Lonely at weekends

[Narwhal100]

I have two tweens one of whom is neurodiverse all of the time. It’s a struggle to get through the week and at weekends the schedule falls apart. Food is rejected leading to hangry behaviour. Mealtimes go out the window. It’s very hard to persuade my neurodiverse DD to get off the iPad, get dressed and out of the house. We might not manage it until 3pm or 4pm by which time the day is half gone.
My kids have never been invited for many weekend playdates although we’ve hosted the occasional sleepover. One of them used to have an activity on Sundays but the logistics were tricky because the other one didn’t want to leave the house. When they were younger and my DH was here we’d have walks and pub lunch or see family. But grandparents have passed away and cousins have got older. I do make an effort to take them places eg we might go swimming or out for lunch but I’m just so tired of all the wrangling and outbursts and of it just being me and them. I’m going to try and host some lunches but if I’m honest I resent the fact that no one ever invites us over for Sunday lunch or just a walk in the park. I feel so isolated and don’t know what to do. Is this just self pity and FOMO? Can anyone relate?

Does your ex ever help.at all ? Is there an ABUK branch near you for help theres alot near us ?

Thanks. He’s not in a position to help at the moment. I don’t know ABUK.

Sounds tough and lonely. Could you give option of a trip out so your choice but they picking option they prefer and include timings so do you want to go 11am or 2pm? bowling or swimming etc and take snacks they usually like with you.

Have you got any friends you can chat to? or join a support group with other parents in similar situation. Or any family members you can invite round for company?

How old is the one with ND now and do you think there will be a time when you can leave them home alone in their iPad?

Can you just not have the iPad available. No experience of sen kids so maybe not understanding.

And your lack of experience shines through

Do the DCs maybe just need total downtime at the weekend? Especially if ND. Not to be hustled out somewhere for a particular time to be surrounded by others? I don't know... but some ND children are spent after a week at school and crave quiet at the weekend.
It will get better as they get older. As tweens, they will be on the cusp of being able to be left for short periods of time that can gradually increase.And that will help you. Can you focus in the meantime on doing something for YOU at the weekend and just let the DCs chill? I know you can't go out, but have a friend come over on a weekend evening, or make a long phone call to someone who lifts you up? Box set/ good book?? I don't know what your interests are. Having been there (widowed when kids were 4 and 7, elder ND) I know options are limited, life is constrained....but I want you to think about what you want and need in order to keep going with some kind of quality of life for you.

I’d be putting the iPad away for starters and encouraging some sort of activity out the house and use it as a reward, eg if you come on “park run” or whatever you can have an hour on the iPad when we get back.

what did people do before iPads?!?!?!

TV.

Yes my ND DD definitely needs that downtime away from others to help them to cope with the week ahead.

I think you’ve offered some really good suggestions on how the OP can try and make the best of the situation.

Hello OP, how have the last couple of weekends been?

Thanks for all your comments. My ND DD definitely needs down time. Things are ok I just feel guilty if there’s too much iPad time but I’m not tech savvy enough - or let’s face it, have the energy - to get them off them. I liked your suggestions, Prinknash. Thank you. I’ve definitely been escaping into books and TV (highly recommend Pernille on Netflix if you like Scandi drama). But I do need to reconnect with friends too in the real world which is more challenging at the moment. Good to know I’m not alone in this.