for cash and the 6 bedroom house might have to go, csa take a certain percentage of the nrp's income rather than paying everything the child needs, its two parents responsibility to financially raise children, if it came to divorce then the house and assets will be sorted out and you could claim for some of your husband's pension. There are thousands of lone parents out there that cope so it can be done, gilly has posted what extra help you can get, although the pwc often gets the house until the children turn 18 the nrp is entitled to a chunk of the equity so they can set themselves up somewhere else